New Job and uncertain future…

Well, as a lot of my friends know now, I was laid off a month ago at my previous company Walmart Labs, and I’ve spent the last 2 weeks doing a lot of hectic interviewing. I enjoyed doing interviewing and coding exercises when I was young but now I am kind of annoyed of having to do them over and over. And companies judge you a lot based on how well you do on those, based on arbitrary parameters. I did get to learn a lot more ReactJS and Angular 2 / TypeScript and did get to compare the two a little. Its interesting that JS, once a language that was thought to be a ‘kiddie’ programming language, now can be considered more closer to Java than ever now, as we have ES6 and TypeScript and classes / static functions / constructors / type checking all coming into play now.

So after interviewing with a bunch of companies, I’ve settled on a small-medium sized company based in downtown SF called Spigit, which is an innovation management company. Part of the reason I chose them is because 1) they are in downtown SF and I hate commuting 2) the people and work environment reminds me of Switchfly the first company I worked at which is a good thing 3) they will work with Angular 2 which I did enjoy learning and feel its not a steep a learning curve as ReactJS.

Other than that, life is boring. I got homesick a lot when I was living in Korea, and now that I’ve been back for 2 months, I’ve missed Korea a lot too. I only have one good friend Ethan here, and we usually hang out at least once a week. My other good friend Tony moved down to Redwood City so its hard to see him, and my other good friend Patrick is pretty hard to get a hold of these days as well. So yeah its been hard making friends, and I find myself more and more missing my life back in 2011-2014. Those were the days when I could go to meetups, meet a lot of cool people, there were a lot of Korean international students back then, and I liked working at my company. That’s part of the reason why I chose this company is because it reminds me of my old one – but I know that times have changed, and the Meetups are definitely not the same as before and there’s definitely not as many Koreans in the city as before.

I used to meet Koreans a lot on the conversation exchange websites – now I am lucky to see even one new Korean on that website I haven’t seen before. I think its a combination of Trump’s anti-immigration policies + cost of living in SF going up that has driven away alot of international students.

I have pretty much given up hope of meeting the right girl now. I failed to bring a girl back from Korea – and now there’s 0% chance of meeting a Korean girl here that would be interested in me. Its hard to meet ANY Korean here, let a lone a cute girl who’s interested in me. And SF might be the worst place ever to meet a girl – not only is SF getting more and more gentrified – which means more engineers come here which are mostly men – but any decent looking girl who comes here automatically gets bombed / spammed by guys as soon as she comes here! There’s absolutely NO chance of meeting anyone on a dating site because almost guy here is on there and any cute girls get their inbox spammed after a few days – its not uncommon to see some Korean or Chinese girls with their inbox too full to even message on OKC! My friend’s current gf (who is Chinese so she doesn’t usually wear makeup or dress up that much) gets hit on constantly at her work and guys constantly compliment her and want to take her out and buy her stuff. And that’s without her putting that much time into her appearance! Imagine if the typical makeup / short-skirt wearing Korean girl comes here what would happen? I fear they might get stalked and/or raped.. I’ve had stories of some of my Korean friends going back to Korea and still being contacted by guys that they met in America a year before. Combine this with the fact that most girls in SF don’t pay attention to their appearance + are super feminist = you get tons of desperate horny guys here salivating for traditional Asian girls.

Adding onto those woes, my plan of going to Vancouver has been thwarted by my company suddenly letting me go – and remote jobs are really hard to find so my new plan is to stay with my new company for a year – I am a contractor now after all – and save up money to buy a place in Vancouver so I can move there in the future.

I also have some travel plans this year. First of all I should go to Vancouver next week so that I can renew my TN Visa with my new company (fingers crossed Trump won’t make any changes with the TN visa), then I will definitely go back to Korea sometime in the summer.
I have three girls who *might* be interested in me back in Korea – one of them is emotionally unstable, one of them is married and has an abusive controlling husband so I’m trying to convince her to divorce her husband, and the other one doesn’t speak english well and has never been to US or Canada before and doesn’t want to quit her job in Korea. So yeah -pretty grim choices I think, but I’m definitely more desperate now than before and really regret being as picky as I was back in 2015.
Finally – I want to go back to Canada and visit Toronto and Winnipeg again to meet my Korean/Chinese friends as well as my brother. Hoping to go sometime in the fall.

Right now, pretty depressing relationship-wise and trying to save up money..

Well, I started working again just 1 week ago, and as ever it feels so tiring commuting to the office everyday and working at a smaller company –
the demands are higher, that’s for sure, and I can’t coast like I did at Walmart anymore.

I had hoped that working at Spigit would bring me back to my glory days working at Switchfly, 2011-2013 where I had the best time of my life both
with cool coworkers and with meeting cool friends at language exchange meetup after work everyday.
But times change, and those days are gone now. Meetups aren’t the same anymore. SF became way more gentrified now, there’s way more guys here than girls, and very few Korean students are here compared to before. Yeah, I’m working at a small tech company downtown again, but everything else has changed.

All my friends went back to Korea or Taiwan or Japan. One of my best friends in SF moved down to Redwood City and he works in Mountain View so I can’t see him that often anymore. I only have one good friend left in SF now and I hang out with him so much that I feel like I really need
to get away and have another friend to hang out with cause hanging out too much with just one guy isn’t good for me. I need some variety.

In Korea I was homesick about SF, but mostly homesick about going back to working a normal schedule again and not having to sleep in the daytime and live like a vampire anymore. In Korea, it was terrible for my health. Everyday I woke up at 5pm or 6pm, then went to some meetup, met some people
I probably never talk to more than once or twice, go home, I would eat fast food or instant ramen or pasta or rice at 12am and then start work at 2am, then eat again at 5am then sleep at 10am. I maintained this schedule for TWO freaking years. And never went to the doctor or hospital because I was afraid of my Korean ability and also did not have health insurance. As you can imagine, it took a toll on my health. I am definitely not as healthy as I was back in 2014.

But I knew that as lonely as I was living in Korea like a vampire, living in SF was just as lonely. It’s soul-less here. I feel like since I started working my life has become totally robotic. Every day, wake up, go to work, eat, finish work, then meet my friend for gaming or eating. On weekends its the same, gaming or eating with my one friend. And he has a gf so its not THAT bad for him, but for me its far worse since I know I have NO chance to meet a girl here this year.

When me and my friend went to Vancouver we saw a place where there was an even ratio between guys and girls, a place where Koreans actually stayed long term to work, etc. SF is different. There’s way more males here than females due to a concentration of engineers. It’s like in China, where guys outnumber girls and as you expect that kind of ratio favors women way more, making SF a much better place for girls than for guys. Whether for pricing reasons or visa difficulties or Trump or everything, there’s almost no Koreans that stay in San Francisco long term. Almost every Korean here is a student or a traveler. I hosted several Koreans and other Asians at my house as a Couchsurfing host much as I did in 2014 since I enjoyed meeting new people, but sooner or later they eventually leave since they are temporary, and once again I become lonely. There’s very few options for me anymore other than to just tough it out this year and save money to go to Vancouver next year or year after. There’s no way I can move back to Canada right now since the American dollar is so strong and I can earn literally double what I can make in Canada.

I also don’t think I’ll ever move back to Korea again. And unfortunately for Korean girls, most Korean girls that I like either have a bf already, or live/work in Korea, and don’t want to move abroad or are not interested in me or all three. Since they are so conservative especially compared to Chinese, Koreans usually stay within their own country and date their own race. This makes it very difficult for a foreigner like me. Working in Korea is so hard and most Koreans are incredibly busy due to how much they have to work, and they make very little money on top of that. So there’s pretty much no point to try to work in Korea if I can get an American job.

I can try to find a remote job again, but then I would have to risk the time difference problem and thus my health again, which I don’t want to do. What if I was a freelancer and could work my own hours in Korea? Well, that would be better, but there’s still a fundamental problem… in Korea most girls meet guys through blind dating. In Korea I never had many friends that would introduce me to girls. The main reason I believe (since I can speak Korean fairly ok for conversation) is because I couldn’t stay in Korea long term, and eventually I would go back to Canada or US. And that will always hold true. I don’t think I would ever live in Korea long term… its very difficult for me to do so since I don’t have a house or family there. And since Koreans are so conversative about moving or living abroad, basically this narrows my chances to women who: 1) I can meet either at meetup or online 2) keeps in contact with me (very difficult since in my experience 90% of girls I meet online and meetup eventually stop contacting me or become too busy or get a bf) 3) speaks decent enough English to live abroad 4) has a desire to take a risk and live abroad particularly in Vancouver/SF 5) is open minded enough and has parents that are open minded enough to date foreigners 6) has good compatibility with my interests 7) is cute/slim/feminine enough for me (most Korean girls satisfy this but just putting it out there) 8) Is interested in me enough to start a long term relationship with me
As you can imagine it is VERY difficult to find a girl that meets all those requirements, even in Korea during the 2 years I was there it was very difficult to find a girl who can satisfy all that. That’s why even if I could find a remote job, I don’t think I would live in Korea again… there’s too many challenges still meeting the right girl there. That’s why Vancouver or even Toronto are far better places for me since I wouldn’t have to change my schedule around, I eventually will have to move back there anyway since I only have a US work visa and not a green card, the Koreans there are not as busy as they are in their home country, and the Korean girls there are already “pre-filtered” in a sense (they already have a desire to live abroad since they are already there, and probably have a desire to meet foreigners as well). Of course, the downside is I would still have to find the “right” girl but I think my chances are as good as it can get if I move back to Canada. It’s not like I had good chances getting girls to like me in Korea, their home country anyways.

On a positive side note.. I did a brief overview of all my UMPC collection / gadgets! here they are:

The curse of the odd number years

I only have a few days left before I leave Korea – now one of the reasons as a lot of my friends know, that I came to Korea was to find a Korean girlfriend and marry a Korean girl. Now that goal has to be pushed back, since I am single right now and will not be bringing back a girl to USA/Canada obviously. One of the best things about Korea, is the beautiful slim sweet and polite women here that seem to be everywhere. I’ve talked about how Korea is very unique in the sense that the *average* girl is so beautiful and caring here. Usually those kinds of girls exist in very small quantities in other countries, but in Korea the majority of girls are like that.

So when I go back to USA/Canada, my main concern is how do I find the right Korean girl abroad? There’s obviously not as many Korean girls abroad as in Korea, and the existing Korean girls there (especially in California) are going to be harder to get due to them having more options. They can choose between Korean guys, Korean-American guys and American guys. Why would they go for me? But I keep telling myself my personality changed a bit since before, I am less shy, more confident, my style is better (my friends tell me), and I know more about Korean culture and Korean language, so in theory I should have an advantage still even if I go back. But I am still hesitant and unsure about this.

One of the reasons is that next year is 2017. Now for some reason, I’ve always had worse luck in odd numbered years than even numbered years. And I’m not quite sure why that is. Let me recap my years since 2000:

2000: I was in sixth grade, and an overall really good year as I remember, since I had a good teacher, good grades, and the girl that I had a crush on acknowledged me multiple times that year.

2001: seventh grade, I struggled the most I ever had in elementary school because I had problems with math, specifically fractions as I recall. That was the only time me and my parents were really worried about my grades in elementary/high school.

2002: A good year. Eight grade I actually got to dance with my crush(!) at the school dance, and overall I have fond memories of my last year in elementary school. My teacher was really cool and I remember end of year we had a party at my crush’s house!

2003: Ninth grade. Nothing too special happened this year, and I don’t remember anything too exciting happening to me that year. It was overall a so-so year. I remember getting my first job as a dishwasher at a local restaurant. My love for chicken wings started then.

2004: Tenth grade. I tried out for the football team and made it (my friend convinced me). And my popularity went up a lot because of that. A lot of girls knew me throughout the school because of my presence on the football team. Also the time I began programming websites.

2005: Eleventh grade. I remember starting my interest in guitar and playing guitar at the coffee house this year but I also remember being rejected by a lot of girls I was interested in that year. I remember being forced to take summer physics and chemistry classes by my mom because she thought it was necessary for computer science in university. I told my mom it had nothing to do with computer science but she wouldn’t listen because apparently in China, they had to take chemistry and physics, so that means in Canada I had to take them as well. Typical Chinese mom logic. That summer I also worked as a cashier for a local convenience store. I remember my love of snack sausages starting then.

2006: 12th grade. My last year of high school was pretty memorable. My guitar skills continually went up, and I played some gigs in Barrie and Toronto. I had graduation parties at my friend’s houses and in particular one Japanese friend I made who I would meet 10 years later in Japan this year (amazing right). The first time I drank a lot of alcohol and nearly died from alcohol poisoning (I blacked out and woke up at my friends house). Also my first year at University of Toronto where I made a lot of friends in my CS program, made friends at Frosh Week, worked at the CNE as a screen door demonstrator often making fun of all the ridiculous people that walked by. I lived in the university residence that year and met a cool Korean roommate who introduced me to Korean church. Overall it was a very memorable year.

2007: My first/second year of university I remember being insanely difficult, and my lowest grades I ever got in university came in second year. Not only that but, one of my female friends in university started ignoring me (I still dont know the original reason why) and I was really frustrated by it and my schoolwork was ultimately affected by it since I constantly saw her. She was a total bitch now that I look back on it, but back then I was too innocent and it deeply affected my personality as I used to care how other people thought about me and now I don’t.

2008: My second/third year of university was also difficult, though not to the same degree as in 2007. I started studying more and more. I met one of my best friends in university that year (a chinese girl in my economics class). I started playing piano more and often did so with her. I started investing in stocks that year. I remember changing my focus to economics and business and not just computer science.

2009: my third/fourth year of university was a bit easier. I took different courses, and thankfully got my co-op internship at the Canadian government that year and met a lot of cool people. This year and the next were technically a break from school as I didn’t take many courses while I worked. I bought my first car that year. It was my first job and I started becoming more conservative because I realized how much I got taxed. I took public speaking at Toastmasters. I remember being too shy to talk to girls still. And I got rejected by the Commerce program forcing me to change to just an Economics major. Took a trip to Cuba with my family that year which was nice.

2010: Still working at the internship, but it was overall better year than 2009. I started to hang out more with co-op students, met many friends, went to lots of house parties. I made my first girlfriend that year, a Chinese-Canadian girl and had my first kiss. I remember putting on an mp3 CD in my car, and driving with the sunroof down in the hot Canadian summer. I remember going to a Chinese temple with a cute girl and listening to Beethoven in the car with her. I started to open up more that year. Joined AIESEC and was the website manager for the Toronto branch. Overall 2010 was a memorable year.

2011: Probably the best odd-numbered year I ever had. I finally graduated university, and thankfully I found a job in the place I wanted, in San Francisco/Silicon Valley, California. That was my biggest accomplishment to date. I went to San Francisco first to go to a technology conference and fell in love with the city. And fortunately I was able to live there now. I made one of my best American friends there at that first company, Switchfly Inc (Chinese-American). That year I also got interested in Korean culture, and Korean language and made my first Korean friends (some of which I still contact to this day). 2011 was the year that made it possible for me to live in the USA, so it was unforgettable. I also took a trip to China for 2 weeks before I came back to Canada which was also a great experience.

2012: Probably still the best year of my life. I met alot of good friends at language exchange meetups, many of them Korean. I hung out with them alot, drank alot. Work was not that stressful. I would hang out with my Chinese-American friend after work and play games alot. I traveled everywhere in California, like Yosemite, Monterey, Lake Tahoe, Napa, San Diego, LA, Vegas, Grand Canyon, etc. I made my first Korean girlfriend that year, and I still remember her today. I also lost my virginity that year. I came in third in a startup competition. My brother and parents came for a visit (at different times) and I was able to fly a plane with my parents over San Francisco. My parents helped me find my SF apartment and loan me some money to purchase it late that year. I bought my scooter that year. I spent the new years with a Korean girl in San Diego. This year was really impactful on my life overall and really memorable to me.

2013: Not so good a year. Didn’t have any girlfriends that year. Work was just so-so though I changed jobs that year. I remember being rejected by a lot of girls that year, and a Korean girl standing me up in Vancouver. I lost lots of money in stocks that year and parking tickets. I went to lots of clubs and house parties but only met a handful of really good friends that year. On the plus side – I had lots of house parties, I went to Korea for the first time, which is still a really memorable experience, and had a lot of fun. My parents, brother and cousins came to visit me, and we took a roadtrip through California, Vegas, Grand Canyon together which was all really great. So this year had a lot of plus and minuses.

2014: Overall a year with more pluses I think. I found a really cool friend to hang out with in California at the beginning of the year, and we went to lots of places together including LA, and many house parties at his place and mine. Went to Korea for the 2nd time, which was great as well. Finally found a remote job I could work from anywhere, which allowed me to travel to Korea ultimately. Did Couchsurfing, hosted alot of people from different places (Poland, Texas, Korea, China, Russia) at my house. I met my second Korean girlfriend that year. Spent Christmas with a cute Korean girl by my side. It was ultimately a better year than 2013.

2015: Last year was mostly negative. I don’t want to say it was a wasted year but, most of the people I met in Korea that year, I didn’t keep in contact with except for a select few. I went to lots of clubs, lots of meetups, had lots of drinking nights in Korea – and unfortunately most of the people I spent that time with I don’t keep in contact with anymore. Thats Korean life I suppose – but its also kind of sad. On the plus side, I traveled to Eastern Europe and had a really good time there and met cool people there. But overall I don’t rate last year that highly. I didn’t find a good girl until towards the end of last year and that only ended in breakup anyways.

2016: So far, its been a okay year. I lost lots of money through betting. I focused more on my work this year. But I did lasik surgery and changed my style a bit, and that seems to have helped me a lot this year with meeting good girls. I dated multiple Korean girls this year, and it was a good experience. Traveled to Japan and Taiwan this year. I began to get tired of Korean life this year, but I felt that I really matured a lot this year, especially with relationships.

So overall, I rate my even number years a lot higher than my odd number years, (with 2011 being the exception). My years in San Francisco (2011-2014) I consider to be the best years of my life, and so I am somewhat excited about going back, but nervous about meeting a good Korean girl there. If you noticed, all the odd number years of my life, I never had a girlfriend. So hopefully I can break that curse next year!!

The dream is dying…

These past few days have been depressing, more than usual I guess. I accidentally erased my video logs dating back to late 2013, where I would just talk to the camera about various issues at the time. I would do this at various times between 2013-present and I lost all my video logs back then since I don’t upload those to youtube and they were together on the disk with my other youtube video files so I accidentally deleted them while organizing my files.

So I had to recollect all my memories from back then and re-iterate them again. But the most disappointing part of being in Korea so far is being rejected by Korean girls, and thats the main source of my depression. I’ve been rejected by 3 girls on the first date in the last 2 months, and thats what spurring this rant today.

I have posted several times last year about how hard it was to get a Korean girl to like me, and in my total 2 years in Korea I’ve only had 2 girls that have been my official girlfriend, for a total of only about 4 months. Out of 24 months, the other 20 months I’ve been single. I’ve been on many dates, but for some reason the girl always rejects me or loses interest after the first date. I’m not sure what I did wrong. I pay for girls, I treat them nicely, I talk to her about her interests, etc I don’t understand what I am doing wrong on the first date.

The problem is for foreigners, we don’t have that many ways to meet Korean girls. Most couples that I see on the street, those Korean couples met through blind dating, they had a friend or coworker introduce them. Because I never went to school here or work for a Korean company, I don’t have anyone to introduce me. My Korean friends’ friends all already have a boyfriend or they don’t date foreign guys (xenophobic society I know). Thus we can meet girls only through a few ways, either going to club or bar or picking up girls through “hunting”, using meetups or language exchange apps or sites, or going to church.
I don’t like to do “hunting” as my personality is totally unfit for it, and its hard to change my personality. Meeting girls at church could be my last resort, but I’m not religious in any way. Using language exchange apps or sites have been the primary way for me to meet girls so far, and out of those girls I’ve met, 70% of them text me for a few days and then eventually stop texting or responding after that. the remaining 30% that are willing to meet me, about 90% of them are only interested in language exchange. So you can imagine how difficult it is to meet a girl on these apps or sites for dating. Its not exactly very easy. And dating apps are a crapshoot as well. Most dating apps are only for Koreans (they use phone verification to ensure only Koreans can use it), Naver cafe dating sites are again, only for Koreans as they use verification. Tinder is a crapshoot since mostly foreign girls use them and the Korean girls that use that only want white men.

So what am I to do? The last couple girls I have met for dating, all rejected me after the first date, leaving me more or less pretty much guaranteed to be single for my remaining 4 months in Korea. I’ve tried as hard as I can without resorting to going to church or hunting. I know Korean girls care about appearance and cleanliness, so I’ve changed my hairstyle and clothing style, did lasik surgery to get rid of glasses, etc I speak a combination of Korean and English so that they don’t feel too lost when I speak English. I always pay for them when we go out. I don’t know what else I can do to make them interested in me… I’ve tried my best.

So far I’ve met these kind of girls:
-left me hanging on the street after I told her that appearance is important
-called the cops on me because she thought I was secretly taking video of her
-blocked me because I suggested her to go to a hookah place and she thought it was some kind of dangerous drug
-blocked me because last time we met I couldn’t find where she was fast enough
-blocked me because I took 3 days to respond to her message (I was in SF meeting my coworkers at the time)
-blocked me because I couldn’t meet her for drinking beer the exact day she asked (I was in SF at the time)
-blocked me because I said her pictures were pretty
-blocked me because I made a (mild) joke about her ex-bf and learning his language
-blocked me and went crazy swearing at me because I uploaded a video of us together on my youtube that she didn’t like
-blocked me because I wouldn’t give her money even though she wasn’t my gf
-blocked me because I didn’t “satisfy” her enough on our date even though on the date she pretended to like me a lot and I responded to it but I wasn’t “good enough”

Its like if I even did something like breathe the wrong way the girl would stop talking to me. I have no idea why I am meeting these types of girls while my friends always meets the kind of girls that are sweet and loving and want to be with them. Its like I’m cursed to forever be single or something.

Its ironic that I would have the most trouble getting a Korean girlfriend in Korea, the land of Korean girls. I want to keep trying though, since I am very devoted and loyal to them (haven’t dated a non Korean girl since 2012) and I am confident I can find the right girl, but maybe she’s not in Korea. Maybe I have to go back to USA or Canada to find her, as crazy as that sounds. I know those girls are more likely to be harder to get (more competition from American guys) and harder to find (less Koreans obviously) and probably going to go back to Korea at some point (exchange student), but what can I do? 2 years in Korea, and still nothing. I was too picky last year I know, but this year I’m not picky anymore, and I still can’t find the right girl. I am highly doubtful in the next 4 months that anything will change. I am close to giving up on finding a Korean girlfriend in Korea at this point. Its just torture seeing all these beautiful girls outside being really sweet and loving to their boyfriends, and knowing that I have no chance of getting those kind of girls to even respond to my messages let alone meet them and be in a relationship with them. Its like sitting behind the bars of a jail cell watching delicious food go past while you are hungry and starving, and unable to get those foods. Its within your reach, but you can’t get it. I’m about ready to leave Korea at this point. 4 more months of agony, out of my 20 months of total agony and I will finally go back to the USA, where I will still be lonely but the agony won’t be as painful because of the lack of Korean couples.

Some people ask me why Korean girls ? If you have so much trouble why don’t you marry a Chinese girl or Japanese girl? They don’t understand that
1) we are attracted to who we are attracted to. I can’t help who I like, why force myself to like girls who I don’t like?
2) Korean girls have the perfect combination of appearance and personality for me. Everything from their facial structure, way they dress, put on makeup, treat their boyfriend etc is perfect for me. Most Korean girls out there, care about their appearance a lot, always have good fashion and check their makeup wherever they go, are really sweet and loving to their boyfriends, nice and polite, loyal to Korean men (I’ve had several girls straight up tell me they only date Korean guys), very feminine and cute personalities, and on top of that do the cooking and cleaning and take care of children after they get married. The sad thing is Korean men don’t really appreciate those attributes, still cheat on them a lot and go for foreigner girls and have high standards for Korean girls. I don’t really understand that. Korean guys take what Korean girls do for them for granted… they don’t understand how amazing and perfect Korean girls are.
3) There’s vast differences between the 3 different races especially between Chinese and Korean girls. I’ve made a video about this before.
4) I don’t like it when people tell me this. It’s almost as if they think that Korean girls are out of my league and I should go for a “lesser” girl. Why don’t Korean guys or heck white guys get asked why they like Korean girls only?
5) I spent the last 4 years of my life focused on Korean language, culture and living in Korea. You think I would throw that all away and end up marrying a different kind of girl? That makes no sense.

But since its the last goal I really have in my life, I already have a stable job and an apartment, I need to devote all my resources to achieving this goal, and if 4 years of my life wasn’t enough (2 years studying Korean, 2 years spent in Korea), then we’ll keep going until this goal is achieved. As long as I am concerned, its either get the right Korean girlfriend who matches with me and marry her, or stay single forever. There’s no other option.