Why I like Korean girls and a complicated dilemma

Edit
Here’s my official explanation for why I’m so focused on Korean girls because I get asked this ALOT. I get this asked to me alot because I know that if I were Korean and I told people I only like Korean girls no one would care but because I’m a foreigner (albeit born only a few miles away from Korea) its somehow not acceptable that I only like Korean girls… I think its also because people just can’t seem to understand that Korean girls are very unique and no other girl can really replace them. Japanese girls are probably the closest approximation to them, but they are still very different from Korean girls.

So, I know its hard for Americans and Canadians to understand this so I’ve had to explain this many many times. In USA and Canada, we are used to having multiple cultures mixed so everyone is very very different from each other. In Korea, this is not the case. Because they are 99% Korean, the culture is very homogeneous, meaning Koreans are very similar to each other, the way they are raised, taught, what they dress like, how they act etc. Now I’m not saying that every Korean is the same – but there is definitely more of an air of conformity in Korea than in other countries.

Now – something else that’s important – Koreans, Chinese, Japanese, etc are all very different from each other. Its easy to group them all as “Asian girls” but in reality after having traveled to each of those countries and lived there, they are all very different from each other. In particular, Chinese are about as different from Koreans as Americans are from Koreans. This makes Koreans wholly unique from other Asians, and other people, because their culture is unique.
So a girl’s personality and what she likes is exactly what I like! My point is if she is raised in Korea – then she has the cultural values, politeness, way of thinking – those values that I appreciate and like. Essentially being raised in Korea gives me and her a set of common interests, shared cultural values, and a matching personality.
So its not that I only like Korean girls or girls that look Korean else I would be interested in Korean Americans which I am not.

I am interested in girls who have that same personality, way of thinking, and upbringing that Korea has, thats my preference. If a Chinese girl or Japanese girl grew up in Korea and had those values sure I would be interested. Its not about what race they are, its about the cultural values they represent, and I just happened to really like Korean cultural values. I hope that makes sense.

So I called my mom yesterday because there were so few Korean girls in SF and I was so lonely and anxious to meet someone since I am getting older, and I got very upset when she started pushing me towards alternatives to Korean women just like a lot of my friends did. My friends and family don’t understand – I didn’t choose to be only attracted to Korean women, why would I choose that for myself? it makes it harder for me to find a gf. I never chose to be “close-minded” like they said. I would gladly date other Asian girls or American girls – if they satisfied what I was looking for in my ideal girl. It just so happens that everything I want in my ideal gf is 100% fully satisfied by Korean women – they are attractive to me in every way, appearance, personality, style, fashion, pretty much everything. And non-Korean women just don’t attract me the same way. I don’t why people keep trying to push me to other “alternatives”. To me, there is no alternative to Korean girls. They are unique, special and cannot be replaced. To me, thats the only option, after having traveled the world, I can honestly say no other women attract me the same way. In Taiwan and Eastern Europe I always thought the prettiest girls there were the Korean girl tourists…

Also another reason I don’t want a Chinese gf is partly because of how my mom is – raised in Northeast China (oddly, very close to Korea) yet Northern Chinese girls have the opposite personality of Korean girls – they are super strong and independent. My mom is no different. When I was young she would constantly fight with my dad. I always heard them hitting each other and my mom throwing things at my dad when I was young. I was of course also beaten by my parents as a kid as well. I don’t like how Chinese women raise their kids – they are super strict Tiger moms. Korean moms don’t treat their kids with as much strictness and I certainly have never heard of any Korean mom beating their kids. I also have never heard of Korean moms physically fighting with their husbands – it seems in Korea the man usually has the temper and the wife’s job is to calm him down whereas in China its the opposite.

I also don’t like that Chinese including my mom and aunt are so arrogant about themselves – they keep saying that Chinese women are more beautiful than Korean women – when they’ve never been to Korea or met Korean girls before! Same with my Chinese friends both guys and girls – those who have never been to Korea, they all believe that Chinese girls are the best looking. I can honestly say that easily the worst looking women, in Korea or not, that I have ever seen were Chinese women. Why? because they don’t care about their appearance! And their personality is too strong – my Mom says thats a good thing – of course she would since she wants to validate her own personality – but thats just totally not my type. If you want to be arrogant and call yourself the best – why not prove it? Why not put at least an ounce of attention on your appearance instead of just making a blanket generalizing statement like that? I got pissed when I heard that because I know its totally not true, and I even did a video on my youtube to dispel rumors that Korean girls are only pretty because of plastic surgery or some BS like that I hear from non-Korean girls who are clearly jealous of them. My best friends gf is Korean and she said these words to me. “If you come to my area of China, you will see so many beautiful girls, like me” and “If you don’t care what your kids look like, then you should marry a Korean girl” just such blatant ignorant and arrogant comments. Whats more is that Chinese women seem to have such negative impressions of Korean girls despite most of them not knowing any Korean girls at all while most of Korean girl friends seem to have positive impressions of Chinese girls. They always say ‘Chinese girls are quite beautiful, nice etc’. Just goes to show you the difference between how they think about each other.

And of course, its not just appearance – some of the rudest and most selfish girls I have ever met are – you guessed it – Chinese! So yes, clearly they are not the women for me – I know its because China had a glorious history and maybe 400 years ago they were ‘ahead’ of Korea and Japan, but that doesn’t mean they are ahead in the present! Its like the British saying they are better than Americans because they once had the bigger empire. It makes no sense in the present day – I’ve been to every East Asian country now except for Mongolia, and I can say that Japan and Korea are much more ahead of China in technology, manners, etiquette, cleanliness, etc But whatever Chinese people can keep thinking that they are the greatest if they want to – to me they are the USA of Asia – arrogant, and ignorant of other cultures.

In general, since I was born in China, raised in a Chinese family, had mostly Chinese friends in university, but hung out with Koreans a lot and lived in Korea for 2 years, here are the main differences between Chinese and Korean women:

1) Chinese women usually don’t wear any makeup and if they do, its very light. – Korean women usually wear a lot of makeup especially foundation to make their skin really pale and white.
2) Chinese women don’t care about their fashion that much, they usually wear sweaters, pants or jeans or long dresses and dress very casually. – Korean women are much more feminine and wear blouses, skirts, dresses, high heels, platform shoes etc very often
3) A lot of Chinese women don’t shave or do their eyebrows or paint their nails. – Korean women do all of those.
4) A lot of Chinese women don’t shower everyday. They will shower only when they know their bfs are coming over – Korean women shower at least twice a day and are clean enough to the point where they will carry a toothbrush + paste in their handbags throughout the day.
5) Chinese women like to brag about how beautiful their race is, how ‘naturally’ pretty Chinese women are and how great their country and culture is. – Korean women are also proud of their country but they don’t openly brag about it, and they don’t think they are the prettiest women.
6) Chinese women care a lot about money, making money, starting businesses and carrying status symbols around like iPhones and expensive cars. – Korean women don’t care as much about money or business or about brand name items.
7) Chinese women don’t have good manners and will often talk very loudly. – Korean women are more quiet and will cover their mouths when they laugh, etc
8) Chinese women make their bfs buy things for them all the time and often times make their bfs basically be pack mules for them when they are shopping. – Korean women don’t expect expensive gifts from their bfs often just flowers or chocolate will do, and they don’t make their bfs carry their bags either. Have you ever seen a Korean guy hold his gf’s bags for her?
9) Chinese women in general are not as sweet or loving to their bf or husband. They usually have more pictures of their dog than they do with their bf. – Korean women are very sweet and loving to their bfs, often take couple pictures together, hold on to their bf’s arms when they are walking and text or call their bfs all the time.
10) Chinese women are not loyal or dedicated to their race. Proof of this is how many of them are marrying Korean guys these days, ironically. They are more likely to marry outside their race. – Korean women’s #1 choice for marriage is always Korean men. I have never met a Korean girl who would not at least consider their race for dating or marriage. They rarely marry outside their race.
11) Chinese women expect the man to do everything around the house like cooking and cleaning. – Korean women will not expect this since in Korean culture the women usually do that while the man works. Proof of this is that there’s no housewives in China whereas in Korea there’s lots of housewives.
12) Chinese women think Korean women are ‘fake’ because they wear makeup or do plastic surgery, a huge irony considering how many Chinese women photoshop their pictures online or go to Korea to do surgery. – Korean women have better opinions of Chinese women they often praise Chinese women for being beautiful. This is coming from girls who have never met the other race but goes a long way to show their differences in personality.
13) Chinese women think the key to raising their children well is to be Tiger moms – raise them as strict as possible and give them a good beating once in a while if they fall out of line. – Korean women are not Tiger moms and treat their children with love and respect.
14) Chinese women are very strong and independent and will often boss men around. – Korean women are more dependent, gentle, soft and sweeter to their bfs, husbands and men in general.

Now onto the second part of my post…

A couple things happened in the past few weeks that really put a dent into my plans to move to Vancouver / find a Korean girlfriend.

1) President Trump said that he would renegotiate NAFTA and is clamping down on immigration
2) I got laid off at Walmart

Yes thats right, so I’m out of a job right now. And yes it came suddenly because our whole team at Walmart Grocery was basically duped into believing there would be a future for us, and then I got a meeting invite with the engineering head and just like that our whole team got canned. It sucks, but what makes it worse is that Walmart was the last big company to allow remote work.

So now I have to find a smaller company or startup that allows for remote work, so its definitely not going to be as easy as before. What’s more, the uncertainty around Trump means my TN visa could possibly not even exist a few months from now, and the H1B visa will also go through additional restrictions and/or scrutiny.

I don’t really want to stay in SF more, for the reasons being that SF is way too gentrified and there’s too many engineers, too few women, and not enough things to do. If I was married or had a girlfriend I could be fine here, but as a single guy in his late 20s, time is running short and I can’t stay here for a long time and see my plans for starting a family get wasted here.

Moving back to Canada is also painful because the salary in Toronto and Vancouver for IT jobs is less than half what I make now, in USD. I’d be taking a 50% pay cut for moving back.

So basically I have a few ways to go from now on:

Plan A) Find a remote job here in California, rent out my apartment, and work remotely from Vancouver. This is the best option, if I can find a good remote job. This way I can get California salary + rental income and still be in Canada. I can stay in California until I save up enough money to buy a place in Vancouver without getting another mortgage.

Plan B) Find a regular job here in SF. This plan probably gives me the highest salary, but I’ll have to put up with living in SF for a few years more. I can buy a place in Vancouver without getting another mortgage, but since Vancouver laws means I get taxed on empty places, I’ll have to rent out that place immediately after buying.

Plan C) Rent out my apartment, and find a regular job in Vancouver. This is a last resort option, since I make the least salary with this option, but it will work regardless of Trump’s decisions on work visas since I don’t need a work visa to rent out my place. I will need to take out a mortgage to buy that Vancouver place though.

So yes, the plan is in order from A to C, with C being the last resort option if Trump does any radical changes with the TN or H1-B visa. Plan A is preferable, but also the hardest since it requires finding a good remote job, which there isn’t many of.

For now, we’ll see what happens… hopefully things dont have to change too much. And yes, moving back to Korea is pretty much out of the question since I have no plans to buy property in Korea and thus have to spend more money paying rent, plus work additional hours due to Korean work culture..

2016: Year in Review

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone. Gosh, is it the end of the year already, I’m already almost 30 in Korean age! 2016 came and went pretty fast.. I think the major story here is that I found much more success with women this year than I did last year, which is great, but the night schedule of working in Korea and having ill health finally wore me out. This year I got both incredibly homesick for Canada/California when I was in Korea, and also got incredibly homesick for Korea once I got back. I always have some form of depression or loneliness wherever I go – whether it be in Korea or USA. Both countries have advantages and disadvantages. In USA, I have access to everything I want, people speak my language, the weather is good in California and I can go see a doctor whenever I want. In Korea, I have easy access to beautiful girls and nightlife wherever I go.
So, the ups and downs always haunt me – I could never be fully comfortable living in Korea and at the same time living in California was also boring and lonely.

Highlights
-Trip to Japan and Taiwan, finally completing my East Asia tour
-Dated at least 5 Korean girls this year, overall a much more successful year in relationships than last year, and I learned alot from each one.
-Got Lasik surgery done, which improved my self-confidence a lot.
-Got my San Francisco apartment back! My health should also start improving since I am in the regular sleep cycle again.

Lowlights
-Lost a combined $8000 in bets from both the Cleveland Cavs winning and Donald Trump winning – both underdogs btw. I’ll never underestimate underdogs again.
-Didn’t find any Korean girl who could come back to USA with me. This is obviously one of the biggest failures of my life, and makes me wonder what I ultimately accomplished during my 2 years in Korea. Of course, I don’t regret it, and I learned a lot, but still. This was a big disappointment for me. Now I am prompted to move somewhere else again just because San Francisco has so few Korean girls.

Summary
I think the most important thing for me this year was that I gained a lot of relationship experience, and I got a lot of feedback about how to treat Korean girls and ideas about what they like and dislike a lot better than before. Last year, I was essentially still blind to what they liked. This year, I amped up the aggression and confidence a little bit, did lasik surgery, changed my hairstyle, and it seemed to make all the difference. That said – I have to keep it up. I have to keep working on my Korean and working on my next goal of getting to Vancouver – because ultimately San Francisco isn’t the same as it was even 2-3 years ago. I have few friends left in SF – most of them went back to Korea so I know just 3 good American friends here – all guys of course. There’s virtually no ways for me to meet Koreans here anymore, and very few go to meetup or online language exchange websites anymore. My ultimate failure to keep a relationship in Korea and bring a girl back is what causes my current situation and next challenge. I have to keep trying therefore, to achieve my goal of marrying a Korean girl – but it has to be done either in USA or Canada, which makes things all the more challenging. But I don’t really have a choice – unless I want to work in ‘Hell Joseon’ (what Koreans refer to Korean work culture as), I could never stay in Korea long term.. this is the only thing I can really do, and fight for, and I’m not getting any younger just sitting around.

San Francisco vs Toronto, California life vs Canadian life

Golden Gate Bridge

So it’s been over a year that I’ve been living in California now and I’m really loving it. San Francisco is definitely a nice change of pace from Canada, and I feel the city is much more alive and there’s much more to do and see. Here is a summary of what I think.

Things that San Francisco has that Toronto doesn’t
-Beautiful sunny, sometimes foggy weather all year round
-Slightly cheaper gas (yes even in Cali)
-Mild temperature (15-25 degrees C) all year round
-Rarely rains here
-No snow, no snow shoveling, no freezing in the cold
-MUNI/BART system is vastly superior to TTC, including telling you when the next bus / train arrives, and speaking in multiple languages, all at a lower price (TTC doesn’t have any of that and charges $3.50 per adult). It also takes you around the metro area (Toronto’s TTC doesn’t take you to Richmond Hill or Vaughan or Brampton, etc).
-10% sales tax (Toronto’s is at 13%)
-A bigger Chinatown
-Japantown
-Surrounded by the Ocean
-A park as big as Golden Gate Park
-Wide variety of fauna, including palm trees
-Availability of stores such as Quicksilver and J.Crew, restaurants such as In and Out and Carl Jr’s, and faster availability of items such as the Macbook and iPhone (which often get released months later in Canada)
-A top marginal tax rate of 35% as of the Bush tax cuts (Toronto has 47% top MTR)
-Cheaper fast food (a dollar menu item in SF is $1.40 in Canada, chicken nuggets are 8 for $10 there too)
-Generally cheaper everything, clothing, electronics, cars, etc (Canadians get hit with import taxes and duties on everything)
-Free shipping on a lot of items (a lot of merchants don’t ship to Canada at all)
-Generally a higher salary for Software Engineers and IT people
-Houses that reside on mountains
-Booze gets sold in grocery stores (this may be a shock to Canadians, who have to deal with LCBO all the time).
-Numerous scenic views of mountains, lakes, beaches, forests, bridges, sloping hills, and the drives are never boring because of this. (Toronto has flat land around it)
-Lots of tourist destinations within a few hours away like Napa Valley, Marin County, Monterey, Yosemite, Lake Tahoe, Silicon Valley, etc (Toronto doesn’t have such a variety of scenic places around it).
-Everywhere is walkable by foot (You have to drive everywhere in Toronto)
-Numerous online services you can get in the US but not in Canada, such as Amazon Prime, Hulu Plus, LivingSocial, + many startup apps.
-LOTS of job / networking / conference opportunities for tech people.

Things I miss about Toronto
-My Friends and Family (obviously)
-Less homeless/crazy people (SF has too many of those)
-Poutine and Sausage snacks
-Less demonstrations/protests
-Free walk in clinics and generally simpler healthcare system (Americans have a very complex healthcare system)
-Cheaper rent (getting closer to SF’s rate tho)
– ketchup potato chips
-Tim Hortons
-A higher minimum wage (Sf’s is around $10/hr)
-Driving (it’s much easier in Toronto than SF)
-Places close later ( Starbucks closes at 6pm in SF which is crazy)

And that’s about it. In general I find SF to be a much better place to live, despite not having a green card here. If my family and friends were in the Bay Area then it would be perfect. I hope my family/friends can come visit me around Christmas!

Here are some pictures expressing the beauty of SF and California:

Golden Gate Bridge
Golden Gate Bridge
Napa Valley
Napa Valley
Big Sur
Big Sur
Lake Tahoe
Lake Tahoe
Yosemite Valley
Yosemite Valley
Santa Monica Beach
Santa Monica Beach
17 Mile Drive, Carmel by the Sea
17 Mile Drive, Carmel by the Sea
Bay Bridge from Treasure Island
Bay Bridge from Treasure Island
La Jolla
La Jolla
Twin Peaks
Twin Peaks
Los Angeles Sunset
City of Angels
Point Reyes
Point Reyes
Stanford University
Stanford University

I think these pictures highlight why I’m not keen on going back to Canada anytime soon :).