You know you’re Chinese when…

You eat rice for breakfast.
Your friends and everybody else assume you know Kung Fu.
You remember or still use “the bowl” for haircuts.
Your folk?s kitchen have a constant lingering aroma.
You notice the main topic at family get-togethers is food.
Your parent?s lifelong ambition is to go to Las Vegas.
You never ever sat down on Popo?s warm chair after she got up.
You seldom ever owned new clothes if you were a second child.
Your folks never speak under 10 decibels at family gatherings.
You never made the school football or basketball team.
You have two middle initials instead of one.
You have an inherent “fear” for bamboo feather dusters.
Your “hot” date is going to your parent?s house to have “jook”.
Your living room sofas have covers on them.
You laugh at Kan Tong and Chung King commercials.
You inform the ticket clerk that your 13 year old is 12 to avoid paying adult fare.
You sneak in snacks at the movie theater.
Your grandmother smell like mothballs.
You?d bring home a Caucasian friend and “popo” would be cooking something that smelled like it had died a week ago.
You were told you all look alike.
You know how to pinch someone with your toes.
You graduated from UCI or knows of someone who did.
You would drive around the block 10 times rather than pay for parking.
You have a hard time pronouncing “aluminum” and “lobster claw”.
You truly believe that your neighbor could use that old sweater rather than throwing it away.
You would take that sweater if you were your neighbor.
You would stand in line for hours and hours for a free gift whether you needed it or not.
You have clothes in your closet that is coming back in style.
You?ve seen every Bruce Lee movie.
You still have your old slide rule.
You never order chop suey or egg foo young.
You have a relative or friend who works as a waiter or cook.
You prefer your chicken and shrimp served with heads and feet still attached.
You have a vinyl tablecloth on your kitchen table.
You spit bones and other food scraps on the table (that?s why you need a vinyl tablecloth).
Your parents know how to launch nasal projectiles.
You buy on sale 100 rolls of toilet paper and store them in a closet or in a vacant room when your adult child moves out.
You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas when its 50% off.
Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.
Your stove is covered with tin foil.
You have stuff in your freezer since the beginning of time.
You have never used your dishwasher.
You use your dishwasher as a dish rack.
You boil water and put it in the refrigerator.
You keep a thermos of hot water available at all times.
You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.
You use grocery bags to hold garbage.
You eat all meals in the kitchen.
You bring oranges or other produce with you as a gift when you visit peoples homes.
You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.
You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully to save and reuse wrappings and bows.
You feel like you?ve won the lottery if you didn?t have to pay tax for an item.
You starve yourself all day before going to an all you can eat buffet.
You stop dialing 411 information when they started to charge for each call.
You only call long distance after 11 PM.
You suck on salty preserved seeds for a sore throat.
You keep a stash of Li Hing Mui at home.
Your eyes resemble dime slots when you laugh.
You know what the term “FOB” and “ABC” means.
You laugh at Martin Yan?s jokes not because he?s funny.
Your parents have a glass jar of preserved limes aging on top of the roof.
You own a wok.
You know what a “bow” is?and it doesn?t mean to bend over.
You never eat fried foods when you?re sick (it creates phlegm and hot air).
You would prefer your fish entree staring at you on the dinner table.
You never discuss your love life with your parents.
Your parents still use a clothes line.
You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you?re never going to use them again.
You keep most of your money in a savings account.
You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.
You?ve joined a CD club at least once.
You keep used batteries.
You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics.
You?re always late.
You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don?t eat the last piece of food on the table.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
Your dad thinks he can fix anything.
You live with your parents and over 30 years old (and they like it that way). And if you?re married, you live in the apartment next to your parents, or in the same neighborhood.
Your parents house is always cold.
You beat eggs with chopsticks.
You never use measuring cups.
You reuse tea bags.
You tip Chinese delivery guys/waiters more.
You never call your parents to say hi.
You always cook too much.
Your parents always ask you if you?ve eaten, even though it?s midnight.
Your parents send money to their relatives in China.
Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you?re sick.
You have a drawer full of used pens, most of which don?t write anymore.
You know all the waiters at your favorite Chinese restaurant.
Your parents never go to the movies.
You notice at dances, a wall of guys standing together trying to look cool.
You iron your own shirts.
You play a musical instrument.
You don?t own any real Tupperware, only used margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.
You never leave any leftovers on the table in a restaurant. You have it put in boxes or finish it.
Your ketchup, mayonnaise, and mustard in the refrigerator are all “Price Club-size”.
You have an assortment of condiments and utensils from fast food takeouts stuffed in a drawer.
You never order for room service.
You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine, or law.
Your parents are never satisfied with your grades.
You own a rice cooker.
You buy rice in 50 pound sacks.
You wash rice 2 to 3 times before you cook it.
You steam something on top of your rice while its cooking.
You have acquired a taste for bitter melon.
You like congee with thousand year old eggs.
You always carry a stash of food when you travel like preserved plums, beef jerky, or dried cuttlefish.
Your parents vehemently refuse the sack of gold coin oranges that their guests brought to be courteous.
You know what MJ means.
You pick your teeth at the dinner table, but you cover your mouth.
You have a piano in the living room.
You live in an apartment and your parents always want you to come home.
You have a rice cooker to check in at the airport when you travel.
You grow your own bean sprouts in the kitchen.
Your mother made you peel water chestnuts and snow peas.
You have an lonely unmarried relative who frequently drops by during dinner time.
You received little red envelopes containing money on special occasions.
You use the underside of a porcelain bowl to sharpen your knives.
You cut your own hair?or had someone in your family do it.
Your grandmother has a lot of gold teeth?especially in front.
You keep fresh garlic and ginger in the kitchen at all times.
You know what the term “lemon” or a “banana” means.
You only have to shave every other day (maybe).
You tell your friends that you?re starting a new mustache when you really had it for several months.
You wash and reuse ziplock bags.
You save your children?s halloween candy and give it out the next year.
You either love or hate “mooncakes”.
You know at least three people named Alan Wong.
Your parents constantly complain you use too much toilet paper when you go to the bathroom.
You hated that black herb medicine that your parents forced you to drink when you were sick.
Your parents have kitchen towels made of old cloth rice bags.
You never drank milk after eating cherries.
You?ve swallowed those tiny “BB?s” with hot tea for a tummy ache.
Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm.
You?ve asked your parent?s help on one math problem and 2 hours later they?re still lecturing.
You shop at 99 Ranch Markets.
Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend?s kids.
You?ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library.
You?ve had to eat parts of animals that they don?t even put in hotdogs.
You have piles of shoes and slippers blocking the entrances to your home.
You have no eyelashes!
Your idiot friends try to impress you with pathetic imitation languages, like the ever so popular “ching chong woo bok chi”?etc.
Your biology lecture on marine life (seaweed, octopii, sea cucumbers, etc.) was last night?s dinner.
You have at least one family member who wears black wire or plastic framed glasses.
You have several relatives who wear glasses?thick glasses.
You like $1.75 movies
You like $1.50 movies even more!
Your parents never kissed you?your parents never kissed each other.
Your friends ask you to translate the scribbles on chopsticks (like you really know what it means!).
You call all your parents friends “auntie or uncle”.
You get nothing if you do well in school, but get in big trouble if you don?t.
Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees?you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top.
Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can “grow” into them and wear them for years to come.
Your family always cheer for the Asian athlete competing (eg. Michael Chang, Michelle Kwan, etc).
Your parents or relatives have goldfish swimming in an aquarium.
Your first generation relatives have a statue of an obese, bald-headed man surrounded by children.
Your parents collect jade jewelry.
Your friends from China think anything from the old country is considered “good stuff”.
You know not to eat the oranges or tangerines arranged in a little pyramid.
You always drink tea after a meal.
Your dad owns at least one bird.
Your parents grow vegetables in a garden.
You use doilies to decorate your furniture.
Your friends automatically assume you?re good at math.
You are good at math!!! (the hell with humility).
You know how to pick out the meat in watermelon seeds with your teeth.
Your grandmother rapped your knuckles with her chopsticks while reaching food with your fingers.
You are now planning to Email this list ASAP to another Chinese friend!

Top 50 Anime Cliches

Top 50 list of Anime Clichés

There are few people who love anime more than I. Anime like Yu-Gi-Oh, DragonballZ, Evangelion & InuYasha set a standard of majesty and wonder and immersion that American cartoons struggle, and usually fail, to match. And yet, as I watch the latest masterpiece to come out of Japan I sometimes can’t help the feeling that, somehow, I’ve seen it all before…

  1. Hair Principle #1
    The main character will have some sort of spikey, overgrown or shaggy hair. This hair will be preferably cooler looking than anyone else’s (save the main villain). Basically the cooler (or bigger) the hair, the more important that person is to the plot.
  2. Motivation Factor
    The hero’s home town, city, slum, or planet will usually be annihilated or his/her parents will have been deceased or seperated which motivates him/her to fight for freedom/justice/love.
  3. Female Accomplice rule #1
    At least one of the hero’s female accomplices will fall in love with him. He is either oblivious to this fact despite obvious signals/hints or semi-aware. If he is semi-aware of this, he will steadfastly deny it, as will the female.
  4. Female Accomplice rule #2
    Someone else at any point in the story will inevitably be attracted to the female accomplice, causing the hero to get jealous.
  5. Logan’s Run Rule
    Anime characters are young. Very young. The average age seems to be 15, unless the character is a decorated and battle-hardened soldier, in which case he might even be as old as 18. Such teenagers often have skills with multiple weapons and magic, the ability to perform superhuman feats, years of experience, and never ever worry about their parents telling them to come home from adventuring before bedtime. By contrast, characters more than twenty-two years old will cheerfully refer to themselves as washed-up old fogies and be eager to make room for the younger generation.
  6. Single Parent Rule
    Anime characters with two living parents are almost unheard of. As a general rule, male characters will only have a mother, and female characters will only have a father. The missing parent either vanished mysteriously and traumatically several years ago or is never referred to at all. Frequently the main character’s surviving parent will also be held hostage at some point by the villains, awakening the hero’s inner powers.
  7. Some Call Me… Tim?
    Good guys will only have first names, and bad guys will only have last names. Any bad guy who only has a first name will become a good guy at some point in the game. Good guys’ last names may be mentioned seldomly but they will never be referred to in the plot.
  8. Female Accomplice rule #3 (Misty’s rule)
    The more the female accomplice argues with the male lead, the more that she is actually in love with the hero.
  9. Law of transformation #1
    The hero will have a special power or device that allows them to transform into superior versions of their normal selves. Being good-natured and pure-hearted, they never use these powers to take advantage of everyday issues and only use them to fight the villains.
  10. Law of transformation #2
    When the time to fight said villain comes (as is indicated by the Bad Guy Theme™) they will stand bolt still either hold the transformation device or start unleashing their inner power, the music throbs with the show’s theme and a lengthy change takes place. This same animation is repeated for every episode in the series. The villain is held still during this time and never even thinks about destroying the heroes while they are transforming.
  11. Female Accomplice rule #4
    The female accomplice that is secretly in love with the hero is always taken hostage at some point in the series so that the hero can save her. This holds true even when the female character is clearly more powerful than the male character.
  12. Vengeance Rule
    Whenever the friend or lover of the hero dies, the hero will hold them in his/her arms and yells the character’s name as the camera pans upwards towards the sky. They will then seek vengeance on whoever did this and unleash a secret power from within.
  13. Hair principle #2
    A Male’s hair color is usually restricted to black, brown or blonde, but females can have every hair color imaginable.
  14. Law of Physics
    Any law of physics that applies to the real world is 75% or less applicable in anime.
  15. Hey, I know you!
    You will accumulate at least three of these obligatory party accomplices:

    • The spunky princess who is rebelling against her royal parent and is in love with the hero.
    • The demure, soft-spoken female mage and healing magic specialist who is not only in love with the hero, but is also the last survivor of an ancient race.
    • The nauseatingly cute mascot who is useless in all battles.
    • The tough-as-nails female warrior who is not in love with the hero
    • The achingly beautiful gothy swordsman who is riven by inner tragedy.
    • The big, tough, angry guy who, deep down, is a total softy.
    • The hero’s best friend, who is actually much cooler than the hero.
    • The grim, selfish mercenary who over the course of the series learns what it means to really care about other people.
    • The character who is actually a spy for the bad guys but will instantly switch to your side when you find out about it.
  16. Hey, I Know You, Too!
    You will also confront/be confronted by at least three of these obligatory villains:

    • The amazingly good-looking and amazingly evil long-haired prettyboy who may or may not be the ultimate villain.
    • The villain’s loyal right-hand man, who comes in two versions: humorously incompetent or annoyingly persistent.
    • The villain’s attractive female henchman, who is the strongest and most competent soldier in the army but always lets the party escape because she’s, yes, fallen in love with the hero.
    • Your former ally who supposedly “died” and was forgotten about, until much later in the game when he/she shows up again on the villain’s side and full of bitterness.
    • The irritatingly honorable foe whom you never get to kill because, upon discovering the true nature of his superiors, he either nobly sacrifices himself or joins your party.
    • The insane clown or jester who will turn out to be surprisingly difficult to subdue.
    • The mad scientist who likes creating mutated creatures and powerful weapons ’cause it’s fun
    • The adorably cute li’l creature or six year old child who fights you and, inexplicably, kicks your butt time after time.
  17. Silent Bob Rule
    The less a character talks, the more ‘cooler’ he is, the more likely he’ll become evil, and the more chance of a female falling for him.
  18. Weapons rule
    Swords are much cooler than firearms, and are usually more powerful. There’s also a better chance that it will be a ‘legendary weapon with the power to destroy the earth’.
  19. Reverse Silent Bob rule
    The more a character talks, the more annoying he is, and thus the more likely he is to become a good guy, and the more chance of a female not falling for him.
  20. Weapons rule #2
    Females will always use a bow, gun, or a rod/staff. They just aren’t cool enough to use swords.
  21. Rule leading up to the Vengeance rule If a character gets destroyed by the antagonist, the protagonist rushes in just too late or something grotesque happens i.e. the close up or zoom in of the eyeball, pupil dilates eyes open wide and then pan out for the enraged or horrified anime ‘Nooooo’ or if its more rage then remorse ‘ArrrRhr’.
  22. O Brother, Where Art Thou? (Melfice Rule)
    If the male hero has an older sibling, the sibling will also be male and will turn out to be one of the major villains. If the hero has a younger sibling, the sibling will be female and will be kidnapped and held hostage by the villains.
  23. Keitaro’s Rule
    The more klutzy a character is, the better chance they have of a gorgeous female falling for him.
  24. Rule of Fashion
    Sunglasses are cool/mysterious and they can be worn anywhere. The person who wears them is usually tough-as-nails and is a silent-bob type.
  25. Overused plot rule
    Anime come in about 3 types: The type that is set in the past where everyone uses swords or magic to fight evil demons. The type that is set in the future with futuristic devices and giant mechanized suits. The type where the main hero (or a team of heroes) have special superhuman powers or devices that allows them to fight evil.
  26. Nostradamus Rule
    Legends, Prophecies and rumors have a 90% chance of being true, and will usually be accompanied by a flashback.
  27. Anime Build type #1
    Any character considered cute/adorable will have gigantic eyes, rosy cheeks or cat/bunny-like features.
  28. Anime Build type #2
    All males will be subject to the Hair Principle (above) and usually wear some kind of loose or baggy clothing. (usually a shirt with shorts/jeans)
  29. Anime Build type #3
    All females will have breasts that cover up 1/8th of the screen, and will be wearing some variant of a blouse and a skirt for added sex appeal.
  30. Female Dominancy Principle
    No matter how powerful that male protagonist is, he will always be putty in the hands of his wife/girlfriend. One slap from a female character and you know that male is down for the count.
  31. You Can’t Kill Me, I Quit
    The good guys never seem to get the hang of actually arresting or killing the bad guys. Minor villains are always permitted to go free so they can rest up and menace you again later — sometimes one episode later.
  32. And Now You Die, Mr. Bond!
    Fortunately for you, the previous rule also applies in reverse. Rather than kill you when they have you at their mercy, the villains will settle for merely blasting you down and leaving you in a crumpled heap while they stroll off, laughing. (This is, of course, because they’re already planning ahead how they’ll manipulate you into doing their bidding later in the series)
  33. Female Accomplice rule #4
    The female most likely to fall in love with the hero will be the one that he has treated like a friend, when the female obviously wants more. She usually has tried numerous advances, all of which the hero is oblivious to.
  34. Best Friend rule
    The hero’s best friend will often have a heart of gold, killer skills, and a hot girlfriend/love interest that is often hotter than the hero’s love interest/wife/girlfriend. That best friend is easily manipulated to the side of evil due to his jealousy of the hero (unless the best friend was a former rival of the hero, which is often the case).
  35. Emotion Principle
    You know when an anime character is happy or cheery when they have flashy lights or some kind of background effect accompanied by an enthusiastic looking face. A character is sad and depressed when you see them have little stripes of blue down their forehead and no eyes, while they breath out a puff of (smoke?). A character is afraid when his/her character magically grows smaller, and his feet turn into little spikes when they try to run away with tears in his eyes. A character is angry when their heads magically grow bigger (this is sometimes accompanied by a red background). A character is embarrassed when a sweat drop forms behind their head or when they put their hand behind their head to rub it.
  36. Overused moral lines
    Usually occurs after the hero(es) defeats the villain. An inspiring speech is made from the hero about how ‘everyone should stick together and be friends forever’ or ‘together we can accomplish everything’. It occurs rather prominently in kid’s anime.
  37. Indestructible villain theory (Team Rocket theory)
    The villain always comes back somehow. Whether he was thrown into a lake, imprisoned, blasted into a mountain or sent into space, the main villain always manages to come back somehow (sometimes as a robotic form).
  38. “What are we going to do tonight, Vinsfeld?”
    The goal of every hero is to Save the World from an evil figure who’s trying to take it over or destroy it. There is no way to escape from this formidable task. No matter whether the protagonist’s goal in life is to pay off a debt, to explore distant lands, or just to make time with that cute girl in the blue dress, it will be necessary for him to Save the World in order to accomplish it. Take heart, though — once the world gets sorted out, everything else will fall into place almost immediately.
  39. Zelda’s Axiom
    Whenever somebody tells the hero about “the five ancient talismans” or “the nine legendary crystals” or whatever, you can be quite confident that Saving the World will require him/her to go out and find every last one of them.
  40. Time theory
    What occurs in 30 minutes (aka one episode) can vary. If the goal of the episode is to progress to that goal, then what occurs in that episode can take place over as much as a couple weeks. If it is a battle or event, then it may have only been as little as ten minutes that occurs.
  41. Filler Guide
    Filler material that has nothing to advance the plot of the story and are used only to prolong the length of the series are mandatory in every anime.
  42. Average Joe rule
    The average hero is in fact, just a regular, high school/college kid who ‘accidentally’ stumbles across someone/something (i.e. powers, aliens, technological devices which change their lives…). Said kid is usually nerdy but has a hot girl friend or love interest.
  43. Hidden power principle
    Whenever the main hero is about to lose to the bad guy, an event always occurs which either triggers a hidden power inside the main hero, or causes someone else to save him, both resulting in the defeat of the bad guy.
  44. Female Equilibrium Rule (Brock’s rule)
    The main hero’s best friend always goes for the females that aren’t any more attractive than the hero’s female accomplice. The main hero himself does not usually go for females because that will make him look desperate, which is a no-no in The Standard Hero Attributes™.
  45. ¿Quien Es Mas Macho?
    Every powerful character you attempt to seek aid from will first insist upon “testing your strength” in a battle to the death.
  46. Armies aren’t what they used to be
    The Hero’s are always more powerful than the government or the military. The army’s tanks and bombers are useless in Saving the World.
  47. Law of Cuteness
    The younger you are, the more adorable and cuter you are.
  48. Maginot Line Rule
    It is easy to tell which city/nation is the next conquest of the villain: its streets are filled with citizens who brag that (insert name here) would never dare attack them, and would be easily defeated if he/she/it tried.
  49. Girl-Choosing Plot Principle
    Any anime where the nerdy male gets to live with/meet with all sorts of gorgeous females who all have a crush on him. The male must then proceed to put up with all the female seduction even though it becomes apparent who his main interest is.
  50. Determination Factor
    The main character is almost always determined to achieve his goal, and is deadset against giving up. Sometimes this is what leads to the villains demise.

I Hope you enjoyed my list 😛

I never believed myself to be lucky

我从未认为我自己是一个幸运的人。 事实上我认为我比别人倒运。 看来,我没当出去都带来风暴跟着我走。 啥东西,摸到了之后就枯萎了。 我似乎永远都没有什么成功。然而我一直想告诉我自己,终于一天,我就会把握成功。 但是我还没有成功。 运气真的存在不?难道有些人比别人幸运? 其他人做这做那却我就不会?为什么事务一到我的手上就失败了呢?

。。。后来我意识到了。 别人不必比我走云。 我的失败多因为我的尝试多。我的跌倒痛因为我冒险多。 我的情况比别人复杂因为我希望自己能够成功。 我越要成功我的生活就更加复杂了。 我的生活越复杂,我就越失败。 我打破更多东西因为我购买了更多东西。 我赔更多钱因为我挣了很多钱。 我得到了多少就失去了多少。

最后我理解了。 比我幸运的人都联合了准备和机会。 于是他们恰好位于正确的地点, 并合适的时间。 我始终都在错的期间中,因为我的准备不足,而我绝望了。这跟冒风险不是一回事,而我缺少先见之明。

今后,我的远见要使更明确,然后也许会比较幸运。