Toxic friendship ended

In 2014, I met a friend who quickly became one of my closest friends, his name was Ethan. When I first met him, I thought he was cool, he was a white guy but he knew a bunch of Asian languages, Chinese, Japanese, Korean which he could speak at some basic level. That whole year we hung out together and many times I slept over at his place, and he slept over at my place. We bonded over things like technology, video games, and Asian women (which he apparently had a fetish for). We even took a trip to LA together and had some fun there.

But while at that time I thought he was a good friend, in 2015 he also moved to Korea along with me and we met a few times where he would brag about how many girls he had sex with. So I thought ok, this guy is 32 (he is 5 years older than me) but he wants to play around a little bit more, fine. But then I saw some parts of his personality that I didn’t like. His ex-girlfriend in Korea had bought him lots of items, and cooked for him and generally was very good to him, but he came to a party with me where he basically left his ex in a corner while he went around and flirted with other girls. A week later he told me he dumped her because ‘her face was too flat’ and he had gotten a better girl, one that he had met at that party. I thought this was a jerk move to do and felt sorry for his ex, who he didn’t even attempt to learn Korean to communicate with her.

But we still hung out most of 2015 in Korea, went to Busan together and Jeonju together, etc. In 2016, the problems with being his friend continued and even though he let me stay over at his place a few times, I noticed the value of being his friend was getting lower. I had dropped off a package to his place and since I was in Korea, I could not move it over to his new place, so he had to carry it over from his old place to his new place, but the problem was he wanted me to pay him money to do that. I was a little bit shocked because this seemed like a basic friend favor to do why did I need to pay him like he was U-Haul?

Last year (2017) was when the problems really started becoming serious and my friendship with him became really strained. Being his friend took a toll on me, and made me stressed out. It wasn’t that I suspected Ethan of being an asshole and a douchebag – it was just clearly obvious that he was. He bragged about his ability to ‘save’ money – when really that savings came from either manipulating and using other people for his selfish gain or extorting companies and fighting to get his money back or a discount – which he says he ‘always won’. He complained about literally everything – he used to complain before and I knew he was a germaphobe (everything around him had to be SUPER clean else he wouldn’t be able to stand it) before – but last year it became almost everything. And his temper was off the charts. He was never the most calmest person but last year he exploded so easily it was ridiculous. The tiniest things pissed him off or bothered him.

The guy has anger issues. He constantly swears all the time. He would get angry if I used my phone at dinner (even though he did it all the time) “dude its rude to use your phone at dinner with your friends” he would say, splashing things into the hot pot pissed him off, if I closed the door on his car too hard he would say ‘not so hard! you gotta close the door gently!’, getting any crumbs on his backseat of his car while eating would piss him off so he wouldn’t allow me to eat cookies in his car, the tea having a different smell than what he’s used to would piss him off and he would force me to remake it, not cleaning the wine glasses enough pissed him off, not storing the white wine in the fridge pissed him off (or conversely storing red wines in the fridge), he would get bothered by the amount of sunlight in my living room and ask me why i dont have blinds, he would return his laptop 3 times because the frame rates he was getting on ONE game wasn’t good enough, he would spend hours at my place trying to make his game ‘full screen’ else he wouldn’t be able to play it, because he’s tall and he doesnt want to sit on the ground, he needed a box to put his/my laptop on top of in order to play it, he needed the exact music and atmosphere for parties, you had to wear slippers in his house and take them off before you went into his bedroom, he would complain for days and days about a blue tint on his phone, complain about the display being IPS and not OLED, complain about not saving some money here and there, He would assume that there was something wrong with my phone or app if I didn’t pick up his calls on time and get angry if I didn’t. He blew his top one day just because he saw two korean girls beside him in the cafe studying the Bible and that was enough to make him pissed even though they were just minding their own business. He was hyper sensitive to almost everything, sight, sound, smells, taste, touch basically almost everything bothers him at some point.

He thinks that his way of seeing things were the ‘right’ way and anyone else seeing things differently must be weird. He questioned me a few times why I don’t like Taiwanese girls, because he likes Taiwanese girls that means I have to like them too right? Once I wore my sunglasses outside and he said ‘why are you wearing sunglasses?’ I said ‘because its sunny outside and I want to protect my eyes?’ and he said ‘well I don’t have to’. And I was pretty speech-less because I guess he couldn’t understand that people are different from him. My friend Patrick said the same thing. He would ask Patrick to do something for him and only do like 10% of the work. Once he would refuse to eat with Patrick until Patrick took off his sunglasses because he felt like it wasn’t “genuine” for him if he wore sunglasses.

He also judges people way too fast, he’s said insulting things about almost every friend and person I introduced him too “she’s too stuck up” “she’s annoying” “he’s a sexual predator” (this despite that Ethan has made out with at least 2 girls before at my parties) “his ego is too big”, “he has low morals, I have much higher moral standing” (this one is ironic he accused my friend of having low morals right after bragging about lying about capital gains to the IRS), “he’s too antisocial” (this is to my good high school friend of 20 years) “she doesn’t talk enough”, “her boyfriend is a fat ugly white guy he’s probably a douche” it’s definitely rude to insult someone’s friends especially when you only met them once or twice but according to Ethan, he’s always right about someone the first time he meets them and he brags about this “ability”. He says he has a very high ‘filter’ and he told me that I should have a high filter too so I don’t meet as many flaky girls. (I have a sneaking suspicion that he didnt meet as many flaky girls as me because he’s a tall good-looking white guy which has a lot to do with it ). in this case I guess he means filter as the amount of douchebag-ness you have to be to people to cut them off. If a girl cancels a meeting for whatever reason, he cuts her off. A girl can’t come to his dinner? cuts her off. Apparently his skill is so good at knowing who is ‘good’ and who is ‘bad’ this is how he cuts down on meeting flaky girls. I am totally not surprised none of his friendships or relationships have lasted very long, when he has this approach. He’s had something to say (usually negative) about almost every friend I introduced to him, guys and girls. He thinks everyone is a static being and personality like himself and never changes, so when he heard that I got a gf last year he was shocked. He thought I was the same nerdy antisocial guy I was in 2015. I told him I had changed since then and got more relationship experience since then, he didn’t believe me. When I finally showed him gf then he finally started to realize, hmm maybe people can actually change! Maybe that first 30 seconds where you already made a judgment call about a person’s personality isn’t correct after all!

He’s also ‘proud’ of his ability to burn bridges with his relationships ‘easily’ if he doesn’t like them, he naturally does not trust anyone, and he’s bitter about his life. He says he ‘always gets his money’ from people/companies and refuses to believe that there could be complications. One example was with a Kickstarter project we backed he was absolutely convinced that he would be able to get his money back for a failed project via a credit card chargeback. “I always win” he said. I somehow doubted this; low and behold a year later I was told from my credit card company the terms and conditions from Kickstarter specified that the campaign owner has to give a refund not Kickstarter themselves. Ethan was wrong, as I expected. He also bragged about how he will not report his crypto gains on his tax returns because the IRS already had ‘enough’ of his money, and he refused to give them more. He told me he would continue lying about his taxes until the IRS came knocking on his door. He got $4000 from 24 hour fitness because he alleged that they ‘poisoned’ him and that they had to compensate him else he would spread negative word of mouth about them, a free month of free electric scooter usage from a company called Scoot because one of their scooters didn’t work properly and Ethan continually harassed them until he got a free month of usage.
and he was one of the very few foreigners to have a Korean crypto exchange account and used it to make $20k from arbitrage, which he bragged about how much money he got for free for weeks, then starts complaining about small things like the exchange rate changing and ‘oh I could’ve made an extra $1k etc’. He had a job that paid him six figures and gave him UNLIMITED PTO which he used to go to Korea TWICE last year – but he keeps complaining that he doesn’t get a raise and I make more than him even though I actually make the same after accounting for my higher tax bracket – not to mention my PTO is very limited. Other than bragging for a brief time, he never seems to acknowledge how lucky he is and keeps talking about his life sucks blames his parents and everyone else for his issues and never tries to make his life better in any way. We met a girl in Hongdae the first time we went to Korea together back in 2014 and one of the korean girls we met was drunk and took some of his Vitamin C packets and he was never able to get over that. He kept complaining about that + some sick girl in our hostel who made him sick for the entire trip. I introduced him to another korean girl and he started hanging out with her and one time they got drunk together and he ended up missing his flight back to SF and he blamed my friend for it. He blamed me for him getting too drunk at my party “dude you should have stopped me from drinking so much” even though he’s 5 years older than me and should be able to take care of himself. He keeps saying stuff like ‘dude you’re lucky you made $50k in crypto (I lost that 50k btw and I took risks to make it) and your parents helped you get your house my parents didn’t do shit for me etc’ he’s one of the most whiny and bitter men I’ve ever met. Either bragging or complaining about everything in his life. He never thinks about how lucky he is in some situations but he never acknowledges this and always focuses on the negative aspects of everything, how much money he lost, how ‘low’ his salary was, how much money he could saved here and there etc. He sees other people as ways to get himself ahead. The first thing he said to me when I told him I got a gf and living at her place is not ‘congratulations’ but ‘you’re lucky dude you get to save money in rent’, and the first thing he said to me when he heard my other friend’s gf’s parents will buy them a house after they marry is ‘I’m going to find a girl like that too who gives me benefits like that’. These are clearly the words of someone who clearly only cares about himself.

He was also extremely picky about women. Ironically He would tell me to stop being so picky because I only dated Korean girls, but he’s a white person who only likes Asian girls – and he moved to Korea to date women (which obviously limited him to Korean women as well!); he didn’t even like Korea or Korean culture, he actually preferred Taiwan girls and culture but he didn’t move to Taiwan because “the buildings looked too old”. He has a prejudice about mainland Chinese girls (“I don’t like their culture they don’t do enough makeup etc”) and yet he’s fucked countless Chinese girls last year, clearly using them just for sex, and he had a bad experience with a Japanese ex. (He even said his best gf he ever had was a Chinese girl… wtf! So why does he have such prejudice?) He doesn’t like Southeast Asian girls (except for fucking of course, which he bragged about fucking some Thai girl last year a few times). Those reasons are basically why he chose Korea, not because he cares about their culture but because its the only East Asian country left that bothers him the least. One time he even had a Chinese girl in the backseat of the car while bragging about the softness of a Korean girls skin that he dated before, and she didn’t seem to care. I have no idea why so many girls put up with his chauvinist ways. He rejected my friend because she was the same age for him (she had to be younger), made out with at least TWO Korean girls at my house parties (but he accuses my other friend for being a ‘sexual predator’ for flirting with Asian girls are my party), he’s told me about rejecting girls because he didn’t like their kakao talk name, or their profile picture, or they had a ‘valley girl’ accent, or voice was too low, etc and at the same time he’d be having sex with random Asian girls because he’s a sexaholic (and got STDs from it as well since he doesn’t use condoms). This degree of pickiness was just unbelievable. The way he talked about women was always like some piece of meat “she had great breasts” “this 19 year old wet my bed” “her skin was so soft omg” stuff like that made me disgusted. he never once talked about their personalities. He brags about being able to get a girl horny enough to talk to him about sexual things and calls it his ‘gift’. He referred to them as ‘girlies’ even though I never heard anyone else call girls that before. He would say stuff like ‘get the girly to come tonight’. “I’m going to get a girl pregnant this time” is what he said when he went to Korea to show how ‘serious’ he was (and ended up going there just to fuck around with girls “at least I got a fuck out of it” he tells me when he meets girls there). Whenever he talked to a girl he would always show me her picture as if he needed validation on whether or not she was ‘cute enough’ to talk to. And almost all friends were Asian girls. Isn’t it a bit weird that a white guy would only have Asian girls as friends? He likes to say that he’s different from the typical white guys that only dates Asian girls because they have yellow fever – he likes to say he cares about Asian culture, etc but if that’s the case then why are all his friends Asian girls? He only had three guy friends of which I was one and my friend Patrick who I introduced to him was another. 2 of his 3 guy friends were from me. All his other friends were Asian girls and last year he refused to meet new guy friends even for something like dinner. He would either ask me to bring an Asian girl or he wouldn’t have dinner with me at all. Once he got angry because there was ONE more guy than girl at my house party and he wanted to have either a perfectly balanced gender ratio or have more girls than guys. Whenever I have a Couchsurfer over he would ask if she was a girl and what kind of girl was she Korean Japanese or Chinese, and if they are he asks to meet with them. He’s met with pretty much all my Asian girl couchsurfers dating back to 2014. Does that sound like a guy who doesn’t have yellow fever? When I questioned him why all his friends were Asian girls he said ‘why are you judging me man? is there something wrong with that?’ and gets super defensive about it even though he judges other people ALL the time. It’s clear that he has an Asian fetish. He’s bragged about fucking every kind of Asian girl from Vietnamese, Thai, Filipino to Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese. He even made an excel spreadsheet that listed every girl he’s fucked in those countries and in America. He told me he’s never dated a white girl before. I have a fetish for Korean girls sure, but even then I still have white friends and non-Korean friends. Moreover; I like Korean women for their CULTURE. Ethan only liked girls if they were 1) hot 2) Asian looking and that’s really it. The fact that he’s dated Asian Americans (who have nothing to do with Asian culture) tells me he only cares about Asian looks, and doesn’t care about their culture at all. This guy doesn’t have ANY non Asian friends at all, and 95% of them are women. It’s very peculiar, indeed. I really regret introducing him to this Korean dating app called MEEFF because he’s constantly bragging about how many girls he’s talking to on that app – in addition to Tinder which he uses pretty much all the time to fuck girls with.

Another thing was he was way to stingy about money. Usually friends do favors for each other for free. I was and am a generous person, having given thousands of dollars worth of items to my friends and family before (a full list here But with Ethan, he treats his friends all the same – whenever he feels like he’s owed money, he gets it from them. I’ve had to pay him money splitting pretty much everything, from $4 uber rides, to the gas on his car (he has a car but he doesn’t use it for his friends because he doesn’t like to put mileage on it which is ridiculous, I had to rent a car to drive him places even though he already has a car), to dinner at his place (who splits a bill for cooking at home??), even on my birthday I had to split the cost of snacks. And I’ve never gotten anything from him for free, of course. No gifts, no cake, never anything from him. Meanwhile I’ve always given him lots of things for free. He always assumes his friends and buddies will help him out for free on anything but he would never do the same for them without some sort of compensation. I had to make him pay for my lunch when I helped move his stuff otherwise he would not have done anything for me. He sold me and my friend Patrick his items not even at a discount – at market price (note that I gave Patrick / other friends my stuff for free before). A Chinese girl paid for his hospital bill when he got sick from food poisoning and never got even a thank you from him. I accidentally lost his $20 drone one time while flying it and he demanded I buy him a new one that was as good quality or better. He demanded compensation for driving my items to his apartment and shipping some items for me. A girl I met for just a few months ago was able to drop me off at my place, but Ethan would just drive to his place (that is if he used his car at all) and make me take an Uber or Scoot back. He was not willing to drop me off or anyone else off at their places. Those are things a friend wouldn’t need to say anything about. He usually doesn’t use his car to drive his friends around because it runs up the mileage on his car which devalues it – he uses his BMW like once a month. I’ve never met someone who is so incredibly stingy that he won’t even use his car for fear of devaluing it – isn’t the whole point of a car to you know, drive it? At one time he owned a car, a motorcycle, a scooter AND a bike and guess how he went to work everyday ? He took the bus. Guess how he meets me? He takes Scoot and Uber (even though there’s free guest parking at my apartment). What a strange man. He’s wanted to meet every couchsurfer I bring over, especially if they are Asian women. One time I introduced him to my Korean friend (sometimes I don’t have a choice since he literally messaged me everyday to see what I was doing, and if I had a friend over and she was a girl he always asked me to introduce her to him), and because she didn’t pay him back for dinner immediately after, he kept asking me when she would pay him back. I kept telling him like dude just ask her again, her english isn’t good, and it just shows how impatient and stingy he is about money. He would also berate me for being too generous and brag about how he is able to save money by extorting different companies and being an asshat to his friends. He extorted 24 hr fitness out of $4000 because he got a rash and threatened to spread negative news about them until he got his money. He scammed Amazon by returning fake items to them. He resold his drone to Patrick for more than the market price and resold his macbook to me for more than the market price. When i asked him why he didnt give me any discount he said “well im saving you shipping”.

And he’s childish. Everything was either shit or ‘fuckin awesome’ or ‘jizz worthy’. He throws temper tantrums whenever he doesn’t get what he wants or sees something he doesn’t like. His ‘trick’ to get girls to like him is to act like a huge baby. He starts overreacting and speaking broken Korean/Chinese/Japanese and because he’s a middle aged white guy, Asian girls laugh at his little antics because they find it unexpected. It gets OLD. really fast. Especially when he uses that ‘trick’ all the time. Another ‘trick’ he does is whenever he meets a girl he likes he pulls out his phone and shows them his Youtube videos of himself in Taiwan and Korea where he had minor roles in Korean/Taiwanese dramas and advertisements (he got those roles because he was a tall good looking white guy, of course) and he wants to impress those girls. I’ve seen him pull out those videos maybe 20 times so far. So annoying.

He’s 35 years old this year. Homeless people were enough to piss him off to call me immediately about. He’s so incredibly impulsive, he decided to move to Korea almost at random when he visited there last summer. First he thought his buddy would help him with a guesthouse, then it was airbnb, then it was bitcoin arbitrage, then he decided to just go there to get his money transferred back. Once we were driving on the way back from an outdoor spa and on the way back even though we had to meet someone for hotpot dinner, he just HAD to stop by a random farm and pick out some produce. Whenever we walk on the street, he just HAS to go to trader joe’s and pick up a drink even if it would take like 20 minutes longer. Even our trip to LA wasn’t the same – in 2014 we went to some nice clubs and met my friend, but in 2017 he literally just complained all day about how dirty the streets were and how he’d ‘never live there’ even though it was his idea to go back to LA! In Vancouver he liked it better but of course still something to complain about like the prices of everything in Canada compared to the US. He could no longer sleep at my place because again – so many things pissed him off! Once he tried calling me in the middle of the night because one of the lights on his storage system blinked in a weird way. Yes, that kind of stuff bothers him.

He’s also a massive hypocrite. He expected full sympathy from me whenever he has issues (once he called me to tell me he had an STD and was taking antibiotics for it and I said why are you telling me all that and he said ‘dude don’t you have some sympathy?’) and meanwhile when I told him I broke up with my gf I got ‘oh that sucks’ followed by a news article of a new phone coming out. Another time someone on craigslist sent a death threat to me which made me lose sleep for a few days. All my other friends tried to help me out in both of these situations, what did Ethan do for me? Nothing. When I told him the news of 2 korean kpop girls dying in a car accident back in 2014 (Ladies Code) he said ‘oh well, people die all the time’. He had NO sympathy for anyone, ever, yet he expects other people to have full sympathy for him. He also tells me WAY too much useless info like what kind of socks he bought that day, or what kind of condoms he is bringing to Korea to fuck girls with and sometimes even sends me videos of japanese porn videos. I said dude thats too much don’t tell me that and he gets confused by it, and if I ever send him the same kind of videos or texts, he says ‘dude thats digusting I don’t want to see that’. But apparently its ok when he sends me a video of a bell pepper sticking out of a Japanese girls ass? He chastises me for only limiting myself to Korean girls yet he went to Korea which obviously limited himself to the same girls. Also, he gets defensive and offended if I ever ask him why he only likes Asian girls while he always asks me why i dont like non-Korean girls (keep in mind… he’s white. I’m Asian. It’s way more weird that he only likes Asian girls than me only liking Korean girls). He told me not to stay in a goshiwon in Korea because it wont attract girls and he did the exact same thing when he went to korea. He told me not to play around with young girls meanwhile he’s fucking random 23 year old chicks in Korea (keep in mind… he’s 5 years older than me…). He wanted to see a pic of me with my gf I told him I didn’t have any good pic the only pic I had was when I dressed in a sleeping robe but he demanded to see it so I sent it to him and his response was ‘dude I don’t want to see you in that don’t you have a better pic?’ and whenever I have girls over at my place he always quickly makes it a priority to point out how dirty and messy my place is to them. A guy who’s supposed to be my friend does that kind of shit to me? its these kind of annoyances that really piss me off when talking to him.

And he gets sick too easily. Classic Ethan story that demonstrates who he is – He eats 2 week old rice which gave him food poisoning – 4 times it happened last year, he passed out and went to urgent care, then he had to call up one of his female friends (he only makes friends with Asian girls and refuses to make guy friends) to help him out, then that girl asks me to help Ethan out, neither me or the girl gets any kind of thank you or gratitude from him, and then he complains about how he got sick for the next week, then tries to fight the hospital to get his money back so he doesn’t have to pay. Ridiculous.

He follows me everywhere which is extremely annoying as well. Second time i went to Korea was May 2014 I wanted to go for my birthday and celebrate with my korean friends – he followed me there and stayed also for one week like me. Then when me and Patrick moved to Korea in Dec 2014 he followed us there and moved there as well. He used my place for 2 weeks and kept complaining about it even though I was letting him use it for free. Keep in mind he had no plan for Korea, me and Patrick were there working and he had to get a tutoring job under the table to survive. He eventually needed money and had to go back. But then when i went back to vancouver in march 2017 he also came with me. I was there to visit friends and get my visa. Then he pre-emptively moved to Korea in 2018 because he expected me to go there as well (except I ended up delaying because of financial reasons). Again – he had no plan. He just randomly quit his job and thought he would just bring some random Korean girl back in just 3 months. Actually his main job there was to use his illegal foreign bitcoin account he opened in Korea to transfer money there to avoid the IRS taxes and date/use girls there to help launder his money there. He asked Patrick’s ex-gf and my ex-gf (even though he didnt know my ex-gf at all) to help him launder money. When he moved there, he started complaining almost immediately about how he couldn’t get a refund for his laptop and started raging about how he’d kill those fuckers at Dell Korea and molotov the building. He told me he would be ‘serious’ this time about finding a girl to marry but instead he ends up playing around with girls that can’t even speak English. He used my friends gf and some other Korean girls there to do his bidding for him, like helping him find a place or transferring his money back to US, and dumped those girls immediately after. My friends gf even told me he said he would pay for her dinner in return for her helping him out; surprise surprise he didn’t and she ended up paying for herself. He still complained about not being able to save $10 here or $20 there even though those things happened months ago. And whenever he had his money in cryptocurrency, he always bombarded me with questions about it, since I was on a slack channel for crypto. The thing is I never had any information he didn’t have since I invited him to the same slack channel but he was convinced I knew something he didn’t and kept bothering me about it. He was also extremely nosy, always asking me about my gf, my relationship and everything. He would peek at my kakao talk messages and ask about the girls I was talking to even though clearly I did not want him to tell him. When my Korean friend visited SF, he asked about everything, when her flight was, when she was landing, how long she was staying, how long I knew her, almost like a full interrogation. Also sometimes he would video chat and be topless and have his nipples showing and I was like dude thats gross have some decency (this is the same guy btw who calls homeless people dogs and has his own word for fat women which is ‘hefels’ a word he and his friend made up) and he just laughs.

Honestly the part I’ll miss most about him is being able to play games with him, those times I genuinely enjoyed, but even then he had a myriad of issues. He returned his laptop back three times and had 10 different phones in the past year because of his pickiness about everything, the display camera build quality etc everything had to look PERFECT. He kept going back and forth between Nvidia and Alienware drivers numerous times to fix what he perceived to be ‘unacceptable’ lag in a game whereas I put up with lag all the time. Often a gaming session starts with him inevitably having issues with his game or laptop and usually we would always start gaming at least 30 minutes later. He’s spent hours trying to fix an issue where his game wouldn’t go fullscreen before we started playing. He refused to use my spare gaming laptop because the keyboard was too ‘dirty’ for him. He had to play on top of a box as well, because he didn’t like to play with the screen lower than him while sitting. My mechanical keyboard bothers him too much with the sound, so I can’t type when we are playing together. Once he spent 10 minutes trying to fix a Facetime issue where his screen was not rotating correctly, while we were in the middle of the game (we always Facetime because he needs to see my face for some reason but he doesn’t look at my face when gaming only when we start the chat). On that topic, he also gets angry if my face is not perfectly within the webcam view, even though he never looks at me while we are gaming. He forces me to put my phone into landscape mode as well, due to the same issue. He will complain if the resolution isn’t high enough (he asked me to use my iPad Air webcam instead of the iPad Pro because it was somehow less grainy and that matters to him enough).. I hate that shit, why does he care so much about so many pointless things? He gets angry if I don’t pick up his Facetime calls on time and assumes I have a phone problem if I don’t. He also constantly texts girls all the time when we are gaming (even though he doesn’t let me use my phone while having dinner). Once he called me to play a game together I said ok, and then proceeded to wait for 40 minutes while he was doing shit getting his Korean bank account ready. I got tired of waiting for him to get ready so I decided to watch some videos. Then once the time got to 11pm I said to him ‘well looks like we can’t play today, its too late now’ and his response was ‘well you were watching the videos the whole time!’- I got so pissed about this because it was HIM who called me to play games in the first place and HIM that spent 40 minutes doing stuff on his Korean bank account. I only played videos because I was tired of waiting for him to get ready… and then he accuses me of being the one holding things up. That’s unbelievable. Once the sunlight in my room bothered him too much and we had to move a desk to another location for him to play the game. And if the map is too hard, he will complain about it ‘dude this isn’t fun’ and refuse to play it anymore. It’s like a 10 step process just to play games with him.

The only reason we were friends were because 1) he was in San Francisco and I didn’t have anyone else in SF. This of course, lasted until he went back to Korea for his own selfish reasons. 2) He liked tech like me. But again, his endless complaining and pickiness about this subject made it annoying to talk to him about it most of the time. 3) He liked video games like me. But again, this is another thing he was picky about because of his stinginess with money he doesn’t like to buy games full price, he has to get them at a discount so it was hard to find games to play together with him. in addition to the problems playing games with him I already mentioned. and 4) he liked asian culture, or at least I thought he did. But then over time, I gradually realized that he didn’t really care about Asian culture, he just says that to Asian girls so that he could get them easier. He only liked Asian girls and Asian food, that’s it. He never did the traditional Korean rituals like I did. He didn’t study Korean hard like I did. He didn’t care about the people like I did (I remember when I told him the day 2 members of the kpop group Ladies Code passed away I cried about it whereas he said ‘oh that sucks’ and that’s it). He never wore a hanbok before and didn’t have any desire to. So basically, he learned all these Asian languages Chinese, Korean, and Japanese for the main reason being to pick up and fuck girls, that’s it. That’s why he only knows bits and pieces of each language, just enough to hook a girl up. That disgusts me.

To my mind, the effort required to be his friend just wasn’t worth it anymore. It stressed me out. It made me annoyed whenever I had to talk to him. He was becoming almost like a psychopath, and all my friends/family told me I should keep my distance from him. He was just a constant source of negative energy, everytime we talked he was either bragging or complaining about something and he was clearly a selfish manipulative douchebag, that only cared about himself and his money. Never had any sympathy for others (he told me ‘it sucks’ and then pasted a link of a new phone that came out when I told him I broke up with my gf, whereas all my other friends tried to help me), and clearly was judgmental (he even told me I was too ‘tolerant’ and should cut off contact with people more, and to him everyone is guilty until proven innocent), discriminatory (only wanted to have dinner with Asian girls, not dating freaking DINNER), paranoid (he said that he would force his gf to install Telegram because he refused to talk about his bank account on google hangouts or kakaotalk because he was afraid of the government spying on him – even though the Korean government owns his bank account..) and a playboy (he brags about fucking girls without a condom in Korea and knowingly has STDs) on top of that. It was just too hard to be friends with him. Out of all my friends in Canada/USA/Korea I’ve never had someone that took so much effort to be their friend. And he’s never going to change. He’s already 35 years old and he acts like a spoiled whiny 12 year old, so I think its already too late for him to change. Besides, he doesn’t want to. He thinks his way has too many advantages which he always brags about. “His way” gets him more money and gets him ahead because he extorts companies and takes advantage of people, so from a selfish perspective of course he’s better off being a douchebag, it’s just that because he burns all his bridges with people and doesn’t care about the value of friendship he’s likely to end up a lonely bitter old man, that’s all. The only reason I stayed friends with him last year was because I needed someone to hang out with, that’s all. I’m usually a pretty tolerant and forgiving person, but even I have limits. Some people like him, the level of bullshit I have to put up with all the time is too much, and I just decided the positives of being his friend didn’t outweigh the negatives of it, and defriended him finally. I feel like I have lifted a huge weight off my chest.