What is the most difficult thing you’ve had to do in your life?

For me this is the most difficult thing I’ve done – am doing because I still haven’t succeeded yet.
All my life I’ve been generally a shy person. it was hard for me to talk to people and it was hard for me to engage in conversation. In high school I didn’t have any female friends. In University I was basically deep in my studies all the time and didn’t have much time to socialize.
After university, I immigrated to California and began working. That’s the first time I met Korean friends. Having been raised in a Chinese household and made mostly Chinese friends during university, I always thought Koreans were similar to Chinese. **I was very wrong. **The first time I visited Korea in 2013 – **I found out that Koreans and Chinese are actually totally different from each other. **I just didn’t realize this before because Korean Canadians and Chinese Canadians were actually quite similar.
Around this time I had my first Korean gf: She was beautiful, she was sweet and she was loving. And I made many Korean female friends, and I found all of them to be quite good looking and sweet to their bfs. I also found out that I may have a genetic preference for Korean women all along – their deeply Confucian culture was a much better fit for me than modern Chinese culture was, and I was attracted to how they looked, how they dressed, the way they acted, how feminine they were, and Korean culture and mannerisms in general.
I realized that all the girls in my life that I’ve been attracted to – have either been Korean all along or have exhibited Korean characteristics. Having realized this attraction, **I made it a personal goal to marry a Korean woman – **and buried my head deep in Korean language books to improve my Korean.
For 2 years from 2012 to 2014, I studied Korean history, culture and grammar really hard and finally improved my Korean to a level that I would consider ‘conversationally fluent’. Then I had to change my job. I quit my job and changed to a job that allowed me to work remotely. The problem was, I still had work the same time zone as my California team members. Oh well.
In 2014 I moved to Korea not knowing if I could even get a place to stay there. I managed to get a place and a bank account using just my passport. And for 2 years I worked like a vampire – sleeping during the daytime and working during 1am to 9am (the hours were exactly opposite California and Korea). It put a heavy toll on my body. I only ate convenience store food during this time so it was very unhealthy. I lost more than 10kg during this time. All this so that I could have a *chance* of dating a Korean girl to fulfill my goal.
I failed. 2 years came and went, and even though I tried my best to meet Korean women – I never found one that really liked me enough to immigrate with me back to Canada. I had exhausted so many options. I tried Tinder, I tried all the online conversation exchange apps. I tried going to various language meetups. None of the girls I met from there had any interest in me.
Why I wondered? Why did Korean girls hate me so much when I sacrificed so much for them? Why did white guys have such success dating them and me as an Asian-Canadian have so little? I spoke Korean much better than the typical foreigner. I was not that bad looking by my own standards (after all I see uglier Korean guys dating pretty girls everywhere). I tried my best to dress like a Korean and have manners like a Korean. And yet I still failed. Many times I thought about giving up this dream but I couldn’t. I knew I was better than this. I knew that I had a chance but was missing something.
Then I realized – its because of my inexperience with relationships. I didn’t have that many relationships before, and my chronic shyness killed any chances of a Korean girl liking me. Firstly, it must be said that Korea is a very conservative country – and a lot of – if not the majority – of Koreans only date with other Koreans. I was rejected by a lot of women just for not being a Korean. Secondly, they prefer foreigners who looked white. As a Chinese-Canadian I was at a disadvantage. Thirdly – I was not experienced at dealing with women and way too shy. Korean women – like any women – like guys with confidence. I had very little confidence in myself and very little self esteem. I couldn’t understand why so many jerks ended up with all the women and nice guys like me got nothing.
So I tried to better myself. After my 2 years was up, I was forced to come back to the US and find another job for the time being to save up money. But make no mistake, I am still working on this goal and I still plan to move back to Korea sometime to find the right girl. This time I’ll be more experienced. And hopefully succeed. As long as I had the determination – this goal was the one driving purpose in my life. I really had dedicated the last 5 years of my life to it – and I was determined to succeed. Yes I know its an uphill battle. Yes, I know it would be easier to marry a Chinese or Thai or Filipino or whatever. But that’s not the point of life is it? If I took the easy way out.. it would be an admission of defeat and there would be no sense of satisfaction and I *still* wouldn’t be happy – because I knew that I (being of Manchu ancestry) had a genetic attraction to Korean women. And from other answers on Quora I read that Chinese male – Korean female relationships often ended up in disaster.. I was determined to be the one who can make it succeed.
So by God, this will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Graduating from a top school in Canada? been there done that. Moving to California and getting a job in Silicon Valley was peanuts. Learning Korean was a cakewalk. Marrying a Korean girl – with mutual attraction – as a Chinese Canadian – now that is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. And I’m still working on it.

I need a break…

Ever since I came back from Korea last year, I find myself more and more lacking the passion that got me into programming and computer science. Since I was 12 years old, all throughout high school and university I’d been designing and working on webpages and websites. After I graduated in 2011, I immediately found a job in San Francisco and was happy to live there and attend tech meetups and startups there until 2014 when I moved to Korea.
When I was in Korea I was also working though my enthusiasm was slightly diminished due to me focusing more on the goal of meeting someone there. When I failed that goal ultimately and was forced to come back to SF, I found myself even less eager to get back into programming and working a day job again. There’s nothing wrong with Spigit, the company that I work for, nor my coworkers who are pretty easy going, nor the salary or benefits (except I wish I had more PTO), nor the technology (I actually prefer Angular 2 to ReactJS) but its just the timing I guess.

I’m at a point in my life where I needed to find a partner, and being back in SF definitely does not help. It doesn’t help that SF has gotten a lot worse than before. There’s more homeless, more crazy people, prices have gone up, less women, less internationals, less Koreans and salary is the *exact same* as what I got from Walmart in 2014. So same salary, less PTO, and everything else in SF has become worse. I only have one friend left in SF now and he wants to leave here even more badly than I do! Coincidentally or not almost all my close male friends have chosen to be with Korean women.. and all of them have had more success than me, ironically, even though my Korean skill is probably the highest out of all of them. And not to mention that I have been focusing on Korea the longest, since 2012.

So yeah, I need a break from work, and I need a break from this city. SF while its still a tourist friendly city, has become a worse and worse place to live in. There’s less and less reason to stay here while the salaries are still stagnant.
These days I just hang out with my friend who constantly complains about life in SF and the lack of women here (doesn’t help my cause) and play video games all day. All my other friends are in Canada or Korea. What a life.

I really want to stay at my company at least one year though, since I’ve never worked for a company less than that and I want to make it seem that I’m somewhat loyal to the companies I go for. Plus I have a plan to sell my place next year and get out of the US, which means this could be potentially the last US job I work for. So why not make it last a little longer?
But yeah this is still next June, and surviving until that time is… difficult. Almost all of my friends from 2014, from before I left SF the first time, are no longer here. Making new friends is difficult; most of the internationals I’ve met this year have all been temporary couchsurfers who I only get to know for a few days before they take off again.

So yes that is my pitiful situation currently. I’m not enjoying my job, Its hard to make new friends here, my old friends have all gone, its impossible to make a girlfriend here due to lack of Koreans, and all this while all my friends and people I care about are next to North Korea, a country that Trump might decide to attack any day now. It is quite misery indeed. Even though 2013 and 2015 weren’t terrific years, in retrospect they were, and in addition to 2012, 2014 and 2016 (those which I always remember fondly), I even begin to miss my life in 2013 (in SF) and 2015 (in Seoul) too… compared to those times 2017 feels like being in a prison. I have to stay here to save money, but at the same time I feel no joy, depression comes fairly often, and I feel trapped in this place that I can’t escape until at least June 2018. I need a change in my life for sure.

updates on my life…

Checking back in again on my monthly status report here.. not much has changed, SF is boring as usual. But there is no shortage of things I have to do.

1) I can’t get a home equity loan due to not being a US permanent resident (strangely I was able to get a mortgage tho?) so I have to rely on making a deposit for my Canadian home using cash instead. I have about $30k CAD in my bank there already so I need roughly $100k CAD ($75k USD) more saved up to get enough deposit for a $600k home in Vancouver. That means I need to save up quite a bit well into next year.

2) My company said I’m performing quite well enough to transition into full time, but while I think being a contractor means I lose out on PTO and stocks, I find the hassle of getting a visa very annoying. It took me 3(!) tries to get my visa last time when I crossed the border. such a hassle… not sure if its worth it.

3) I have to get the insurance company to reimburse me for my rental car accident which I got while driving to the DMV to get my license renewed.. its another big hassle

4) I have to get Walmart to reimburse me for the corporate credit card charges that I filed an expense report for back in January… Citibank keeps calling me, and yes its another hassle.

5) Everytime I take time off work as a contractor it hurts me. But I’ve been having breathing problems recently and had to go see the doctor and again.. its a hassle

6) I cancelled my chase rewards trip which I booked using points because I wanted to transfer the points somewhere else so that I could get a better deal on the trip – it cost me $100 to cancel and the rewards wont be refunded for 2 months. in the meantime I need to book a trip to Korea still so I had to pay that in cash since I’m not going to get the points back in time. So yes.. another hassle

7) I realized that Comcast has been charging me $10 a month to use their modem(!) for 3 years I’ve had to pay that insane fee thats $120 a year. So I have to get a new modem and send theirs back and make sure they dont bill me anymore for that! another hassle

8) I have to get my Google Pixel fixed because I dropped it and cracked the glass on the screen and it interferes with my camera – now you see refractions on the camera so thats another thing to do.

9) I tried transferring some Bitcoin into Bovada to be able to bet on the NBA games that I wanted but it seems that my transfer made it through but they still haven’t deposited that money into my account yet. So thats something else I have to talk to them about to make sure they get my money on time so that I can bet. Another hassle.

10) I have to transfer my webdomain over to a google domain so that I can host my website (this one) on my synology DS instead of using SiteGround so that I can save $100 a year on that.

11) Of course I still have to find a Korean girlfriend to marry, and right now I have only 2 weeks of vacation to go back to Korea. If I can’t find a girl to bring back during that 2 weeks, I’ll have to see who I can find when I move to Vancouver. This is easily the hardest thing to achieve on this list.

In other news.. Bitcoin / Ethereum are at all time highs and I have a little bit of each as hedges. I made back all the money I lost last year from gambling ($8k) with BTC/ETH so that seems great so far! Although I missed opportunities to make more. Stock market is also at all time high so I’m a little wary. I am bullish on TSLA, AMZN, NFLX, NVDA, BABA and FB though. But waiting for good time to get in. Trump’s ongoing antics have been crazy and I think its just a matter of time before he gets impeached. Its been 5 months in and he’s already had a ton of scandals. And finally.. I went on a little bit of a spending / selling spree, sold my Gretsch White Penguin and my old drone and bought my friends Macbook Pro (2016) and the new Phantom 4 Advanced. The camera lens is amazing! see below:

Got the DJI Goggles and DJI Spark working too…

and the Nintendo Switch as well… (was finally able to get my hands on it)

Oh and watch me assemble my guitar in fast time its pretty cool

and a lesson in guitar…