I love romantic sunsets
I love romantic sunsets

So, here’s a topic that I don’t usually like to talk about, but I think should be addressed sooner or later. My thoughts on relationships. Given that my parents expect me to be married in 7 years, I should probably think about this more often. But to me, this issue is very complicated. For a few reasons.

I’m single now, and have been that way for the past 23 years of my life. It’s not that I don’t find any girl interesting; it’s probably just bad luck. I am not a naturally outgoing, charismatic person. I am goal-oriented, academic and career-driven, and I put those above seeking relationships. It’s just always been the case, that every girl I’ve liked, has never liked me back the same way, and every girl who’s liked me, I’ve never liked back the same way.

What are my strong points and my flaws? I try to be a good person, with good intentions, and I try to be likable, though I’m aware not everyone will like me. I try my best to be honest and reliable. I’m not the most handsome guy, but I like to think I’m decent looking enough. I do have a variety of interests, and a sense of ambition. I like to think my main flaws are being too judgmental, a lack of patience, jealousy, arrogance, and shyness. However, life is quite different from movies. Merely exerting yourself, putting effort in, etc may not get a girl to like you back and may even cause them to think you’re creepy. No doubt my shyness causes me to be feel awkward at times.

But the thing that’s interesting is that, when you look around, most people will have been in a relationship, or are in one right now, even the shy ones. This astounds me; personally, I would think the chances that finding a person who you like and likes you back, and fits each others requirements, and being single / not attracted to anyone else, and is in your circle of connections (friends, family, co-workers, classmates) is like finding a needle in a haystack. Yet so many people have been in them. And some people even cheat. 

I suppose for me, I don’t want or desire a relationship because I want to fit in with my friends who are in a relationship, or think it would raise my “status” if I found a good looking woman; I think a relationship should solely be based on love. You want to be with the person because you love them, and nothing else, no ulterior motive (no green card marriages, arranged marriages, or drunken weddings). So I’m not in a rush. Here I am in a new city, with no friends or family, too shy to go out partying, and virtually no chance of me meeting anyone I would be interested in. And that’s acceptable to me, though at times I wish I had someone to travel with, confide in, etc. But friends can fulfill that role too. I’m not anxious to get married, or have children, like many people in their 20s may want. I live by myself, I can cook, do laundry, wash dishes, etc. so I can comfortably provide for myself.

Ultimately, I think I may continue to be single for a while.. That is mostly because I value the importance of being with someone who loves you for who you are, and accepts you in spite of your flaws. And I think that person, whoever she is, where ever she may be, is definitely worth waiting for.


JFK Assassination

[tubepress video=”C-0ZMnbkGtw”]

It is hard to talk about John Kennedy without talking about his assassination. He was the youngest president elected, and the youngest to die. He was rich, handsome, smart, powerful, charismatic, but even being the most powerful leader in the free world didn’t save him from his tragic fate.

I have many books on President Kenney, as well as tons of videos stored on my comp from Youtube. The more I learn about him, the more fascinated I get. His death is particularly controversial, and marks the beginning of America’s distrust in their government. JFK is considered ‘America’s last president’ by many because his death reflects a decline in the faith that the government could do the right thing for their citizens. The Vietnam War, several other notable assassinations, Watergate, Gulf War, Iraq War, 9/11 and many other events call into question that the government is indeed doing the right thing.

The story of JFK’s assassination is more dramatizing than any movie I’ve seen. There’s so many characters involved in the potential ‘conspiracies’, the Mafia, Anti-Castro exiles, Anti-Communist, Extreme Right wingers, the CIA, FBI, Secret Service, Vice president Johnson, all are rumored to be involved. I don’t think the government would knowingly kill their own leader – but I do believe there might be a conspiracy. Just take a look at all the potential cast of characters and when they ‘conveniently’ died:

JFK – the victim – assassinated Nov 1963
Robert Kennedy – JFK’s brother – assassinated Jun 1968
Lee Harvey Oswald – JFK’s assassin – assassinated Nov 1963
Mary Meyer – JFK’s close friend – murdered Oct 1964
Jack Ruby – Oswald’s assassin – Died Jan 1967
David Ferrie – possible conspirator – Died Feb 1967
Guy Banister – possible conspirator – Died June 1964
*Mary Sherman – Worked with David Ferrie and knew Oswald – Murdered July 1964

*died on the same day the Warren commission was going to interrogate her. Her right arm and rib were disintegrated and she was stabbed in the heart.

Edit: I can extend the period to 1974, and that would include Clay Shaw (possible conspirator, died 1974), President Johnson (d. 1973), J Edgar Hoover (director of FBI, d. 1972), etc. I didn’t even include the numerous deaths of FBI, CIA, Secret service agents + Dallas police.

…Notice how they all died within a short span of time? (1963-1968). This is quite strange, if we are to believe that JFK was indeed assassinated by one person – why so many related deaths in such a short amount of time? The more you look into it, the more sinister the plot becomes. There are even rumors that JFK’s body was altered before it reached Parkland Hospital – attested to by the examining doctors and made to support the single bullet theory. I don’t want to dig too deep into it but – JFK’s assassination is very fascinating indeed, and it makes you wonder what really did go on that November afternoon 47 years ago?

JFK’s death is very graphic indeed. After watching the Zapruder film, I could not watch it again. Seeing the President of the United States’ brains getting blown out is disturbing. Movies are graphic, video games are graphic, but real life is indeed the most graphic.
People all of the world were so shocked at it… I think watching it gives a good sense of what life can be. Unexpected – you could be there waving your hand one second and dead the next. Life is unpredictable, and I think the JFK assassination is a prime example that even the most powerful of men cannot escape what some may say a rendezvous with destiny.


Is it all about luck…?

I never believed myself to be a lucky person. I actually believed that I was unluckier than others. It seemed that wherever I went a storm cloud followed me. Everything I touch wilted. Nothing I did ever seemed to succeed. Yet I kept trying, telling myself I would succeed someday. And I still haven’t. Is there such thing as luck? Are some people luckier than others? How come other people did this and that and not me? How come everything I do inevitably fails?

…Then I realized. I was not more unlucky than anyone else. I failed more because I tried more. I fell harder because I took more risks. I put myself in more complicated situations because I wanted to succeed. The more I wanted to succeed the more complicated my life got. The more complicated my life got, the more I failed. I broke more stuff because I bought more things. I lost more money because I made more. The more I had the more I lost.

Finally I figured it out. Those who are luckier than me combined their opportunities with preparation. They were in the right place at the right time. I wasn’t. I was perpetually in the wrong place at the wrong time because I was ill-prepared and desperate. It wasn’t all about taking risks, but rather combining it with foresight, which I lacked.

In the future I will have more foresight, and then maybe I will be luckier.