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What is something that needs to be said?

Romeo and Juliet laws should be common sense.

A Romeo and Juliet law says it is not always a crime to have consensual sex with a minor. But the guidelines are very specific. Texas, for example, has a Romeo and Juliet law. It states that a person:

  • between the ages of 14 and 17 can consent,
  • with someone within three years of their age,
  • so long as the other consenting party is at least 14.

Sounds like common sense right? It prevents pedophiles or sexual predators and allows teenagers more freedom to do what they want. But a lot of states (including California the biggest state) does not have this law.

In California, under Penal Code 261.5 any person who engages in sexual intercourse with:

  • a minor less than three years younger (or older) is guilty of a misdemeanor,
  • a minor more than three years younger is guilty of a misdemeanor OR a felony,
  • a minor under 16 when the accused is 21 or older is guilty of a misdemeanor OR a felony.

Without this law, it means that: Teenagers cannot lawfully have sex with each other. You might think that’s a good thing because teenage pregnancy is bad, but you can’t stop human nature; teenagers are hormonal beings who most likely are going through or have gone through puberty; you’re telling me that you’re trying to stop sex between them by making it illegal? It’s a futile thing, and all it does is punish them for being human beings with desires.

And if you’re a senior dating a freshman? good luck once you turn 18. You’ve effectively become a criminal at that point once you decide to have sex with your girlfriend.

Every state should have Romeo & Juliet laws; it makes no sense not to have it.

 

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The 7 year California journey comes to an end

“Time is our most valuable commodity. We can always earn back money, but we can never earn back our time. Stop worrying about the future, and treasure the present. Cherish the people we have around us and the time we spend with them,we don’t know when they might be gone someday.”

So finally my place did sell, (although the buyer came close to backing out for $1000 in repairs) but thankful to at least get 4% over asking for it.

Aside from that, I’ve said all my goodbyes to the few friends I have left in SF, gave away most of my furniture, and gave my company notice. I’m actually a little bit bitter about my company, because I thought I would have been able to work part time remote for them, just like previous co-workers have, and my direct manager thinks I’m valuable enough to keep, but the upper management rejected the request. For whatever reason I don’t know. Half of our team is remote, a lot of them are full time remote, and other than the front end team, which is me and 2 other people, the rest of the engineering team come into the office only twice a week. Front end team comes in 4 days a week, and I haven’t missed any days. I’ve been pretty loyal to my company the past 1.5 years, and they are probably just going to replace me with someone from India who works full time remote anyways. It doesn’t make any sense.

Plus, its not even about money. I’m asking for my salary to be cut in half here. So apparently they are willing to pay me full time salary just to be able to come into the office (where I don’t really talk to anyone anyways), rather than pay me part time and have me be remote. It’s unfair and it doesn’t make any sense to me.

In other news, crypto is still having the blues, and I’m still 90% down so its highly unlikely I’ll get anything more than 50% of my money back even if it recovers. ICOs have lost me at least $25k and Masternode scam coins have lost me another $25k. So that’s $50k (a years worth of savings) lost in scammy coins right there, neither of which will ever recover. At this point, I’m not sure what I will do. I will probably take most of the proceeds from my apartment sale as a downpayment for a future Canadian home (most likely in Vancouver), and invest the rest in Wealthfront. No more crypto currency / gambling for me. It’s way too risky. Can’t believe I lost 90% of my savings ($150k turned into $15k). Lesson learned, I guess.

I’ll definitely miss California/San Francisco, and I’ll definitely miss my apartment as I had many good memories there with my friends. I think more than just missing the scenery though, is missing the moments I shared with my friends and other people. That’s what I kind of regret. I regret not taking more pictures / videos with my friends, I regret not saving any of my Kakao chats from 2012/2013 (they were erased when I switched from my iPhone 4S to 5S in late 2013), because 2012-2014 were probably the best times of my life. 7 years of California memories, 2011-2018. I had so much fun meeting people (especially from San Francisco ESL group meetup), and traveling to places, just wish I had some way of remembering it better. I rarely took pictures/video back then compared to now. I never even took a selfie until I first went to Korea in Sept 2013. That was the first time I took selfies with anyone. As I grow older, I realize more and more that time really is the most valuable resource, and it’s not the scenery or the environment or the atmosphere I should cherish, but the people I shared it with.

As for where I’ll go next, I’ll probably head to Korea for a few months, meet all my Korean friends, and then go back to Canada. My grandpa is becoming senile, and my grandma has really bad dementia now, so this might be my last time seeing them, unfortunately. Of course, I also want to see my parents + my brother who I only see once a year. Sometimes I wish time would pass by slower, or even stop. I don’t really want to get older, I’m 30 already and felt like I wasted all of my 29 year old life and half of my 30 year old life due to my savings being annihilated and I haven’t really got anything from this year at all. I originally planned to take a trip to Singapore/Bangkok/HK/Shanghai/Osaka and go to Seoul/Busan early but that all changed because of crypto.
I’m glad I could hang out with Tony, my best friend here more, but everything has to come to an end. Since my work doesn’t want me remote, I’ll probably have to find a job in either Vancouver or Seattle but most likely I’ll try for Seattle first since the pay is much higher for engineers there, but its not guaranteed because this would be my 6th TN Visa, and knowing Trump and my horrible experiences applying for a TN last year, it’s probably not going to be easy to get another Visa again. If not, I’ll probably just have to settle working in Vancouver for roughly half the salary. Or maybe I’ll think about teaching programming in Korea, who knows… I need some time to think, and this would be the first time I’m unemployed since I graduated (I also haven’t taken any PTO this year since my company gives so little), so I need a well-deserved break from work for a while.

As for a gf or wife, I don’t know. (this is at a time when most of my friends are in stable long term relationships and/or married now). At the beginning of the year, I had a gf who was beautiful and sweet to me, and I thought I was going to marry her. Later on in the year, I found out that she was kind of crazy, and definitely not the type of girl to marry. We’ve been broken up for over 4 months now. I don’t know if I can find another Korean girl, because I can’t think of any good way aside from remote work (which I don’t want to do unless its on my own hours this time) to live in Korea long term again. Will I find a Korean girl in Vancouver or Seattle who isn’t a student and who is interested in me and won’t leave in the long term? Who knows. It’s all uncertainty in my life at this point, but I hope I find some answers soon.

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Why I like Korean girls and a complicated dilemma

Edit
Here’s my official explanation for why I’m so focused on Korean girls because I get asked this ALOT. I get this asked to me alot because I know that if I were Korean and I told people I only like Korean girls no one would care but because I’m a foreigner (albeit born only a few miles away from Korea) its somehow not acceptable that I only like Korean girls… I think its also because people just can’t seem to understand that Korean girls are very unique and no other girl can really replace them. Japanese girls are probably the closest approximation to them, but they are still very different from Korean girls.

So, I know its hard for Americans and Canadians to understand this so I’ve had to explain this many many times. In USA and Canada, we are used to having multiple cultures mixed so everyone is very very different from each other. In Korea, this is not the case. Because they are 99% Korean, the culture is very homogeneous, meaning Koreans are very similar to each other, the way they are raised, taught, what they dress like, how they act etc. Now I’m not saying that every Korean is the same – but there is definitely more of an air of conformity in Korea than in other countries.

Now – something else that’s important – Koreans, Chinese, Japanese, etc are all very different from each other. Its easy to group them all as “Asian girls” but in reality after having traveled to each of those countries and lived there, they are all very different from each other. In particular, Chinese are about as different from Koreans as Americans are from Koreans. This makes Koreans wholly unique from other Asians, and other people, because their culture is unique.
So a girl’s personality and what she likes is exactly what I like! My point is if she is raised in Korea – then she has the cultural values, politeness, way of thinking – those values that I appreciate and like. Essentially being raised in Korea gives me and her a set of common interests, shared cultural values, and a matching personality.
So its not that I only like Korean girls or girls that look Korean else I would be interested in Korean Americans which I am not.

I am interested in girls who have that same personality, way of thinking, and upbringing that Korea has, thats my preference. If a Chinese girl or Japanese girl grew up in Korea and had those values sure I would be interested. Its not about what race they are, its about the cultural values they represent, and I just happened to really like Korean cultural values. I hope that makes sense.

So I called my mom yesterday because there were so few Korean girls in SF and I was so lonely and anxious to meet someone since I am getting older, and I got very upset when she started pushing me towards alternatives to Korean women just like a lot of my friends did. My friends and family don’t understand – I didn’t choose to be only attracted to Korean women, why would I choose that for myself? it makes it harder for me to find a gf. I never chose to be “close-minded” like they said. I would gladly date other Asian girls or American girls – if they satisfied what I was looking for in my ideal girl. It just so happens that everything I want in my ideal gf is 100% fully satisfied by Korean women – they are attractive to me in every way, appearance, personality, style, fashion, pretty much everything. And non-Korean women just don’t attract me the same way. I don’t why people keep trying to push me to other “alternatives”. To me, there is no alternative to Korean girls. They are unique, special and cannot be replaced. To me, thats the only option, after having traveled the world, I can honestly say no other women attract me the same way. In Taiwan and Eastern Europe I always thought the prettiest girls there were the Korean girl tourists…

Also another reason I don’t want a Chinese gf is partly because of how my mom is – raised in Northeast China (oddly, very close to Korea) yet Northern Chinese girls have the opposite personality of Korean girls – they are super strong and independent. My mom is no different. When I was young she would constantly fight with my dad. I always heard them hitting each other and my mom throwing things at my dad when I was young. I was of course also beaten by my parents as a kid as well. I don’t like how Chinese women raise their kids – they are super strict Tiger moms. Korean moms don’t treat their kids with as much strictness and I certainly have never heard of any Korean mom beating their kids. I also have never heard of Korean moms physically fighting with their husbands – it seems in Korea the man usually has the temper and the wife’s job is to calm him down whereas in China its the opposite.

I also don’t like that Chinese including my mom and aunt are so arrogant about themselves – they keep saying that Chinese women are more beautiful than Korean women – when they’ve never been to Korea or met Korean girls before! Same with my Chinese friends both guys and girls – those who have never been to Korea, they all believe that Chinese girls are the best looking. I can honestly say that easily the worst looking women, in Korea or not, that I have ever seen were Chinese women. Why? because they don’t care about their appearance! And their personality is too strong – my Mom says thats a good thing – of course she would since she wants to validate her own personality – but thats just totally not my type. If you want to be arrogant and call yourself the best – why not prove it? Why not put at least an ounce of attention on your appearance instead of just making a blanket generalizing statement like that? I got pissed when I heard that because I know its totally not true, and I even did a video on my youtube to dispel rumors that Korean girls are only pretty because of plastic surgery or some BS like that I hear from non-Korean girls who are clearly jealous of them. My best friends gf is Korean and she said these words to me. “If you come to my area of China, you will see so many beautiful girls, like me” and “If you don’t care what your kids look like, then you should marry a Korean girl” just such blatant ignorant and arrogant comments. Whats more is that Chinese women seem to have such negative impressions of Korean girls despite most of them not knowing any Korean girls at all while most of Korean girl friends seem to have positive impressions of Chinese girls. They always say ‘Chinese girls are quite beautiful, nice etc’. Just goes to show you the difference between how they think about each other.

And of course, its not just appearance – some of the rudest and most selfish girls I have ever met are – you guessed it – Chinese! So yes, clearly they are not the women for me – I know its because China had a glorious history and maybe 400 years ago they were ‘ahead’ of Korea and Japan, but that doesn’t mean they are ahead in the present! Its like the British saying they are better than Americans because they once had the bigger empire. It makes no sense in the present day – I’ve been to every East Asian country now except for Mongolia, and I can say that Japan and Korea are much more ahead of China in technology, manners, etiquette, cleanliness, etc But whatever Chinese people can keep thinking that they are the greatest if they want to – to me they are the USA of Asia – arrogant, and ignorant of other cultures.

In general, since I was born in China, raised in a Chinese family, had mostly Chinese friends in university, but hung out with Koreans a lot and lived in Korea for 2 years, here are the main differences between Chinese and Korean women:

1) Chinese women usually don’t wear any makeup and if they do, its very light. – Korean women usually wear a lot of makeup especially foundation to make their skin really pale and white.
2) Chinese women don’t care about their fashion that much, they usually wear sweaters, pants or jeans or long dresses and dress very casually. – Korean women are much more feminine and wear blouses, skirts, dresses, high heels, platform shoes etc very often
3) A lot of Chinese women don’t shave or do their eyebrows or paint their nails. – Korean women do all of those.
4) A lot of Chinese women don’t shower everyday. They will shower only when they know their bfs are coming over – Korean women shower at least twice a day and are clean enough to the point where they will carry a toothbrush + paste in their handbags throughout the day.
5) Chinese women like to brag about how beautiful their race is, how ‘naturally’ pretty Chinese women are and how great their country and culture is. – Korean women are also proud of their country but they don’t openly brag about it, and they don’t think they are the prettiest women.
6) Chinese women care a lot about money, making money, starting businesses and carrying status symbols around like iPhones and expensive cars. – Korean women don’t care as much about money or business or about brand name items.
7) Chinese women don’t have good manners and will often talk very loudly. – Korean women are more quiet and will cover their mouths when they laugh, etc
8) Chinese women make their bfs buy things for them all the time and often times make their bfs basically be pack mules for them when they are shopping. – Korean women don’t expect expensive gifts from their bfs often just flowers or chocolate will do, and they don’t make their bfs carry their bags either. Have you ever seen a Korean guy hold his gf’s bags for her?
9) Chinese women in general are not as sweet or loving to their bf or husband. They usually have more pictures of their dog than they do with their bf. – Korean women are very sweet and loving to their bfs, often take couple pictures together, hold on to their bf’s arms when they are walking and text or call their bfs all the time.
10) Chinese women are not loyal or dedicated to their race. Proof of this is how many of them are marrying Korean guys these days, ironically. They are more likely to marry outside their race. – Korean women’s #1 choice for marriage is always Korean men. I have never met a Korean girl who would not at least consider their race for dating or marriage. They rarely marry outside their race.
11) Chinese women expect the man to do everything around the house like cooking and cleaning. – Korean women will not expect this since in Korean culture the women usually do that while the man works. Proof of this is that there’s no housewives in China whereas in Korea there’s lots of housewives.
12) Chinese women think Korean women are ‘fake’ because they wear makeup or do plastic surgery, a huge irony considering how many Chinese women photoshop their pictures online or go to Korea to do surgery. – Korean women have better opinions of Chinese women they often praise Chinese women for being beautiful. This is coming from girls who have never met the other race but goes a long way to show their differences in personality.
13) Chinese women think the key to raising their children well is to be Tiger moms – raise them as strict as possible and give them a good beating once in a while if they fall out of line. – Korean women are not Tiger moms and treat their children with love and respect.
14) Chinese women are very strong and independent and will often boss men around. – Korean women are more dependent, gentle, soft and sweeter to their bfs, husbands and men in general.

Now onto the second part of my post…

A couple things happened in the past few weeks that really put a dent into my plans to move to Vancouver / find a Korean girlfriend.

1) President Trump said that he would renegotiate NAFTA and is clamping down on immigration
2) I got laid off at Walmart

Yes thats right, so I’m out of a job right now. And yes it came suddenly because our whole team at Walmart Grocery was basically duped into believing there would be a future for us, and then I got a meeting invite with the engineering head and just like that our whole team got canned. It sucks, but what makes it worse is that Walmart was the last big company to allow remote work.

So now I have to find a smaller company or startup that allows for remote work, so its definitely not going to be as easy as before. What’s more, the uncertainty around Trump means my TN visa could possibly not even exist a few months from now, and the H1B visa will also go through additional restrictions and/or scrutiny.

I don’t really want to stay in SF more, for the reasons being that SF is way too gentrified and there’s too many engineers, too few women, and not enough things to do. If I was married or had a girlfriend I could be fine here, but as a single guy in his late 20s, time is running short and I can’t stay here for a long time and see my plans for starting a family get wasted here.

Moving back to Canada is also painful because the salary in Toronto and Vancouver for IT jobs is less than half what I make now, in USD. I’d be taking a 50% pay cut for moving back.

So basically I have a few ways to go from now on:

Plan A) Find a remote job here in California, rent out my apartment, and work remotely from Vancouver. This is the best option, if I can find a good remote job. This way I can get California salary + rental income and still be in Canada. I can stay in California until I save up enough money to buy a place in Vancouver without getting another mortgage.

Plan B) Find a regular job here in SF. This plan probably gives me the highest salary, but I’ll have to put up with living in SF for a few years more. I can buy a place in Vancouver without getting another mortgage, but since Vancouver laws means I get taxed on empty places, I’ll have to rent out that place immediately after buying.

Plan C) Rent out my apartment, and find a regular job in Vancouver. This is a last resort option, since I make the least salary with this option, but it will work regardless of Trump’s decisions on work visas since I don’t need a work visa to rent out my place. I will need to take out a mortgage to buy that Vancouver place though.

So yes, the plan is in order from A to C, with C being the last resort option if Trump does any radical changes with the TN or H1-B visa. Plan A is preferable, but also the hardest since it requires finding a good remote job, which there isn’t many of.

For now, we’ll see what happens… hopefully things dont have to change too much. And yes, moving back to Korea is pretty much out of the question since I have no plans to buy property in Korea and thus have to spend more money paying rent, plus work additional hours due to Korean work culture..