In 2014, I met a friend who quickly became one of my closest friends, his name was Ethan. When I first met him, I thought he was cool, he was a white guy but he knew a bunch of Asian languages, Chinese, Japanese, Korean which he could speak at some basic level. That whole year we hung out together and many times I slept over at his place, and he slept over at my place. We bonded over things like technology, video games, and Asian women (which he apparently had a fetish for). We even took a trip to LA together and had some fun there.
But while at that time I thought he was a good friend, in 2015 he also moved to Korea along with me and we met a few times where he would brag about how many girls he had sex with. So I thought ok, this guy is 32 (he is 5 years older than me) but he wants to play around a little bit more, fine. But then I saw some parts of his personality that I didn’t like. His ex-girlfriend in Korea had bought him lots of items, and cooked for him and generally was very good to him, but he came to a party with me where he basically left his ex in a corner while he went around and flirted with other girls. A week later he told me he dumped her because ‘her face was too flat’ and he had gotten a better girl, one that he had met at that party. I thought this was a jerk move to do and felt sorry for his ex, who he didn’t even attempt to learn Korean to communicate with her.
But we still hung out most of 2015 in Korea, went to Busan together and Jeonju together, etc. In 2016, the problems with being his friend continued and even though he let me stay over at his place a few times, I noticed the value of being his friend was getting lower. I had dropped off a package to his place and since I was in Korea, I could not move it over to his new place, so he had to carry it over from his old place to his new place, but the problem was he wanted me to pay him money to do that. I was a little bit shocked because this seemed like a basic friend favor to do why did I need to pay him like he was U-Haul?
Last year (2017) was when the problems really started becoming serious and my friendship with him became really strained. Being his friend took a toll on me, and made me stressed out. It wasn’t that I suspected Ethan of being an asshole and a douchebag – it was just clearly obvious that he was. He bragged about his ability to ‘save’ money – when really that savings came from either manipulating and using other people for his selfish gain or extorting companies and fighting to get his money back or a discount – which he says he ‘always won’. He complained about literally everything – he used to complain before and I knew he was a germaphobe (everything around him had to be SUPER clean else he wouldn’t be able to stand it) before – but last year it became almost everything. And his temper was off the charts. He was never the most calmest person but last year he exploded so easily it was ridiculous. The tiniest things pissed him off or bothered him.
The guy has anger issues. He constantly swears all the time. He would get angry if I used my phone at dinner (even though he did it all the time), splashing things into the hot pot pissed him off, not cleaning the wine glasses enough pissed him off, not storing the white wine in the fridge pissed him off (or conversely storing red wines in the fridge), he would get bothered by the amount of sunlight in my living room, he would return his laptop 3 times because the frame rates he was getting on ONE game wasn’t good enough, he would spend hours at my place trying to make his game ‘full screen’ else he wouldn’t be able to play it, he needed the exact music and atmosphere for parties, you had to wear slippers in his house and take them off before you went into his bedroom, he would complain for days and days about a blue tint on his phone, complain about the display being IPS and not OLED, complain about not saving some money here and there, He would assume that there was something wrong with my phone or app if I didn’t pick up his calls on time and get angry if I didn’t. He blew his top one day just because he saw two korean girls beside him in the cafe studying the Bible and that was enough to make him pissed even though they were just minding their own business. He was hyper sensitive to almost everything, sight, sound, smells, taste, touch basically almost everything bothers him at some point.
He thinks that his way of seeing things were the ‘right’ way and anyone else seeing things differently must be weird. He questioned me a few times why I don’t like Taiwanese girls, because he likes Taiwanese girls that means I have to like them too right? Once I wore my sunglasses outside and he said ‘why are you wearing sunglasses?’ I said ‘because its sunny outside and I want to protect my eyes?’ and he said ‘well I don’t have to’. And I was pretty speech-less because I guess he couldn’t understand that people are different from him.
He also judges people way too fast, he’s said insulting things about almost every friend and person I introduced him too “she’s too stuck up” “she’s annoying” “he’s a sexual predator” (this despite that Ethan has made out with at least 2 girls before at my parties) “his ego is too big”, “he has low morals, I have much higher moral standing” (this one is ironic he accused my friend of having low morals right after bragging about lying about capital gains to the IRS), “he’s too antisocial” (this is to my good high school friend of 20 years) “she doesn’t talk enough”, “her boyfriend is a fat ugly white guy he’s probably a douche” it’s definitely rude to insult someone’s friends especially when you only met them once or twice but according to Ethan, he’s always right about someone the first time he meets them and he brags about this “ability”. He says he has a very high ‘filter’ and he told me that I should have a high filter too so I don’t meet as many flaky girls. in this case I guess he means filter as the amount of douchebag-ness you have to be to people to cut them off. If a girl cancels a meeting for whatever reason, he cuts her off. A girl can’t come to his dinner? cuts her off. Apparently his skill is so good at knowing who is ‘good’ and who is ‘bad’ this is how he cuts down on meeting flaky girls. I am totally not surprised none of his friendships or relationships have lasted very long, when he has this approach. He’s had something to say (usually negative) about almost every friend I introduced to him, guys and girls.
He’s also ‘proud’ of his ability to burn bridges with his relationships ‘easily’ if he doesn’t like them, he naturally does not trust anyone, and he’s bitter about his life. He got $4000 from 24 hour fitness because he alleged that they ‘poisoned’ him, and he was one of the very few foreigners to have a Korean crypto exchange account and used it to make $20k from arbitrage, which he bragged about how much money he got for free for weeks, then starts complaining about small things like the exchange rate changing and ‘oh I could’ve made an extra $1k etc’. He had a job that paid him six figures and gave him UNLIMITED PTO which he used to go to Korea TWICE last year – but he keeps complaining that he doesn’t get a raise and I make more than him even though I actually make the same after accounting for my higher tax bracket – not to mention my PTO is very limited. Other than bragging for a brief time, he never seems to acknowledge how lucky he is and keeps talking about his life sucks blames his parents and everyone else for his issues and never tries to make his life better in any way. He keeps saying stuff like ‘dude you’re lucky you made $50k in crypto (I lost that 50k btw and I took risks to make it) and your parents helped you get your house my parents didn’t do shit for me etc’ he’s one of the most whiny and bitter men I’ve ever met. Either bragging or complaining about everything in his life. He never thinks about how lucky he is in some situations but he never acknowledges this and always focuses on the negative aspects of everything, how much money he lost, how ‘low’ his salary was, how much money he could saved here and there etc. He sees other people as ways to get himself ahead. The first thing he said to me when I told him I got a gf and living at her place is not ‘congratulations’ but ‘you’re lucky dude you get to save money in rent’, and the first thing he said to me when he heard my other friend’s gf’s parents will buy them a house after they marry is ‘I’m going to find a girl like that too who gives me benefits like that’. These are clearly the words of someone who clearly only cares about himself.
He was also extremely picky about women. Ironically He would tell me to stop being so picky because I only dated Korean girls, but he’s a white person who only likes Asian girls – and he moved to Korea to date women (which obviously limited him to Korean women as well!); he didn’t even like Korea or Korean culture, he actually preferred Taiwan girls and culture but he didn’t move to Taiwan because “the buildings looked too old”. He has a prejudice about mainland Chinese girls (“I don’t like their culture they don’t do enough makeup etc”) and yet he’s fucked countless Chinese girls last year, clearly using them just for sex, and he had a bad experience with a Japanese ex. Those reasons are basically why he chose Korea, not because he cares about their culture but because its the only East Asian country left that bothers him the least. One time he even had a Chinese girl in the backseat of the car while bragging about the softness of a Korean girls skin that he dated before, and she didn’t seem to care. I have no idea why so many girls put up with his chauvinist ways. He rejected my friend because she was the same age for him (she had to be younger), made out with at least TWO Korean girls at my house parties (but he accuses my other friend for being a ‘sexual predator’ for flirting with Asian girls are my party), he’s told me about rejecting girls because he didn’t like their kakao talk name, or their profile picture, or they had a ‘valley girl’ accent, or voice was too low, etc and at the same time he’d be having sex with random Asian girls because he’s a sexaholic (and got STDs from it as well since he doesn’t use condoms). This degree of pickiness was just unbelievable. The way he talked about women was always like some piece of meat “she had great breasts” “this 19 year old wet my bed” “her skin was so soft omg” stuff like that made me disgusted. he never once talked about their personalities. He brags about being able to get a girl horny enough to talk to him about sexual things and calls it his ‘gift’. He referred to them as ‘girlies’ even though I never heard anyone else call girls that before. He would say stuff like ‘get the girly to come tonight’. “I’m going to get a girl pregnant this time” is what he said when he went to Korea to show how ‘serious’ he was (and ended up going there just to fuck around with girls “at least I got a fuck out of it” he tells me when he meets girls there). Whenever he talked to a girl he would always show me her picture as if he needed validation on whether or not she was ‘cute enough’ to talk to. And almost all friends were Asian girls. Isn’t it a bit weird that a white guy would only have Asian girls as friends? He likes to say that he’s different from the typical white guys that only dates Asian girls because they have yellow fever – he likes to say he cares about Asian culture, etc but if that’s the case then why are all his friends Asian girls? He only had three guy friends of which I was one. All his other friends were Asian girls and last year he refused to meet new guy friends even for something like dinner. He would either ask me to bring an Asian girl or he wouldn’t have dinner with me at all. Once he got angry because there was ONE more guy than girl at my house party and he wanted to have either a perfectly balanced gender ratio or have more girls than guys. Whenever I have a Couchsurfer over he would ask if she was a girl and what kind of girl was she Korean Japanese or Chinese, and if they are he asks to meet with them. He’s met with pretty much all my Asian girl couchsurfers dating back to 2014. Does that sound like a guy who doesn’t have yellow fever? When I questioned him why all his friends were Asian girls he said ‘why are you judging me man? is there something wrong with that?’ and gets super defensive about it even though he judges other people ALL the time. It’s clear that he has an Asian fetish. He’s bragged about fucking every kind of Asian girl from Vietnamese, Thai, Filipino to Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese. He told me he’s never dated a white girl before. I have a fetish for Korean girls sure, but even then I still have white friends and non-Korean friends. Moreover; I like Korean women for their CULTURE. Ethan only liked girls if they were 1) hot 2) Asian looking and that’s really it. The fact that he’s dated Asian Americans (who have nothing to do with Asian culture) tells me he only cares about Asian looks, and doesn’t care about their culture at all. This guy doesn’t have ANY non Asian friends at all, and 95% of them are women. It’s very peculiar, indeed.
Another thing was he was way to stingy about money. Usually friends do favors for each other for free. I was and am a generous person, having given thousands of dollars worth of items to my friends and family before. But with Ethan, he treats his friends all the same – whenever he feels like he’s owed money, he gets it from them. I’ve had to pay him money splitting pretty much everything, from $4 uber rides, to the gas on his car (he has a car but he doesn’t use it for his friends because he doesn’t like to put mileage on it which is ridiculous, I had to rent a car to drive him places even though he already has a car), to dinner at his place (who splits a bill for cooking at home??), even on my birthday I had to split the cost of snacks. And I’ve never gotten anything from him for free, of course. No gifts, no cake, never anything from him. Meanwhile I’ve always given him lots of things for free. He always assumes his friends and buddies will help him out for free on anything but he would never do the same for them without some sort of compensation. I had to make him pay for my lunch when I helped move his stuff otherwise he would not have done anything for me. A girl I met for just a few months was able to drop me off at my place, but Ethan would just drive to his place (that is if he used his car at all) and make me take an Uber or Scoot back. He was not willing to drop me off or anyone else off at their places. Those are things a friend wouldn’t need to say anything about. He usually doesn’t use his car to drive his friends around because it runs up the mileage on his car which devalues it – he uses his BMW like once a month. I’ve never met someone who is so incredibly stingy that he won’t even use his car for fear of devaluing it – isn’t the whole point of a car to you know, drive it? He’s wanted to meet every couchsurfer I bring over, especially if they are Asian women. One time I introduced him to my Korean friend (sometimes I don’t have a choice since he literally messaged me everyday to see what I was doing, and if I had a friend over and she was a girl he always asked me to introduce her to him), and because she didn’t pay him back for dinner immediately after, he kept asking me when she would pay him back. I kept telling him like dude just ask her again, her english isn’t good, and it just shows how impatient and stingy he is about money.
And he’s childish. Everything was either shit or ‘fuckin awesome’ or ‘jizz worthy’. He throws temper tantrums whenever he doesn’t get what he wants or sees something he doesn’t like. He’s 35 years old this year. Homeless people were enough to piss him off to call me immediately about. He’s so incredibly impulsive, he decided to move to Korea almost at random when he visited there last summer. First he thought his buddy would help him with a guesthouse, then it was airbnb, then it was bitcoin arbitrage, then he decided to just go there to get his money transferred back. Once we were driving on the way back from an outdoor spa and on the way back even though we had to meet someone for hotpot dinner, he just HAD to stop by a random farm and pick out some produce. Whenever we walk on the street, he just HAS to go to trader joe’s and pick up a drink even if it would take like 20 minutes longer. Even our trip to LA wasn’t the same – in 2014 we went to some nice clubs and met my friend, but in 2017 he literally just complained all day about how dirty the streets were and how he’d ‘never live there’ even though it was his idea to go back to LA! In Vancouver he liked it better but of course still something to complain about like the prices of everything in Canada compared to the US. He could no longer sleep at my place because again – so many things pissed him off! Once he tried calling me in the middle of the night because one of the lights on his storage system blinked in a weird way. Yes, that kind of stuff bothers him. He has an uneven view of friendships – he expected full sympathy from me whenever he has issues (once he called me to tell me he had an STD and was taking antibiotics for it and I said why are you telling me all that and he said ‘dude don’t you have some sympathy?’) and meanwhile when I told him I broke up with my gf I got ‘oh that sucks’ followed by a news article of a new phone coming out. Another time someone on craigslist send a death threat to me which made me lose sleep for a few days. All my other friends tried to help me out in both of these situations, what did Ethan do for me? Nothing. He also tells me WAY too much useless stuff like what kind of socks he bought that day, or what kind of condoms he is bringing to Korea to fuck girls with and sometimes even sends me videos of japanese porn videos. I said dude thats too much don’t tell me that and he gets confused by it, and if I ever send him the same kind of videos or texts, he says ‘dude thats digusting I don’t want to see that’. He wanted to see a pic of me with my gf so I sent it but the only pic I had was when I dressed in a sleeping robe but he demanded to see it so I sent it to him and his response was ‘dude I don’t want to see you in that don’t you have a better pic?’ and whenever I have girls over at my place he always quickly makes it a priority to point out how dirty and messy my place is to them. A guy who’s supposed to be my friend does that kind of shit to me? its these kind of annoyances that really piss me off when talking to him.
And he gets sick too easily. Classic Ethan story that demonstrates who he is – He eats 2 week old rice which gave him food poisoning – 4 times it happened last year, he passed out and went to urgent care, then he had to call up one of his female friends (he only makes friends with Asian girls and refuses to make guy friends) to help him out, then doesn’t thank her at all, and complains about how he got sick for the next week, then tries to fight the hospital to get his money back so he doesn’t have to pay. Ridiculous.
Just this year 2018, he moved to Korea and started complaining almost immediately about how he couldn’t get a refund for his laptop and started raging about how he’d kill those fuckers at Dell Korea and molotov the building. He told me he would be ‘serious’ this time about finding a girl to marry but instead he ends up playing around with girls that can’t even speak English. He used my friends gf and some other Korean girls there to do his bidding for him, like transferring his money back to US, and dumped those girls immediately after. My friends gf even told me he said he would pay for her dinner in return for her helping him out; surprise surprise he didn’t and she ended up paying for herself. He still complained about not being able to save $10 here or $20 there even though those things happened months ago. And whenever he had his money in cryptocurrency, he always bombarded me with questions about it, since I was on a slack channel for crypto. He was also extremely nosy, always asking me about my gf, my relationship and everything. He either brags or complains about nearly everything in his life.
Honestly the part I’ll miss most about him is being able to play games with him, those times I genuinely enjoyed, but even then he had a myriad of issues. He returned his laptop back three times and had 10 different phones in the past year because of his pickiness about everything, the display camera build quality etc everything had to look PERFECT. He kept going back and forth between Nvidia and Alienware drivers numerous times to fix what he perceived to be ‘unacceptable’ lag in a game whereas I put up with lag all the time. He’s spent hours trying to fix an issue where his game wouldn’t go fullscreen before we started playing. He refused to use my spare gaming laptop because the keyboard was too ‘dirty’ for him. He had to play on top of a box as well, because he didn’t like to play with the screen lower than him while sitting. My mechanical keyboard bothers him too much with the sound, so I can’t type when we are playing together. Once he spent 10 minutes trying to fix a Facetime issue where his screen was not rotating correctly, while we were in the middle of the game (we always Facetime because he needs to see my face for some reason). On that topic, he also gets angry if my face is not perfectly within the webcam view, even though he never looks at me while we are gaming. He forces me to put my phone into landscape mode as well, due to the same issue. He will complain if the resolution isn’t high enough (he asked me to use my iPad Air webcam instead of the iPad Pro because it was somehow less grainy and that matters to him enough).. I hate that shit, why does he care so much about so many pointless things? He gets angry if I don’t pick up his Facetime calls on time and assumes I have a phone problem if I don’t. He also constantly texts girls all the time when we are gaming (even though he doesn’t let me use my phone while having dinner). Once he called me to play a game together I said ok, and then proceeded to wait for 40 minutes while he was doing shit getting his Korean bank account ready. I got tired of waiting for him to get ready so I decided to watch some videos. Then once the time got to 11pm I said to him ‘well looks like we can’t play today, its too late now’ and his response was ‘well you were watching the videos the whole time!’- I got so pissed about this because it was HIM who called me to play games in the first place and HIM that spent 40 minutes doing stuff on his Korean bank account. I only played videos because I was tired of waiting for him to get ready… and then he accuses me of being the one holding things up. That’s unbelievable. Once the sunlight in my room bothered him too much and we had to move a desk to another location for him to play the game. And if the map is too hard, he will complain about it ‘dude this isn’t fun’ and refuse to play it anymore. It’s like a 10 step process just to play games with him.
To my mind, the effort required to be his friend just wasn’t worth it anymore. It stressed me out. It made me annoyed whenever I had to talk to him. He was becoming almost like a psychopath, and all my friends/family told me I should keep my distance from him. He was just a constant source of negative energy, everytime we talked he was either bragging or complaining about something and he was clearly a selfish manipulative douchebag, that only cared about himself and his money. Never had any sympathy for others (he told me ‘it sucks’ and then pasted a link of a new phone that came out when I told him I broke up with my gf, whereas all my other friends tried to help me), and clearly was judgmental (he even told me I was too ‘tolerant’ and should cut off contact with people more, and to him everyone is guilty until proven innocent), discriminatory (only wanted to have dinner with Asian girls, not dating freaking DINNER), paranoid (he said that he would force his gf to install Telegram because he refused to talk money on google hangouts) and a playboy (he brags about fucking girls without a condom in Korea and knowingly has STDs) on top of that. It was just too hard to be friends with him. Out of all my friends in Canada/USA/Korea I’ve never had someone that took so much effort to be their friend. And he’s never going to change. He’s already 35 years old and he acts like a spoiled whiny 12 year old, so I think its already too late for him to change. Besides, he doesn’t want to. He thinks his way has too many advantages which he always brags about. “His way” gets him more money and gets him ahead because he extorts companies and takes advantage of people, so from a selfish perspective of course he’s better off being a douchebag, it’s just that because he burns all his bridges with people and doesn’t care about the value of friendship he’s likely to end up a lonely bitter old man, that’s all. The only reason I stayed friends with him last year was because I needed someone to hang out with, that’s all. I’m usually a pretty tolerant and forgiving person, but even I have limits. Some people like him, the level of bullshit I have to put up with all the time is too much, and I just decided the positives of being his friend didn’t outweigh the negatives of it, and defriended him finally. I feel like I have lifted a huge weight off my chest.