Hey guys, it’s time for another one of my more honest and personal posts. I’ve been in Korea for more than 3 months now, and how do I feel?
Well, not too different actually. My Korean has gotten better, which is expected since I hear Korean everyday and do language exchange with a lot of Koreans, so that’s good. I can do most light conversations about a decent variety of topics now. Even paying the utility bills and rent isn’t too bad anymore. But what about the thing I wanted to do in Korea? Finding a Korean gf? Well… not so well.
Even though I’m not a really charming guy, I’m not exactly the most antisocial guy either. At least better than some Korean guys that I see. And I’m not a playboy either. (How do you know I’m not a playboy? because I’m writing this post on my public blog!) Yet, for whatever reason, these 3 months in Korea have been the most utterly futile 3 months ever. It’s not that I don’t meet a lot of girls, but its just getting them interested in me seems to be near impossible.
I go to bars, sometimes clubs, meetups, I message a lot of girls online, and all I’m looking for is a young, cute girl who can treat me well. That’s it. That’s not a high requirement considering how often I see those kind of loving young couples in the cafe and on the street. And out of all the girls I’ve met or contacted, most of the ones who fit my criteria outright ignore my messages, and the ones that don’t are too busy / have a bf already / don’t want to meet me. That’s kind of disappointing.
I guess I thought it would be easy to find that kind of girl in Korea, since many of my friends told me girls like guys who can speak English, play guitar, have a stable job, make money, do cooking and cleaning and housework, live alone, etc. Well, despite being able to do all of that, I don’t think Korean girls really care about those things. Now, this might be because some Korean girls discriminate, since I’ve seen white guys pick up Korean girls fairly easily by speaking English, or learning Korean, etc. But not for me, and I learned Korean by myself and speak it better than most of them! I actually don’t know the reason why most of them reject me, or ignore me.
For example, I think I had at least 20 girls in 3 months outright ignore or block me on Kakao talk for reasons I can’t explain. You would think that I said something offensive or bad right? But no, the last messages I sent to them include such heinous sentences as ‘Good morning’, ‘did you have a good new years?’, ‘nice to meet you’, ‘did you arrive home safely?’, etc. It makes absolutely no sense why they would block me or ignore me for things like that. Maybe because I’m an engineer, I like to dissect and analyze the reasons. But for this there is no explanation. I’m frustrated because I don’t know what I did wrong. For a programming analogy, it’s like working on a server which only starts up 30-40% of the time, gets bugs at any time, cannot be debugged, yet is able to work perfectly in the hands of other guys. It’s insane.
Anyways, that’s been my 3 months in Korea. It’s frustrating when you see couples on the street or at a restaurant or cafe all the time, yet have no idea what you are doing wrong. Relationships have always been my weak point. It’s probably the most difficult thing in my life since there is no concrete solution to it. The solution to getting a job? Build up experience, network with people, go online and message recruiters, etc. The solution to buying a house? Save up money, look for a location with high demand, look for a place you can rent out if you don’t live there, etc. A lot of the other so called ‘difficult’ goals in life have somewhat concrete steps to achieve them.
Not so for relationships. And no one can help me with it since it’s so specific to my case. I just have to keep trying I know, but just how much effort does it take? I must’ve put more effort for this goal already than any other goal in my life.
Next month I will go back to US and Canada. But what a disappointing and heartbreaking 3 months its been. TZ signing off for now…