Relationships

 

I love romantic sunsets
I love romantic sunsets

So, here’s a topic that I don’t usually like to talk about, but I think should be addressed sooner or later. My thoughts on relationships. Given that my parents expect me to be married in 7 years, I should probably think about this more often. But to me, this issue is very complicated. For a few reasons.

I’m single now, and have been that way for the past 23 years of my life. It’s not that I don’t find any girl interesting; it’s probably just bad luck. I am not a naturally outgoing, charismatic person. I am goal-oriented, academic and career-driven, and I put those above seeking relationships. It’s just always been the case, that every girl I’ve liked, has never liked me back the same way, and every girl who’s liked me, I’ve never liked back the same way.

What are my strong points and my flaws? I try to be a good person, with good intentions, and I try to be likable, though I’m aware not everyone will like me. I try my best to be honest and reliable. I’m not the most handsome guy, but I like to think I’m decent looking enough. I do have a variety of interests, and a sense of ambition. I like to think my main flaws are being too judgmental, a lack of patience, jealousy, arrogance, and shyness. However, life is quite different from movies. Merely exerting yourself, putting effort in, etc may not get a girl to like you back and may even cause them to think you’re creepy. No doubt my shyness causes me to be feel awkward at times.

But the thing that’s interesting is that, when you look around, most people will have been in a relationship, or are in one right now, even the shy ones. This astounds me; personally, I would think the chances that finding a person who you like and likes you back, and fits each others requirements, and being single / not attracted to anyone else, and is in your circle of connections (friends, family, co-workers, classmates) is like finding a needle in a haystack. Yet so many people have been in them. And some people even cheat. 

I suppose for me, I don’t want or desire a relationship because I want to fit in with my friends who are in a relationship, or think it would raise my “status” if I found a good looking woman; I think a relationship should solely be based on love. You want to be with the person because you love them, and nothing else, no ulterior motive (no green card marriages, arranged marriages, or drunken weddings). So I’m not in a rush. Here I am in a new city, with no friends or family, too shy to go out partying, and virtually no chance of me meeting anyone I would be interested in. And that’s acceptable to me, though at times I wish I had someone to travel with, confide in, etc. But friends can fulfill that role too. I’m not anxious to get married, or have children, like many people in their 20s may want. I live by myself, I can cook, do laundry, wash dishes, etc. so I can comfortably provide for myself.

Ultimately, I think I may continue to be single for a while.. That is mostly because I value the importance of being with someone who loves you for who you are, and accepts you in spite of your flaws. And I think that person, whoever she is, where ever she may be, is definitely worth waiting for.


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3 responses to “Relationships”

  1. Stephanie Avatar

    I think that you’re a really good guy, and that you’ll be a wonderful boyfriend when you do find someone. I also agree with your views on relationships. They won’t work unless they are made for love.

    However, you cannot not be completely putting looking for a girlfriend aside for your career. You can be simultaneously focused on career and a potential girlfriend. You should just be yourself – shy is okay! Get yourself in situations where you’ll be interacting with other girls. Keep an eye out for single girls as they come by. They saying goes “God helps those who helps themselves.” So by being on the lookout, but not obsessing over it, you’ll have a better chance of finding someone.

    If you’d like to know my personal experience, I was definitely looking for a boyfriend at the time I started dating my boyfriend. I was examining a lot of guys in my head, trying to see if I could match up with anybody. I saw someone good and then got lucky. You just need to make more chances of getting lucky for yourself.

    Also, your parents will probably worry if you’re 24-25 years old and have never dated anyone.

  2. Ren Avatar

    I hope that you find a girl that you love and who will love you in return. I’ve been in three relationships so far and the longest that I have been in a relationship was for about a year. Although I had been in a relationship, I was never “in love”. I dated because I wanted to get to know the guy and hope that I’ll probably fall in love. Unfortunately, that never happen.

    You are very ambitious but I think you can still find a girl while chasing your ambitions. Going on a date for a bit is not going to harm you! 😉 Instead of trying to find the right girl quickly, maybe you could try and get to know a few single girls and interact with them. You might find someone you have a lot in common with. Socializing is important if you want to have a chance in the love department. I’ve been single for almost a year now and I have a valid reason why – I had not attend any parties or any invitations for about 6 months now. The only thing that I “interact” with almost everyday is my Xbox360, my violin, my iPad and my laptop. I am a social recluse. 😛

  3. Deanna Avatar

    I agree with the other commenters. You sound like a nice guy. You remind me of myself to be honest. Being shy is the worst if you are trying to get yourself a significant other. I can’t really give you any advice (not that you’re looking for any) but I can tell you that I personally have been attracted to pretty much any guy who pays any attention to me. Just be yourself and actually talk to girls and you will find one. If it doesn’t turn into a romantic relationship, you will at least have some new friends. I think the hardest part of meeting new people is getting over the shyness and not caring what other people think of you as long as you are being true to yourself. I’m about to move away from all my family and friends (although I will have my boyfriend with me) and will have to try making some new friends. I really don’t know if it’s something I will be able to do. I haven’t really made any really good friends since grade 9 (about 10 years ago :S).

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