I’ll never find the perfect girl. *sigh*

Yes yes I know this is a pathetic rant but I’ve been wanting to let this out for a while. People keep asking me that I’ll find the perfect girl someday and I just don’t know If that ‘someday’ is sometime soon. The perfect girl could be at the subway station, or walking around the CNE, or even in my classes at school, but I’ll never know that. Not because I’m afraid to ask them or anything, but it seems I have low self esteem in front of women. There seems to be so many beautiful and smart women out there and I just feel like I’m not good enough for them. I am especially nervous in front of asian women. This is not only because I’ve never known an asian person (outside of my family) that well in my life before, but just that I have tremendous longing for them as well. I believe that I finally realized this during one of the various times that I have watched a movie alone, dined alone, or watched the fireworks alone amidst other guys who have their girlfriends care for them. There is this feeling I get when I see a couple hold hands together, or share a kiss, or play around with each other and I feel such pain because I wish I could do that with someone else. Now you must wonder, how is it that a 5’11, former-football playing, blues/rock musician has to talk about a subject like this on a facebook blog? How is it that I have never had a girlfriend despite being an average-looking, friendly and outgoing person? A witty and weird sense of humour? being on the honor roll for every year of high school, becoming an ontario scholar and earning 2 scholarships on the way? having a decent car and a decent job?
Yes, and I wonder too. I see apparently ‘nerdy’ looking guys hanging around with supermodel-looking girls all the time and wonder how this is so. I am consistently perplexed by this apparent paradox? I think it is because of this that I am perpetually alone. What few friends I have abandoned me. What’s the point of becoming famous if no one wants to hang out with you? If no one wants to go to the local concerts with you, if no one wants to watch a movie with you? This is the perpetual problem that arises with life. With no friends in life, with no one that cares for you, or loves you, you cease to exist. You exist in your memories, your thoughts, in the microcosm of your own realm. You need love to survive. You need love more than anything, because once you love someone, the necessities of other essentials like food, water, shelter, and money become less apparent. Love empowers people, causes the world to turn, people to live, and others to die. Love encompasses so many things and effects so many individuals, but the world has left no love for me.

Why do people get married only to divorce?

The divorce rate for couples these days especially in North america is substantially higher than it was 50 years ago. We must ask ourselves if we are really marrying the right person. I mean, personally I believe that if you were really in love with someone, then marriage is a commitment that is suppose to last a lifetime. These days too many people, get married for ‘fun’, its like these celebrity marriages. they rarely last for more than 2 years. Marriage, according to God is supposed to be the union of a man and a women forever. Its not some sort of ‘game’ where you get married for ‘fun’ (britney spears) and move on to the next. Its a dedicated commitement. and I think the amount of divorces is just testament to that sad truth. Comment with your opinions.

Some of my insights into life

My view of women and how they pick their guys:
You women always want the perfect guys. You always go for the handsome, jock types who are the most likely to hurt you then when they cheat on you or dump you, you get all emo because you wonder why all men are jerks. Well we arent all jerks, you just pick the ones that tend to be jerks. All women are like this. They will never pick the nice, shy guy to ask out in favor of the athletic, good looking ones. And you pay for it. Big time. This is just my opinion but I really do think all women are like this based on continuous observation. Yes I know sometimes I do go for chicks that are out of my league and yes I do get rejected but so what? You aim high, you will be successful, aim low and you stay low.

my view on humanity/life in general:
Humans are tragically flawed in that they are deceiving, provacative and extremeley judgemental of others. This is the immanent nature of the human condition. Another deluded concept is that of life. Life can be a titanic struggle, if you choose it to be. I am usually optimistic and I believe that whatever happens was meant to happen. If you be pessimistic, then your whole life will be filled with woes and unhappiness. However, either way, life is seldom worth it. For the first 18 years of your life, ever since you have been conceived, you are placed in an academic institution designed to teach you morals, rationality and to prepare you for life as an adult. This is called education. A further 4 – 8 years are then spent in an institute of higher learning in order to obtain a job, occupation or career. Then for the rest of your life until you are 65, you are working your 9-5 job with little or no time to enjoy anything. Getting married? Having kids? It all makes it more harder in the long run. when you retire at 65, then you get to enjoy life, but really whats the point? You’re too old to do anything by then. Heck I don’t even know If I’ll survive that long. Point is, Life is a vicious cycle, where you are born, and basically work your whole life to die a forgotten with little or no legacy. This is not how I want to live my life. I want to be remembered and recognized so that my memory will survive on something other than a tombstone in an obscure graveyard, reduced to ashes or bones.

My thoughts on religion:
I find it very bizarre, being an unreligious person, to place a certain human being, whose existence is debatable, on a pedestal above all others and treated as a deity. We all need something to believe in, but to accept this as truth is quite a different story. Furthermore, why would we base our measurements of time on his death and rebirth? BC stands for before christ, and AD for anno domini. Not everyone is christian, so why should we all conform to a time based measurement based upon his life? Also, is the Bible even factual or just a cleverly disguised book of lies? I ponder this quite often and I wonder the validity of religions, especially that of christianity. Note that I am not an atheist as I do believe in one person, and that is myself. I am the only person that I can trust, because I am the only one who truly knows how my mind works.

My thoughts on justice:
We think we are progressing, that we are improving technologically, mentally and physically, that we are superior beings. Yet the very things that we seek to abolish; Poverty, injustice, racism, inequality, discrimination and sexism, among a host of other abhorrences, are ever present. They cannot and will not be dissipated because the rich will always get richer, the poor get poorer, humanity constantly fooled under the specious name of democracy, the end of one war signalling the beginning of another. Peace and Justice are all but impossible because the human race is inherently filled with conflict and strife. It is necessary for us as humans to progress. Conflict and revolution generates a reactionary chain that causes us to evolve. Humans will ultimately destroy each other, as death is the only way out of this vicious cycle, as it consumes all. I quote ‘to be or not to be: that is the question’. Indeed it is, as death is the universal solution to all our gifts and curses, all our problems. What is beyond death could only be imagined.

Please respond with your comments, remember that this is all my opinion so feel free to respond with your views.