Categories
Humor

FML Variations =D

Yup it’s just like fill in the blanks….excuse my wild imagination

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a GIANT MAN EATING ROBOT walked by and saw me. it’s got Alzheimer’s, and thought I was robbing the guy I’d bought the store from, so it called SPIDERMAN. I spent six hours in TIED UP IN A WEB while they looked into it, and didn’t even get an apology. FML

Today, my sister brought her class MINIATURE GUNDAM SUIT home from school. Somehow it escaped from its cage, and ran into my room. My boyfriend, thinking it was a mouse, stomped on it. I’m stuck cleaning MINIATURE GUNDAM SUIT guts from my carpet, and explaining to a kindergarten class what happened to their pet. FML

Today, my MUTANT DINOSAUR has been singing “I can’t get no satisfaction” by the Rolling Stones, all morning. It started singing it right after we had sex. FML

Today, my mom found a box full of stuff she had been looking for. She starts going through it and finds baby pictures of my sister and I as well as pictures of POKEMON. She puts my baby pictures back in the box and closes the lid. The POKEMON pictures are now hanging in her living room. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. He said there was someone else, and that he has been in love with her for a while. Turns out, the new girl was his VIRTUAL MONKEY PAL. I got dumped for a VIRTUAL MONKEY PAL. FML

Today, my GIANT SQUID dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally LARGE PENIS in the passenger door. It didn’t notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my PENIS around my ankles. FML

Today, my DOG told the cute ALIEN it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my PENIS. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my PENIS down. My PENIS caught on fire. FML

Today, a CRAZY BLACK NINJA randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told him to watch his language or else I’d tell his parents. His ROBOTIC TENTACLES happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, it came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my NAKED GAY EX-HUSBAND inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my NAKED GAY EX-HUSBAND was bit. The NAKED GAY EX-HUSBAND killed the spider. The spider killed my NAKED GAY EX-HUSBAND. FML

Today, I finally convinced a DOG that I liked to have sex. I decided to swoop it off the feet like the movies and carry it to my bed. I ended up hitting it’s head on the door frame, knocking it out. FML

Yup, I should be getting back to doing some work….