How come Korean girls don’t date Chinese guys?

This is a question I have wondered about for a long time. It would seem to be a perfect pairing on paper.

Chinese guys get a girl who is not as strong as Chinese girls are (generally), do more for them around the house, give gifts or pay for things in return, do not expect a dowry when marrying, and are generally more feminine and care more about their appearance as well. In addition, there’s no historical baggage or issues like there would be if it was a Japanese girl.

Korean girls get a guy who arguably does as much as or more for them than Korean guys will, plus will do housework, cooking and taking care of the baby as well (a lot of Korean guys do not do this). Also, its arguable they dont have as much pressure to dress up or do makeup or look perfect all the time with Chinese guys compared to Korean guys.

But in practice while I was living in Korea, I noticed very few Korean girls with Chinese men (granted, it could be hard to tell these couples apart from a typical Korean couple), and even the Korean girls I met who had studied in China before as exchange students and met me to practice their Chinese, surprisingly did not date any Chinese guys in China (they still dated their Korean bfs long distance, or remained single).

So why is this? Why do Korean women stick to Korean guys or even prefer to date white men over Chinese men?

I think I finally narrowed it down to a few reasons, after asking many Korean girls this question over the years (me being of Chinese ethnicity myself, have a horse in the race so to speak):

  1. Korean women prefer to date men who can share their language and culture. This in fact is the reason why most races date their own race – but its especially true for Korean women because of how conservative their society is. Koreans in general are not known to be the type to really take risks or ‘be different’ as their society rewards a conformist way of thinking. Simply put, Korean women date Korean men because they are the most comfortable for them, they can communicate better with them, they don’t like to try new things, they want to be like every other Korean, and/or their parents are very conservative and don’t like them to date outside their race.
  2. Korean women don’t have an opportunity to know how Chinese men are like. They do know how Korean men are like. Plus the influence of Kdramas and Kpop really do help Korean men out a lot. Chinese men have no such entertainment vehicle to promote themselves. The CCP is focused on their domestic economy and are not interested to spread their culture to foreigners like Koreans do. That plus the whole censorship thing means that Chinese dramas + movies + music will likely never be popular in Korea the same way Korean music/movies/dramas are popular worldwide, and in China. This means however sweet and caring Chinese men are in reality, Korean women and other women have no idea. Instead, they have the idea that Korean men are like that because of all the dramas and such. Soft power really makes a difference here.
  3. Chinese men like to stick to their race. Ask any Chinese guy who are the prettiest girls and they will likely say Chinese girls. They won’t say Korean girls. This is because Chinese people are fiercely nationalistic and prefer their own race, but also because just like how Korean men are hyped up in Korean media, Chinese women are hyped up in Chinese media – Chinese women are promoted in their own country the same way Korean men are promoted in their country. In addition – they have the mistaken notion that all Korean women did plastic surgery (which is false, as I have explained in my previous answers many times). What you have as a result is a curious reversal of states here: Korean women and Chinese men, while on paper being the perfect fit for each other, instead remain loyal to their race, while Korean men and Chinese women – not so much. Korean men are in general just intrigued by any girl who is pretty, Korean or not. And Chinese women are lured by those Korean dramas/hype that promote Korean men, as well as men who have more money obviously. Of course on paper Korean men and Chinese women seem like the relationship will not work out very well as they are both ‘strong’ types but in reality there are more Korean men-Chinese women relationships than Korean women-Chinese men relationships, as baffling as that sounds.

But Tong, if 1) and 2) are true, why do I see a lot of Korean women marrying Western guys (i.e white men)?
This is exactly related to 1) and 2) actually.
1) Korean women who want to buck the conformist trend or don’t like the traditional Korean culture see white men as the exact opposite of Korean culture – they think Chinese men are still somewhat Confucian and a ‘halfway point’ between Korean men and Western men – why go halfway when you can go all the way to a culture thats totally different from Korean culture?
And 2) white men are heavily promoted by Hollywood and American pop music – again, media influence / soft power matters and white men have generally been the recipient of a very powerful media presence, the American media, which spreads globally. That’s why white men can generally get any girl, anywhere – America, Europe, Asia, etc without any issues.

Of course this is all my theory on why I don’t see more Chinese men – Korean girl couples even though it makes more sense for these two to be together, why in reality, we don’t actually see this being the case.
However, I will note that the few times I have seen Korean girls date Chinese men – they are usually Taiwanese or Hong Kongers. The reason for this I would assume, is that Taiwanese guys and Hong Kong guys can speak english better than mainland Chinese guys can – and they are not as fiercely nationalistic as mainland Chinese guys are either. Also, they have a generally better ‘image’ in Korea than mainlanders do (which is caused by the bad Chinese tourist stereotype).



My parents are Chinese but they hate Korean culture. My gf is Korean, what can I do to make them accept my relationship?

Nothing. bigots and ignorant people will always be bigots and ignorant people. Not much is going to change that. You’ll notice that the Chinese hate Koreans for irrational reasons and they have not been to Korea, because if they went to Korea or interacted with Koreans they would know how deluded they are.

I’ve had many Chinese spout out complete BS like all Koreans are fake and plastic, believe they are superior to Chinese, like to claim everything is theirs, arrogant and nationalistic etc and other crap like that. I’ve personally visited Korea every year and have many Korean friends so I know this isn’t true (and the irony is Chinese are guilty of many of the things they accuse Koreans of doing!)

Thankfully my parents are open minded, but if your parents are against it, then just kindly tell them you disagree and it is your life not theirs. Their behavior is what brings Chinese people bad name. They like to call other races racist and arrogant when they are the ones who are perpetrating this ridiculous nonsense. As an example I dare anyone to find me a Korean on Quora who thinks that Korean culture is superior to Chinese culture or that Koreans invented Chinese or whatever. Just one person. You can’t. Because those Koreans dont exist, they are made up by Chinese to justify their irrational hatred stemming from jealousy of a former vassal state being seen in a better light than they are. Oh yes and lets not forget all the “US puppet” claims as well. Whatever.

People like to call me Korean biased but at least I traveled to every Asian country before making my judgements. Let me ask you who is more biased, the guy who traveled all of Asia regularly or the guy who only lived in China before and gets all his Korea/Japan news from internet trolls?


My future relationship prospects look bleak…

That feeling you get when all your friends are getting married or in long term relationships already.. it makes me feel weird. Like they’ve all found the right person and I’m still stuck in the mud as I always have been. People keep telling me you’ll find the ‘right one’ eventually but they’ve been telling me that since I was 17. How? Luck and timing?

I’m 30 years old now, and I’m no closer to finding that girl than when I was 17. It’s not that I’m picky (I like a lot of girls and some of the ones I like are even on my Facebook) but it seems like the girls I’m interested in are never interested in me. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, I dunno. They ignore my messages, or take a long time to reply, or are “busy” (until 2 weeks later they get a bf I find out).

Another problem is the vast majority of the girls I like are in Korea, and it’s not really the place I can be in for a long time. But even when I lived in Korea I found it difficult to establish long term relationships. They ban foreigners from using their dating apps and matchmaker services. Meetups are really inconsistent. Tinder just never works for me. Going to bars and clubs are a waste of time when you’re an introvert. I met my ex gfs out of sheer luck using language exchange apps but most girls on there are not using it to meet guys. It’s not easy. Koreans are usually too busy to meet very often. Long distance (as i found out the hard way this year) just doesnt work out. The only girls that seem to be interested in me are ones that have been to China or studied Chinese. But it doesnt make sense. I’m more Korean than I am Chinese. As long as they are Korean and can speak Korean its good enough for me. They don’t have to care about Chinese culture or Western culture or speak Chinese or English in any way. It’s a shame that they see ‘Chinese-Canadian’ and auto reject me because they assume I don’t know as much about Korean culture, or there’s something weird with me if I like Korean girls more than Chinese girls etc. Just because of my ethnicity.

Now since I’m 30, girls I knew from before, are all married or will get married soon. Getting older just makes it even more difficult to meet the right person. Looking back on it, I was probably too picky back then. A lot of the girls I should have dated back then are now married or have a bf, meaning I missed my chance. And meeting the right girl in Canada/US is no easier. They’ll just go back to Korea eventually. Or they’ll find a more interesting more outgoing person than me to marry here. I have to find a Korean girl who will immigrate abroad with me. But that doesn’t work either. I’m not Korean enough for the ones who want a Korean guy (they prefer Korean-American guys since they have Korean blood) and I’m not Western enough for the ones who want a foreign guy (they prefer white guys). It’s rather a bleak picture for me unfortunately.. 😞

And before you say it, yes, I am only attracted to Korean girls. This may seem strange to some people, but we are attracted to who we are attracted to. For me, its the style + personality/mannerisms + common cultural values that we share together. There’s a reason I studied Korean really hard, there’s a reason I lived in Korea for 2 years and go back every year, there’s a reason I prefer to use Korean instead of Chinese. It’s basically my second culture now. I have no desire to forget or ‘swap’ this culture for another one. I want to pass Korean values and language down to my children as well. Yes I am aware that this hinders my relationship prospects. I guess in that sense I’m no different from those traditional conservative Korean parents who only want their children to marry Koreans. Oh well. Korean culture is something that is really important to me and something I want to preserve, so I’m a bit stubborn about it.

Attraction isn’t something that’s easily changed. I don’t have a switch inside me that you can change to Chinese girls/Japanese girls/White girls/Black girls. I studied Korean and lived in Korea for a reason. It wasn’t just for fun. I didn’t ‘waste’ 2 of my years in Korea for nothing. If I could be attracted to non Koreans girls, I would have been dating other girls by now. I’m not trying to be stupid by limiting myself to one race. I really don’t have much choice. No one likes to be rejected 100+ times. But I kept living in Korea and going back every year for a reason. People don’t get it. And no it doesn’t make me a racist, please look up the definition of what a racist is. I have friends from every race. Being picky about the person I want to marry is not being racist. I want to be attracted to the person I marry, else whats the point in even marrying? Every year people try to “change” my mind about other girls.. thats not how attraction works. I can’t change my attraction to Korean women. Its never going to change. Its not some temporary phase or fetish or something. Nobody has a problem with Koreans only marrying Koreans. But they got a problem with me only marry a Korean and call me a racist. Thats a BS double standard right there. Apparently other people are more “open minded” because they date all sorts of races. Thats not how being open minded works. I have friends from every country from Denmark to Kazakhstan. Thats being open minded. Dating every kind of race just means you have no idea what you want in a person and don’t know what culture fits you best, it doesn’t make you any more “open minded” than anyone else. And it’s not even about the race.. it’s about the upbringing and culture that matters (notice how I never said anything about Korean American girls). Also, its a defeatist attitude to tell me ‘hey Tong I think Korean girls are too difficult for u to get why dont you try some other girls?’ there’s nothing Korean guys have (besides being Korean) that I don’t have. It’s not some impossible dream for me to marry a Korean girl that I have to give up on it and ‘try another girl’ because they are ‘too difficult’ for me. It’s insulting to me, frankly.

I even made a video about this last year but since people still don’t get it that’s why I have to keep explaining how attraction works to people.

다른 사람들이 저한테 ‘왜 한국여자만 좋아하냐고, 왜 중국여자 안 좋아하냐고, 다른 여자랑 사궈보면 더 좋지 않을까요?’ 사실히 제가 한국여자한테 아무 환상도 없고 더 깊은 좋아하는 이유 있어요. 2011년부터 한국친구 많이 사궈서 한국문화에 관심 더 많아졌어요. 2013년에 한국에 처음 왔을때 인상이 너무 신기한다고 한국문화에 반했어요. 2014년에 한국으로 이사했어요, 2년 동안 살았고 너무 좋은 경험 쌓았어요. 그때부터 한국어를 계속 연습하고 계속 사용하고 매년 한국에 계속 들어간다.

그래서 그저 한국여자 스타일만 좋아하지 아니라, 성격만 좋아하지 아니라, 외모만 좋아하지 아니라, 그냥 다 합치고 한국문화에 빠져들었어요. 제 미래 아기한테 한국 전통적인 가치관과 한국어 지키고싶어서.. 사실히 저 거의 한국사람된다, 교포보다 한국에 더 많이 들어가고 교포보다 한국어 더 잘하고 중국문화에 완전히 관심 없고 ㅋㅋ 한국문화는 제 삶에 큰 영향 끼쳐서 한국여자밖에 못 좋아해요, 그냥 상상하지도 못해요.

다른외국사람이 아시안여자한테 환상 있거나 고정관념 있어서 한국여자 좋아해요. 저는 그렇지 아니라, 더 중요하고 소중한 이유 있어요. 다른 사람들 이해해줄수있으시면 감사합니다.