Tag Archives: future

My future relationship prospects look bleak…

That feeling you get when all your friends are getting married or in long term relationships already.. it makes me feel weird. Like they’ve all found the right person and I’m still stuck in the mud as I always have been. People keep telling me you’ll find the ‘right one’ eventually but they’ve been telling me that since I was 17. How? Luck and timing?

I’m 30 years old now, and I’m no closer to finding that girl than when I was 17. It’s not that I’m picky (I like a lot of girls and some of the ones I like are even on my Facebook) but it seems like the girls I’m interested in are never interested in me. Maybe there’s something wrong with me, I dunno. They ignore my messages, or take a long time to reply, or are “busy” (until 2 weeks later they get a bf I find out).

Another problem is the vast majority of the girls I like are in Korea, and it’s not really the place I can be in for a long time. But even when I lived in Korea I found it difficult to establish long term relationships. They ban foreigners from using their dating apps and matchmaker services. Meetups are really inconsistent. Tinder just never works for me. Going to bars and clubs are a waste of time when you’re an introvert. I met my ex gfs out of sheer luck using language exchange apps but most girls on there are not using it to meet guys. It’s not easy. Koreans are usually too busy to meet very often. Long distance (as i found out the hard way this year) just doesnt work out. The only girls that seem to be interested in me are ones that have been to China or studied Chinese. But it doesnt make sense. I’m more Korean than I am Chinese. As long as they are Korean and can speak Korean its good enough for me. They don’t have to care about Chinese culture or Western culture or speak Chinese or English in any way. It’s a shame that they see ‘Chinese-Canadian’ and auto reject me because they assume I don’t know as much about Korean culture, or there’s something weird with me if I like Korean girls more than Chinese girls etc. Just because of my ethnicity.

Now since I’m 30, girls I knew from before, are all married or will get married soon. Getting older just makes it even more difficult to meet the right person. Looking back on it, I was probably too picky back then. A lot of the girls I should have dated back then are now married or have a bf, meaning I missed my chance. And meeting the right girl in Canada/US is no easier. They’ll just go back to Korea eventually. Or they’ll find a more interesting more outgoing person than me to marry here. I have to find a Korean girl who will immigrate abroad with me. But that doesn’t work either. I’m not Korean enough for the ones who want a Korean guy (they prefer Korean-American guys since they have Korean blood) and I’m not Western enough for the ones who want a foreign guy (they prefer white guys). It’s rather a bleak picture for me unfortunately.. 😞

And before you say it, yes, I am only attracted to Korean girls. This may seem strange to some people, but we are attracted to who we are attracted to. For me, its the style + personality/mannerisms + common cultural values that we share together. There’s a reason I studied Korean really hard, there’s a reason I lived in Korea for 2 years and go back every year, there’s a reason I prefer to use Korean instead of Chinese. It’s basically my second culture now. I have no desire to forget or ‘swap’ this culture for another one. I want to pass Korean values and language down to my children as well. Yes I am aware that this hinders my relationship prospects. I guess in that sense I’m no different from those traditional conservative Korean parents who only want their children to marry Koreans. Oh well. Korean culture is something that is really important to me and something I want to preserve, so I’m a bit stubborn about it.

Attraction isn’t something that’s easily changed. I don’t have a switch inside me that you can change to Chinese girls/Japanese girls/White girls/Black girls. I studied Korean and lived in Korea for a reason. It wasn’t just for fun. I didn’t ‘waste’ 2 of my years in Korea for nothing. If I could be attracted to non Koreans girls, I would have been dating other girls by now. I’m not trying to be stupid by limiting myself to one race. I really don’t have much choice. No one likes to be rejected 100+ times. But I kept living in Korea and going back every year for a reason. People don’t get it. And no it doesn’t make me a racist, please look up the definition of what a racist is. I have friends from every race. Being picky about the person I want to marry is not being racist. I want to be attracted to the person I marry, else whats the point in even marrying? Every year people try to “change” my mind about other girls.. thats not how attraction works. I can’t change my attraction to Korean women. Its never going to change. Its not some temporary phase or fetish or something. Nobody has a problem with Koreans only marrying Koreans. But they got a problem with me only marry a Korean and call me a racist. Thats a BS double standard right there. Apparently other people are more “open minded” because they date all sorts of races. Thats not how being open minded works. I have friends from every country from Denmark to Kazakhstan. Thats being open minded. Dating every kind of race just means you have no idea what you want in a person and don’t know what culture fits you best, it doesn’t make you any more “open minded” than anyone else. And it’s not even about the race.. it’s about the upbringing and culture that matters (notice how I never said anything about Korean American girls). Also, its a defeatist attitude to tell me ‘hey Tong I think Korean girls are too difficult for u to get why dont you try some other girls?’ there’s nothing Korean guys have (besides being Korean) that I don’t have. It’s not some impossible dream for me to marry a Korean girl that I have to give up on it and ‘try another girl’ because they are ‘too difficult’ for me. It’s insulting to me, frankly.

https://youtu.be/-G_Y8Br1Rp0

I even made a video about this last year but since people still don’t get it that’s why I have to keep explaining how attraction works to people.

다른 사람들이 저한테 ‘왜 한국여자만 좋아하냐고, 왜 중국여자 안 좋아하냐고, 다른 여자랑 사궈보면 더 좋지 않을까요?’ 사실히 제가 한국여자한테 아무 환상도 없고 더 깊은 좋아하는 이유 있어요. 2011년부터 한국친구 많이 사궈서 한국문화에 관심 더 많아졌어요. 2013년에 한국에 처음 왔을때 인상이 너무 신기한다고 한국문화에 반했어요. 2014년에 한국으로 이사했어요, 2년 동안 살았고 너무 좋은 경험 쌓았어요. 그때부터 한국어를 계속 연습하고 계속 사용하고 매년 한국에 계속 들어간다.

그래서 그저 한국여자 스타일만 좋아하지 아니라, 성격만 좋아하지 아니라, 외모만 좋아하지 아니라, 그냥 다 합치고 한국문화에 빠져들었어요. 제 미래 아기한테 한국 전통적인 가치관과 한국어 지키고싶어서.. 사실히 저 거의 한국사람된다, 교포보다 한국에 더 많이 들어가고 교포보다 한국어 더 잘하고 중국문화에 완전히 관심 없고 ㅋㅋ 한국문화는 제 삶에 큰 영향 끼쳐서 한국여자밖에 못 좋아해요, 그냥 상상하지도 못해요.

다른외국사람이 아시안여자한테 환상 있거나 고정관념 있어서 한국여자 좋아해요. 저는 그렇지 아니라, 더 중요하고 소중한 이유 있어요. 다른 사람들 이해해줄수있으시면 감사합니다.

The 7 year California journey comes to an end

“Time is our most valuable commodity. We can always earn back money, but we can never earn back our time. Stop worrying about the future, and treasure the present. Cherish the people we have around us and the time we spend with them,we don’t know when they might be gone someday.”

So finally my place did sell, (although the buyer came close to backing out for $1000 in repairs) but thankful to at least get 4% over asking for it.

Aside from that, I’ve said all my goodbyes to the few friends I have left in SF, gave away most of my furniture, and gave my company notice. I’m actually a little bit bitter about my company, because I thought I would have been able to work part time remote for them, just like previous co-workers have, and my direct manager thinks I’m valuable enough to keep, but the upper management rejected the request. For whatever reason I don’t know. Half of our team is remote, a lot of them are full time remote, and other than the front end team, which is me and 2 other people, the rest of the engineering team come into the office only twice a week. Front end team comes in 4 days a week, and I haven’t missed any days. I’ve been pretty loyal to my company the past 1.5 years, and they are probably just going to replace me with someone from India who works full time remote anyways. It doesn’t make any sense.

Plus, its not even about money. I’m asking for my salary to be cut in half here. So apparently they are willing to pay me full time salary just to be able to come into the office (where I don’t really talk to anyone anyways), rather than pay me part time and have me be remote. It’s unfair and it doesn’t make any sense to me.

In other news, crypto is still having the blues, and I’m still 90% down so its highly unlikely I’ll get anything more than 50% of my money back even if it recovers. ICOs have lost me at least $25k and Masternode scam coins have lost me another $25k. So that’s $50k (a years worth of savings) lost in scammy coins right there, neither of which will ever recover. At this point, I’m not sure what I will do. I will probably take most of the proceeds from my apartment sale as a downpayment for a future Canadian home (most likely in Vancouver), and invest the rest in Wealthfront. No more crypto currency / gambling for me. It’s way too risky. Can’t believe I lost 90% of my savings ($150k turned into $15k). Lesson learned, I guess.

I’ll definitely miss California/San Francisco, and I’ll definitely miss my apartment as I had many good memories there with my friends. I think more than just missing the scenery though, is missing the moments I shared with my friends and other people. That’s what I kind of regret. I regret not taking more pictures / videos with my friends, I regret not saving any of my Kakao chats from 2012/2013 (they were erased when I switched from my iPhone 4S to 5S in late 2013), because 2012-2014 were probably the best times of my life. 7 years of California memories, 2011-2018. I had so much fun meeting people (especially from San Francisco ESL group meetup), and traveling to places, just wish I had some way of remembering it better. I rarely took pictures/video back then compared to now. I never even took a selfie until I first went to Korea in Sept 2013. That was the first time I took selfies with anyone. As I grow older, I realize more and more that time really is the most valuable resource, and it’s not the scenery or the environment or the atmosphere I should cherish, but the people I shared it with.

As for where I’ll go next, I’ll probably head to Korea for a few months, meet all my Korean friends, and then go back to Canada. My grandpa is becoming senile, and my grandma has really bad dementia now, so this might be my last time seeing them, unfortunately. Of course, I also want to see my parents + my brother who I only see once a year. Sometimes I wish time would pass by slower, or even stop. I don’t really want to get older, I’m 30 already and felt like I wasted all of my 29 year old life and half of my 30 year old life due to my savings being annihilated and I haven’t really got anything from this year at all. I originally planned to take a trip to Singapore/Bangkok/HK/Shanghai/Osaka and go to Seoul/Busan early but that all changed because of crypto.
I’m glad I could hang out with Tony, my best friend here more, but everything has to come to an end. Since my work doesn’t want me remote, I’ll probably have to find a job in either Vancouver or Seattle but most likely I’ll try for Seattle first since the pay is much higher for engineers there, but its not guaranteed because this would be my 6th TN Visa, and knowing Trump and my horrible experiences applying for a TN last year, it’s probably not going to be easy to get another Visa again. If not, I’ll probably just have to settle working in Vancouver for roughly half the salary. Or maybe I’ll think about teaching programming in Korea, who knows… I need some time to think, and this would be the first time I’m unemployed since I graduated (I also haven’t taken any PTO this year since my company gives so little), so I need a well-deserved break from work for a while.

As for a gf or wife, I don’t know. (this is at a time when most of my friends are in stable long term relationships and/or married now). At the beginning of the year, I had a gf who was beautiful and sweet to me, and I thought I was going to marry her. Later on in the year, I found out that she was kind of crazy, and definitely not the type of girl to marry. We’ve been broken up for over 4 months now. I don’t know if I can find another Korean girl, because I can’t think of any good way aside from remote work (which I don’t want to do unless its on my own hours this time) to live in Korea long term again. Will I find a Korean girl in Vancouver or Seattle who isn’t a student and who is interested in me and won’t leave in the long term? Who knows. It’s all uncertainty in my life at this point, but I hope I find some answers soon.

the iPhone 10th anniversary & legacy..

On the 10th anniversary of the iPhone, people have been celebrating how revolutionary it was.. and yes, it does deserve all that praise. Steve Jobs was a brilliant marketing genius and visionary. Apple products haven’t been the same since he passed away. The Apple Watch (whats the use case?), the iPad Pro (stylus?), the new iPhones (no headphone jack?) and the new MacBook lineup (all USBC?) have all been criticized a lot since they came out and some design flaws like the camera bump in the new iPhones, no headphone jack, the elimination of magsafe and switch to all USBC etc have caused to people to wonder if Steve Jobs was alive if those things would have been approved.
Well, I’m not sure, but definitely I can say the presentations haven’t been as awe-inspiring with Tim Cook in charge. He’s more of a quiet delegator whereas Steve could light up the room and take charge with everything.

The iPhone brought *capacitative* touch computing to the massive. Previously, touch screens have been mostly resistive touch which made those devices very hard to use and required a stylus to use them. Back in the mid 2000s I did use some Palm devices, Pocket PCs and carried around a hefty Windows Convertible PC (yes they had those back then!) all which required styluses to use. It was a pain.
After the iPhone and iPad came out, every device got much easier to use, and just using the fingers was so simple and easy.

There are some things I miss about the pre-iphone phones though. I think people unfairly look at the old Blackberrys and Windows Mobile devices as crap compared to the iPhone but thats not exactly true. People forget that the original iPhone had no 3G, no copy+paste, you couldn’t attach images in emails, there was no selfie cam, there was no video capability or flash, no third party app store, etc. A lot of smartphones back then had all those features. No it wasn’t as easy to install a third party app onto a Pocket PC or Palm OS device as an iPhone’s App Store, but there definitely was a thriving marketplace for those old devices. It wasn’t as bad as people thought it was.

Moreover, I liked how every device looked so unique. You had flip phones, slider phones, swivel phones, dual slider phones, transforming phones, etc. These days everyone has the same phone.. iPhone 7, Samsung Galaxy, etc the same black slabs everywhere. Back then there was very slim chances you and your friend had the exact same phone model. Here are some standouts (I own alot of these):

Nokia XpressMusic 5700

Nokia XpressMusic 5700

Blackberry Porsche P9981

Blackberry Porsche P9981

Samsung Alias 2

Samsung Alias 2

Pantech Matrix Pro

Pantech Matrix Pro

Nokia N95

Nokia N95

Nokia N93

Nokia N93

Nokia E90

Nokia E90

Nokia E70

Nokia E70

Motorola Aura

Motorola Aura

Motorola Flipout

Motorola Flipout

Yeah especially Nokia had a lot of really cool designs… we won’t be seeing these kind of designs anymore unfortunately.

And another thing is cellphone charms! remember those?

cellphone charm

cellphone charm

Young people might not even know that back then, phones had a hole where you could attach a charm to it.. that hole is not longer on modern smartphones so cellphone charms (the way people could customize their phones) have now been replaced by smartphone cases, which IMO isn’t quite as great. Yeah you can still customize your phone with a case, but its not the same as having a good old fashioned charm.

So yeah just pointing out some of the negative side effects of iPhone’s legacy..

In other news, I’m going to Korea next month and not a moment too soon.. been dying here of boredom having nothing to really do. my plan right now is to just save up money for next year. After the hassle of getting yet another work visa at the border, I don’t really plan on doing that again. I’m planning to leave in another year or so, and go back to either Korea or Canada. Yes, that means I’ll have to leave my current job, but unless I can work remotely it just won’t work out. I don’t get enough vacation time with my current job to get the freedom that I want.

Also, planning on selling my home too. There are a few reasons for this. Yes having a place in San Francisco is nice and all, but the housing market in SF is beginning to cool off, and for the price I could sell my apartment for, I could easily buy another place in the US (I’m thinking San Diego because of the weather and West coast location), AND have enough spare money to help me get another place in Vancouver Canada (with the help of a mortgage) as well. I’ll just rent out a storage locker while the unit is on sale and then just move things out when I get my new places. But yeah that’s my longer term plan. My best friend in San Francisco is in the same situation as me except he is 5 years older so its probably even more urgent for him, but he doesn’t want to stay here either. And besides him I have very few friends and very little reason to stay in SF. 90% of my friends are in Korea or Canada so it makes more sense to move to those places instead. I’m in the USA just for saving up money that’s it, but hopefully the US/CAD exchange rate remains the same next year else I’m losing a lot of money if I don’t exchange now…