University is fucking killing me

This has got to be the worst feeling ever. I feel so hopeless right now. I feel that whatever im doing amounts to nothing. Lately I’ve just been through so much crap. I wish I was doing better financially. I wish I had a companion or someone to be with. I wish I was getting better marks on my assignments. Cause lately life has been just throwing me into a pit like hole day after day and I’m unable to crawl out. Whats the point of working so hard on assignments only to have them blow up in your face? Whats the point of looking good when people ignore you anyways? Whats the point of playing guitar if no one is there to appreciate it. I feel so useless right now and so alone. There’s nothing I can do to stop this torrentious tide from blowing me out to sea. So I pray to God and I pray to myself everyday, that it will get better. Someday I can put this all behind me and learn from my mistakes. I pray that this someday will come soon.


Yes, This is in stark contrast with the previous note, but I noticed something. We all have one life, and we all choose how to live it. Some things are within our control, and others things are not. Life is 50% action and 50% reaction. but I noticed that the actions are what cause the reactions to happen. Fate or destiny as people call it, are direct consequences of one’s own actions.

I want to break the stereotype. Heck, I’m already doing that by writing this, but I think that people should follow their dreams, not their parents dreams, not what society expects you to do. If you want to be an artist and you find yourself in the life sci program, you have to ask yourself why. If you want to be a musician (like me) and find yourself doing computer science, it follows that you probably will never be a musician.

The reason people apply to university, college, etc. is to find a job that they are interested in. From our birth to our death, we are constantly going through phases of education, through elementary, high school and now college. To find a job. We believe that a good education = a good job and a good job = good pay.

And that’s what life is all about isn’t it? Its about money and power. We work our whole lives trying to be rich and famous, but we never achieve it. What if we followed our dreams differently? What if we took a different path? Society expects us to become doctors, lawyers, businessmen, but what if we foil society’s wishes. I do not wish to conform to the bounds of society. I am who I choose to be. I am 18 years old, and I’m well aware that my life could end today, tomorrow, or 10 years from now.

So why are you people sitting in your little microcosms of existence when you could be exploring the world and meeting new people all the time. Thats my philosophy, I am for the most part an optimistic guy and I never regret my decisions. I always look towards the future, because the past cannot be changed. You can only learn from your past, to help you on your path to tomorrow.

Do I expect to graduate from UofT? Yes, but again nothing is certain. Do I expect to find a job as a computer scientist and make lots of money? Maybe, maybe not. Most people don’t find work in their respective degrees anyways. Do I expect to get married and have kids? Again, I cannot say with much certainty. University to me is a rite of passage, I came here to meet people and I came here to discover myself. And I have achieved much of these things. Thats all I expect from university. So whether I graduate or drop out, whether I live on the streets, or become rich and famous, all these things don’t matter if you have a purpose in your life.

If you have a goal in your life, strive to attain it. Break the stereotypes. Go where no one else has gone before. We could be here today and gone tomorrow. That much I can say with certainty.

-Xitong Zou, 11/25/06

How mathematicians solve relationship problems

Look, we both said some things that were false…you called me a jerk, I said that you were irrational. But all of that was before t=0. I’ve been doing some thinking lately, and I arrived at an important conjecture. You are a very meaningful factor to me…from the moment I discovered your existence, I knew that our relation was real, even though I thought you were in my imagination when I saw those i’s. It was a sine, and now you have become an integral part of my existence. I don’t know what would happen if we divided….I’d be half the man I am today. I know I can be square at times, but you really complete me…

I mean, the integral of e^x is always great and everything, and everytime I see you I just wanna bisect those legs and be really naughty…like, like divide by zero or something. But we have to remember that it’s only a trivial solution, and we have to calculate further to find the root and determinant of our initial value problem before we no longer function and everything becomes chaotic. Lets not make it get to the point where I become your x, and log(100) years later, we’re asking ourselves “y”? let us forget about these extra variables…we are in our prime. Let’s move on with our existence, multiply, have log(100) products, sum together, and call it even.


They integrated from the very point of origin. Her curves were continuous, and even though he was odd, he was a real number. They both wanted to get skewed. The day their lines first intersected, they became an ordered pair. From then on, it was a continuous function. They were both in their prime, so in next to no time they were horizontal and parallel. She was awed by the magnitude of his perpendicular line, and he was amazed by her conical projections.

“Bisect my angle!” she postulated each time she reached her local maximum. They had many simultaneous solutions. He taught her the chain rule as she implicitly defined the amplitude of his simple harmonic motion. They underwent multiple rotations of their axes, until at last they reached the vertex, the critical point, their finite limit.

After that they slept like logs. Later she found him taking a right-handed limit, and that was a problem. It was improper form. He meanwhile had realized that she was irrational, not to mention square. It seemed as though she was from another dimension. Things just weren’t adding up, so they diverged. That was a real plus because he needed to get her out of his domain.

She’s currently reaching the limit in a relationship that is somewhat undefined. He is currently unable to afford dating because he did a cosine on a loan for his son, Ray.