The dream is dying…

These past few days have been depressing, more than usual I guess. I accidentally erased my video logs dating back to late 2013, where I would just talk to the camera about various issues at the time. I would do this at various times between 2013-present and I lost all my video logs back then since I don’t upload those to youtube and they were together on the disk with my other youtube video files so I accidentally deleted them while organizing my files.

So I had to recollect all my memories from back then and re-iterate them again. But the most disappointing part of being in Korea so far is being rejected by Korean girls, and thats the main source of my depression. I’ve been rejected by 3 girls on the first date in the last 2 months, and thats what spurring this rant today.

I have posted several times last year about how hard it was to get a Korean girl to like me, and in my total 2 years in Korea I’ve only had 2 girls that have been my official girlfriend, for a total of only about 4 months. Out of 24 months, the other 20 months I’ve been single. I’ve been on many dates, but for some reason the girl always rejects me or loses interest after the first date. I’m not sure what I did wrong. I pay for girls, I treat them nicely, I talk to her about her interests, etc I don’t understand what I am doing wrong on the first date.

The problem is for foreigners, we don’t have that many ways to meet Korean girls. Most couples that I see on the street, those Korean couples met through blind dating, they had a friend or coworker introduce them. Because I never went to school here or work for a Korean company, I don’t have anyone to introduce me. My Korean friends’ friends all already have a boyfriend or they don’t date foreign guys (xenophobic society I know). Thus we can meet girls only through a few ways, either going to club or bar or picking up girls through “hunting”, using meetups or language exchange apps or sites, or going to church.
I don’t like to do “hunting” as my personality is totally unfit for it, and its hard to change my personality. Meeting girls at church could be my last resort, but I’m not religious in any way. Using language exchange apps or sites have been the primary way for me to meet girls so far, and out of those girls I’ve met, 70% of them text me for a few days and then eventually stop texting or responding after that. the remaining 30% that are willing to meet me, about 90% of them are only interested in language exchange. So you can imagine how difficult it is to meet a girl on these apps or sites for dating. Its not exactly very easy. And dating apps are a crapshoot as well. Most dating apps are only for Koreans (they use phone verification to ensure only Koreans can use it), Naver cafe dating sites are again, only for Koreans as they use verification. Tinder is a crapshoot since mostly foreign girls use them and the Korean girls that use that only want white men.

So what am I to do? The last couple girls I have met for dating, all rejected me after the first date, leaving me more or less pretty much guaranteed to be single for my remaining 4 months in Korea. I’ve tried as hard as I can without resorting to going to church or hunting. I know Korean girls care about appearance and cleanliness, so I’ve changed my hairstyle and clothing style, did lasik surgery to get rid of glasses, etc I speak a combination of Korean and English so that they don’t feel too lost when I speak English. I always pay for them when we go out. I don’t know what else I can do to make them interested in me… I’ve tried my best.

So far I’ve met these kind of girls:
-left me hanging on the street after I told her that appearance is important
-called the cops on me because she thought I was secretly taking video of her
-blocked me because I suggested her to go to a hookah place and she thought it was some kind of dangerous drug
-blocked me because last time we met I couldn’t find where she was fast enough
-blocked me because I took 3 days to respond to her message (I was in SF meeting my coworkers at the time)
-blocked me because I couldn’t meet her for drinking beer the exact day she asked (I was in SF at the time)
-blocked me because I said her pictures were pretty
-blocked me because I made a (mild) joke about her ex-bf and learning his language
-blocked me and went crazy swearing at me because I uploaded a video of us together on my youtube that she didn’t like
-blocked me because I wouldn’t give her money even though she wasn’t my gf
-blocked me because I didn’t “satisfy” her enough on our date even though on the date she pretended to like me a lot and I responded to it but I wasn’t “good enough”

Its like if I even did something like breathe the wrong way the girl would stop talking to me. I have no idea why I am meeting these types of girls while my friends always meets the kind of girls that are sweet and loving and want to be with them. Its like I’m cursed to forever be single or something.

Its ironic that I would have the most trouble getting a Korean girlfriend in Korea, the land of Korean girls. I want to keep trying though, since I am very devoted and loyal to them (haven’t dated a non Korean girl since 2012) and I am confident I can find the right girl, but maybe she’s not in Korea. Maybe I have to go back to USA or Canada to find her, as crazy as that sounds. I know those girls are more likely to be harder to get (more competition from American guys) and harder to find (less Koreans obviously) and probably going to go back to Korea at some point (exchange student), but what can I do? 2 years in Korea, and still nothing. I was too picky last year I know, but this year I’m not picky anymore, and I still can’t find the right girl. I am highly doubtful in the next 4 months that anything will change. I am close to giving up on finding a Korean girlfriend in Korea at this point. Its just torture seeing all these beautiful girls outside being really sweet and loving to their boyfriends, and knowing that I have no chance of getting those kind of girls to even respond to my messages let alone meet them and be in a relationship with them. Its like sitting behind the bars of a jail cell watching delicious food go past while you are hungry and starving, and unable to get those foods. Its within your reach, but you can’t get it. I’m about ready to leave Korea at this point. 4 more months of agony, out of my 20 months of total agony and I will finally go back to the USA, where I will still be lonely but the agony won’t be as painful because of the lack of Korean couples.

Some people ask me why Korean girls ? If you have so much trouble why don’t you marry a Chinese girl or Japanese girl? They don’t understand that
1) we are attracted to who we are attracted to. I can’t help who I like, why force myself to like girls who I don’t like?
2) Korean girls have the perfect combination of appearance and personality for me. Everything from their facial structure, way they dress, put on makeup, treat their boyfriend etc is perfect for me. Most Korean girls out there, care about their appearance a lot, always have good fashion and check their makeup wherever they go, are really sweet and loving to their boyfriends, nice and polite, loyal to Korean men (I’ve had several girls straight up tell me they only date Korean guys), very feminine and cute personalities, and on top of that do the cooking and cleaning and take care of children after they get married. The sad thing is Korean men don’t really appreciate those attributes, still cheat on them a lot and go for foreigner girls and have high standards for Korean girls. I don’t really understand that. Korean guys take what Korean girls do for them for granted… they don’t understand how amazing and perfect Korean girls are.
3) There’s vast differences between the 3 different races especially between Chinese and Korean girls. I’ve made a video about this before.
4) I don’t like it when people tell me this. It’s almost as if they think that Korean girls are out of my league and I should go for a “lesser” girl. Why don’t Korean guys or heck white guys get asked why they like Korean girls only?
5) I spent the last 4 years of my life focused on Korean language, culture and living in Korea. You think I would throw that all away and end up marrying a different kind of girl? That makes no sense.

But since its the last goal I really have in my life, I already have a stable job and an apartment, I need to devote all my resources to achieving this goal, and if 4 years of my life wasn’t enough (2 years studying Korean, 2 years spent in Korea), then we’ll keep going until this goal is achieved. As long as I am concerned, its either get the right Korean girlfriend who matches with me and marry her, or stay single forever. There’s no other option.

Japan vs Korea vs China, Inter-Asian relationships

I’m back from Japan! which means I now have been to the three major East Asian countries, Japan Korea and China. Which means I can do a fair comparison between all three.

Cost of living
Japan is the costliest for sure. Not only is it about 20-30% more expensive than Korea on everything, but a lot of places are cash only! Electronics, Food, Housing, services etc everything is the most expensive in Japan. China has probably the cheapest cost of living in general, unless you are staying in Beijing or Shanghai. Aside from those two cities, other cities are much cheaper to live in. Korea is somewhere in between.

Winner: China

Food
Japan has a lot of good seafood and noodles. Of course I don’t eat much seafood, so I mostly ate Soba, Ramen and Udon, and YakiniQ and Shabu shabu. If you like seafood, Japan’s the place to go. Korea has mostly spicy food, pork or chicken is common. They don’t have that many vegetables aside from Kimchi in their dishes, so if you like spicy meat, Korea is the best. China is big and has so many different cuisines that I can’t generalize it. Just I’m gonna say if you don’t like oily foods then don’t go to China, else China has a lot of tasty foods as well.

Winner: depends on what you like but China has the most variety

Natural Scenery
Japan has great natural scenery, Okinawa, Kyoto, lots of temples and shrines. And Korea has Jeju, Gyeongju, Gangwon-do, lots of great places as well. However, neither really compares to China, as its the biggest and is the clear winner here with every place from the mountains of Tibet to the lush mountains of Southern China, the historic capitals of Beijing, Xi’an and Nanjing, Yunnan, Guizhou, Huangshan, the canals of Suzhou and Wuzhen, the West Lake of Hangzhou, I mean Southern China by itself is its own category for beauty, mainland China wins here by virtue of having the most land, so no offense to Japan and Korea, but China clearly wins here.

Winner: China

Technology
Japan has the best technology by far. For example they have machines that scan your face, determine your mood and recommend you a drink based on that. That’s incredible. Korea has great technology too especially fast internet but overall its a step below Japan. China, outside of Beijing/Shanghai, still lags behind Japan/Korea in tech (they just recently got LTE for example, and China never had 3G penetration). In addition a lot of websites are banned in China and you need a VPN to access them so yeah… beware of that.

Winner: Japan

English
Korea uses the most English out of the three, which means its the most friendly to foreigners. A lot of Korean words sound just like English anyways (Konglish), and Koreans in general speak the best English out of the three. Japan has a bit of English but not much and most places will have Japanese only. China, good luck there’s no English to be found pretty much anywhere and Chinese generally cannot speak a lick of English.

Winner: Korea

Nightlife
Korea has the most 24 hour establishments out of the three, and Seoul is The place to go for all night drinking and clubbing, so if you’re into that, Korea is the place. Japan has 24 hour places too, but less so than Korea, and not so much drinking either. China didn’t even have clubs until very recently thanks to Communism, and its still developing. That said, Shanghai has nightlife on par with any big Asian city.

Winner: Korea (Seoul in particular)

Women
Ah, the girls. As for absolute beauty, if you don’t care natural or unnatural, Korea takes the cake here. Korean girls love to dress up, wear short skirts and lots of makeup and in general you won’t find many ugly Korean girls at all.
Japanese girls are more conservative, tend to cover their legs more by wearing pants, long dresses or knee length dresses, and while they do makeup, not as much as Korean girls do.
Chinese girls, I’ve mentioned before, prefer not to do anything to their appearance, and don’t do makeup nor dress up that much. They are the most conservative out of the three (again thanks to Communism). I’m not going to get into “natural beauty” as Chinese girls often like to brag about, since all races have “natural beauty” its how much extra attention you put into your appearance, and Korean girls win by a landslide here. You’ll also find that the rate of glasses-wearing girls is correlated as well, with about 60%~ of Chinese girls wearing glasses, 30%~ of Japanese girls wearing glasses, and 10%~ of Korean girls wearing glasses.

Behavior wise, Japanese girls are extremely kind and polite, my Japanese friend paid for everything from food, spa, even my train ticket to Kyoto! I’ve never had a woman pay that much for me before. Japanese girls are more indirect when they are talking to you, and very shy. Chinese girls are opposite, very direct and blunt when talking and not as shy as other Asian girls. Their manners are not as good as Koreans or Japanese, as many people who have seen Chinese tourists can attest to. Korean girls are somewhere in the middle in behavior, the perfect balance if you ask me.

Winner: Korea on absolute beauty, Japanese on the most well mannered

Some people might say I have a Korean bias, so I will add a video later to show the differences and you can judge for yourself. I will also visit Taiwan after, so I can do a comparison of Taiwanese girls too, though I expect somewhat of a cross between Chinese and Japanese.

Ok and another topic I wanted to talk is InterAsian relationships. A lot of fuss has been made around Asian-White relationships and I’ve blogged about this in the past, just like a lot of Asian Canadian/American guys I was angry at how many white guys were “stealing” our women, but after meeting actual Asian girls from Asia I changed my stance on this.
It doesn’t matter to me anymore, because I don’t care about Asian American girls anymore. To me, they are just American girls wrapped in an Asian skin. Their personalities are totally American.

I’m more interested in Asian-Asian relationships, particularly since I’m a Chinese interested in Korean women. Fact is, I’ve seen less Inter-asian relationships than white-asian relationships and thats really perplexing to me. But as I’ve seen, the reason this might be, is because Asians are generally close minded to their own race. Chinese hang out with Chinese, Koreans with Koreans, Japanese with Japanese. Because of this narrow mindedness they develop misconceptions of other Asians and are not willing to hang out outside of their race. Thus, other Asian men aren’t likely to ask out women from another Asian race.

That’s my reasoning for why I see so few Chinese men-Korean girl relationships since on paper, thats a pretty darn good pairing! Chinese men are known to be good at household work, and the new generation of Korean girls prefer guys who can do housework/cooking as the previous generation of Korean guys couldn’t. Also, Chinese guys don’t mind spending money for girls whereas Korean guys complain about it.
Yet, I rarely have seen that pairing.

More common is White men-Asian girl pairings, and why is this more common? Because white people (and I mean Westerners by that) are more open minded and willing to try new kinds of relationships. They are also much more aggressive in talking to girls, which in the end is why there’s much more white-asian relationships than Asian-other asian relationships.

I often get asked ‘why do you like Korean girls? why not Chinese girls?’ and I don’t like this, because I was born near Korea, so I have a similar background, we’re both Asian, and why do I have to like the race I was born into anyways? I don’t think white guys who date Asian girls get asked the same question “why do you only like Asian girls?” despite the fact that I know quite a large number of white friends who have yellow fever and exclusively date Asian girls. They have less in common with Asians and they don’t get asked, while I have a lot in common with Koreans and I get questioned. Weird.



Anyways thats my rant for now…

Guide to dating women in South Korea

After almost 2 years of living in Seoul, and going to lots of clubs/parties/online websites, I have accumulated enough experience to give a general guide on dating Korean women. Yes I know, I’m not exactly a playboy, but I’ve seen enough guys dating girls here and know enough about Korean culture to give my 2 cents on this, and I know that some foreigner guys come to Korea exclusively to find women here, so here it is.

HOW TO MEET A KOREAN GIRL:
-I am Chinese Canadian, so dating in Korea is a little bit more difficult for me than for white people. As with any other Asian country, White people have the most advantage due to Hollywood/America etc all that stuff that Asian women like. Like other Asian women, Korean girls think that every guy in America looks like Chris Evans and has alot of money. So if you are white, then definitely you have the most advantage.
-That said, out of all Asian girls, Korean girls are also the hardest to get for a foreigner. Why is this? Because its a small country. Koreans have a culture where they support each other, very family oriented etc which means that a number of girls strictly only date with Korean guys. This is not a majority of girls though, as a sizeable amount are open to dating with foreigners.
-The BEST way to date a Korean girl is to get introduced. The culture here emphasizes blind dating. So if you know a Korean friend, he/she can introduce you, thats the best way. Otherwise you will have to use online meetup websites, or language exchange sites, or applications like HelloTalk or MEEP to get to know a girl. This is more difficult to get to know them because Korean girls are super flaky and a lot of them don’t trust meeting guys online. Out of the language sites and apps I used, only about 30-40% responded to me, and out of that response rate, maybe a third was willing to meet up while the other girls were Kakao chats only.
-Speaking of Kakao, that is the WeChat of Korea, the QQ of Korea, if you will. Absolutely if you want to contact a girl, be sure to download the KakaoTalk application and sign up, since every Korean girl uses that app to communicate.
-One night stand is fairly common especially in the areas of Seoul known for good nightlife like Hongdae or Itaewon. If you are white especially, just go to any club, be sure to have a wingman, and try talking up some girls and knowing a bit of Korean doesn’t hurt either. You should always be the one to talk though, Korean girls aren’t known for being loud or very talkative.
-Most young Korean girls can speak English alright, but not fluently. You should learn some basic Korean if you want to communicate with a girl effectively, but there are lots of girls in Hongdae/Itaewon who know English pretty well too, so if you go to those areas you might be ok.
-Do NOT make sexual jokes with a Korean girl or ask her over to your place unless you know them very well or if its a sleazy type of girl you met at a club. Most Korean girls will not go to a guys place the first time you meet them. They want to take time to get to know you first before they can come over.
-Lots of Korean girls go to church, how devoted they are depends on the girl, but church is always a good way to meet people, if your Korean is good enough to understand what they are saying.
-If you are brave enough, approaching a girl in a public area to ask for her number is actually done by many guys and is called “hunting”. Depends on the time and place, but it may work out, especially if you are white.
-Attracting a Korean girl is much like attracting any woman and the laws of picking up apply equally no matter where you are in the world – women are attracted to men who are funny, outgoing, can relate to them, listen to them, share similar interests, etc. Thus for playboys who have success in America or Europe, in Korea and other parts of Asia its not too big of a leap. For introverted guys like me, its much more difficult and takes more time. But thats the way things are in life.

HOW TO DATE A KOREAN GIRL:

-A relationship with a Korean girl is a give a lot – get a lot type of relationship. You have to text/call her a lot, so Korean girls are definitely high maintenance. I’d say like 50-60 texts a day especially if the girl is young. What you get in return is a girl who really does care about you and very sweet and loving, in my opinion. They do little things for you like help you put on your coat, buy gifts for you, do cute things with you etc they can be very sweet if you put in the time for them.
-Usually on a date, the guy is expected to pay for the main meal, and the girl usually pays for coffee/tea later. One side doesn’t pay for everything.
-You are expected to remember the major couple days in Korea, and there is a lot, in addition to bday/anniversary there is valentines day (2/14) where the girl gets the guy a gift and white day (3/14) where the guy gets the girl a gift. Pretty much very month has some of kind of couple day like Rose day or Peppero day (a Pocky-like snack) so be aware of these days.
-Korean girls can be very jealous, and some girls might even ask you not to meet any of your female friends. This is normal in Korea, where relationships tend to be very exclusive, and time for meeting other people are restricted if you are in a relationship. This is in accordance with the give a lot / get a lot thing. This is also why Korea has a very high proportion of couples that you see in public compared to other countries.
-Don’t be messy. Make sure if you invite a Korean girl over to your place, everything is super clean and tidy. That’s what they expect.
-They prefer the man to make the decisions for them. So when you set up a date, be sure to decide on the places to go, schedule, etc they will be expecting you to. They are very feminine and so they prefer guys to take the initiative.

WHY A KOREAN GIRL OVER OTHER ASIAN GIRLS:
-Korean girls are known as amongst the most beautiful women in the world, at least superficially, and they are probably the most self-conscious insecure women in Asia. Almost every girl wears makeup all the time, and dresses up like its clubbing attire all the time. Short skirts, high heels, transparent stockings (yes even in winter) are pretty normal wear for Korean women. You will probably find them the most feminine out of all Asian women. They all like to have pale skin, red lips and perfect straight white teeth (unlike Japanese girls). A lot of people try to put down Korean girls thinking they have so called ‘fake’ beauty but don’t listen to them, just because they put on makeup all the time or care about their appearance a lot doesn’t mean they were ugly before. Its just a part of their manners and culture.
-Yes alot of girls get plastic surgery but to be fair, 80% of the time, this is for getting double eyelids to make their eyes look bigger. This is why you will see more Korean girls with bigger eyes than Korean guys. If you have a problem with girls wearing a lot of makeup or having surgery on her face, then Korean girls are probably not for you (You should probably try Chinese girls instead).
-As I said, if you put time into the relationship, they can be very very sweet and loving women, and very devoted. I can’t compare with other Asian girls much, but definitely they put alot of effort into the relationship.
-No expectation for the guy to cook or do housework, since most Korean men can’t. But its always a plus if you can!
-Great fashion sense, and you’ll also notice 90% of Korean girls don’t wear glasses, preferring contacts or lasik surgery instead.
-Korean women shave every part of their body except ‘down under’, but some do if you ask them to.
-Most Korean girls are very polite and nice to people, but also very shy at first glance. You have to get them to open up.

DOWNSIDES
-Korean girls can be very very superficial and shallow sometimes. They care alot about fashion, style, appearance, hygiene. They don’t like facial hair. So go for a clean cut appearance, no glasses, blazer, collar shirt, khakis etc are all good. No baggy stuff, tattoos, beards, bling etc they hate that.
-Guys who are tall and fit and muscular definitely have an advantage over other guys.
-They are high maintenance. You have to put a lot of time into them, and spend a lot of time with them. This is why you always see couples everywhere in Korea. They are very dependent on guys. So you can’t be ignoring them or spending time with other people as often.
-Again, the extreme jealousy part… Korean girls can get pretty crazy if they find you with another girl talking or texting. Be wary of these things.
-Yes some girls are gold diggers, but this can be said for any girl in the world, so take caution with that.
-More so than any other Asian race, Korean women are loyal to their race and because of their conservative culture, a fair amount only stick to Korean guys. So just be aware there’s a sizeable portion that you just can’t get as a foreigner.
-The hottest girls (10s) don’t speak English at all. Which makes them pretty much Korean men material only. You can try but… unless you are a celebrity it will be very difficult.

All in all, Korean women IMO are the hottest girls in Asia, surgery or not. Their mind is in between Chinese women and Japanese women, which means they aren’t totally blunt but not totally hiding their emotions either. If you like a girl who cares about her appearance, and are willing to put in the time and effort you will be rewarded, so check out South Korea if you have the chance. Hope this post helps you guys.