What is the most difficult thing you’ve had to do in your life?

For me this is the most difficult thing I’ve done – am doing because I still haven’t succeeded yet.
All my life I’ve been generally a shy person. it was hard for me to talk to people and it was hard for me to engage in conversation. In high school I didn’t have any female friends. In University I was basically deep in my studies all the time and didn’t have much time to socialize.
After university, I immigrated to California and began working. That’s the first time I met Korean friends. Having been raised in a Chinese household and made mostly Chinese friends during university, I always thought Koreans were similar to Chinese. **I was very wrong. **The first time I visited Korea in 2013 – **I found out that Koreans and Chinese are actually totally different from each other. **I just didn’t realize this before because Korean Canadians and Chinese Canadians were actually quite similar.
Around this time I had my first Korean gf: She was beautiful, she was sweet and she was loving. And I made many Korean female friends, and I found all of them to be quite good looking and sweet to their bfs. I also found out that I may have a genetic preference for Korean women all along – their deeply Confucian culture was a much better fit for me than modern Chinese culture was, and I was attracted to how they looked, how they dressed, the way they acted, how feminine they were, and Korean culture and mannerisms in general.
I realized that all the girls in my life that I’ve been attracted to – have either been Korean all along or have exhibited Korean characteristics. Having realized this attraction, **I made it a personal goal to marry a Korean woman – **and buried my head deep in Korean language books to improve my Korean.
For 2 years from 2012 to 2014, I studied Korean history, culture and grammar really hard and finally improved my Korean to a level that I would consider ‘conversationally fluent’. Then I had to change my job. I quit my job and changed to a job that allowed me to work remotely. The problem was, I still had work the same time zone as my California team members. Oh well.
In 2014 I moved to Korea not knowing if I could even get a place to stay there. I managed to get a place and a bank account using just my passport. And for 2 years I worked like a vampire – sleeping during the daytime and working during 1am to 9am (the hours were exactly opposite California and Korea). It put a heavy toll on my body. I only ate convenience store food during this time so it was very unhealthy. I lost more than 10kg during this time. All this so that I could have a *chance* of dating a Korean girl to fulfill my goal.
I failed. 2 years came and went, and even though I tried my best to meet Korean women – I never found one that really liked me enough to immigrate with me back to Canada. I had exhausted so many options. I tried Tinder, I tried all the online conversation exchange apps. I tried going to various language meetups. None of the girls I met from there had any interest in me.
Why I wondered? Why did Korean girls hate me so much when I sacrificed so much for them? Why did white guys have such success dating them and me as an Asian-Canadian have so little? I spoke Korean much better than the typical foreigner. I was not that bad looking by my own standards (after all I see uglier Korean guys dating pretty girls everywhere). I tried my best to dress like a Korean and have manners like a Korean. And yet I still failed. Many times I thought about giving up this dream but I couldn’t. I knew I was better than this. I knew that I had a chance but was missing something.
Then I realized – its because of my inexperience with relationships. I didn’t have that many relationships before, and my chronic shyness killed any chances of a Korean girl liking me. Firstly, it must be said that Korea is a very conservative country – and a lot of – if not the majority – of Koreans only date with other Koreans. I was rejected by a lot of women just for not being a Korean. Secondly, they prefer foreigners who looked white. As a Chinese-Canadian I was at a disadvantage. Thirdly – I was not experienced at dealing with women and way too shy. Korean women – like any women – like guys with confidence. I had very little confidence in myself and very little self esteem. I couldn’t understand why so many jerks ended up with all the women and nice guys like me got nothing.
So I tried to better myself. After my 2 years was up, I was forced to come back to the US and find another job for the time being to save up money. But make no mistake, I am still working on this goal and I still plan to move back to Korea sometime to find the right girl. This time I’ll be more experienced. And hopefully succeed. As long as I had the determination – this goal was the one driving purpose in my life. I really had dedicated the last 5 years of my life to it – and I was determined to succeed. Yes I know its an uphill battle. Yes, I know it would be easier to marry a Chinese or Thai or Filipino or whatever. But that’s not the point of life is it? If I took the easy way out.. it would be an admission of defeat and there would be no sense of satisfaction and I *still* wouldn’t be happy – because I knew that I (being of Manchu ancestry) had a genetic attraction to Korean women. And from other answers on Quora I read that Chinese male – Korean female relationships often ended up in disaster.. I was determined to be the one who can make it succeed.
So by God, this will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Graduating from a top school in Canada? been there done that. Moving to California and getting a job in Silicon Valley was peanuts. Learning Korean was a cakewalk. Marrying a Korean girl – with mutual attraction – as a Chinese Canadian – now that is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. And I’m still working on it.