Let me start by saying that this is going to be one of the more brutally honest posts that I will ever write. And despite the title, I’m not really boasting about myself, but I do want to tell a story that I hope can inspire others. And please don’t judge me the wrong way from this post by the way, I am speaking (and following) my heart in this post, and I think there is no more nobler endeavor than that.
When people ask me about my greatest strength, I like to say that its my ability to focus on my goals and achieve them. I am very good at breaking down my goals into small, concrete achievable steps. So when I make my goals, I always make sure that they are achievable. They might be very difficult, or hard to do, but achievable. When I moved from Canada to California, and California to Korea, I did the same thing, just kept that in my head as the overarching goal, and break it down into steps needed to achieve it. Find a job that lets me work remotely, find a place, learn Korean, etc was all needed to accomplish that. I use a checklist a lot, which really helps me focus on what I need to do next.
I came to Korea, for 2 main reasons: 1) to get away from the soul-sucking consumerist sausage-fest that was Silicon Valley, and 2) Find myself a girlfriend and potential wife.
I want to elaborate on the second point a bit, because this story is about love and determination.
I wasn’t interested in Korean girls until I had a lucid dream about them in summer 2011. I won’t explain in too much detail, but this dream caused me to become interested in Korean culture. So I started learning Korean in Fall 2011, and met some of my best Korean friends in the process. Of course, along the way I developed a goal to find my Korean girl soulmate.
When I have a goal, I am absolutely determined to reach that goal. So this being a goal to find someone to love and be with, it’s probably the goal I’ve spent the most effort in, and the one I’ve gotten the least progress.
I have never had an actual Korean girlfriend. Even now, I still don’t have a Korean girlfriend.
I have had many Korean friends, and my experience with Korean female friends have led me to believe that Korean women are the perfect fit for my personality. In my mind, they are the most attractive women in the world, and very nice and polite, dependent, and caring toward their boyfriends. As such, its become fixed in my mind, that I have to be with a Korean girl, date them, and marry them. No other women will satisfy me.
My lack of progress in this goal motivates me even more. The last Korean girl who liked me was back in May 2012. I have never dated other girls since then. I have absolute loyalty and dedication towards them, and I will do anything for them. I will marry a Korean woman, or stay single forever. Yes, I am dedicated to that degree. I moved to Korea in search of love. I learned Korean for almost 3 years while most of my American friends dated Korean girls in that time, I did not. Despite going to many parties and meetups during the last 2 years, my only return for trying was a lot of ignored messages. I even went to Vancouver to meet a Korean girl only to get stood up by her.
But despite all this, I keep trying. Why? Is it because of my stubbornness? The sheer difficulty of getting them? My belief that there should be more Chinese guy-Korean girl couples? Or even an unhealthy obsession? Maybe its all of these things. The fact that I semi-worship them, the repeated rejections, the lack of progress, the challenge of not being Korean or White, the love of Korean culture, that I felt genuinely genetically attracted to them, its everything combined. We always want the things we can’t get. We always believe the hardest things to get are the most valuable. Thus no matter what, nobody can stop me. I will keep on trying, and trying, and trying until I succeed, or be single forever.
This is my story of determination and resolve. You have to work towards your goal, and you have to find a way to achieve it, if it’s at all remotely plausible. As long as something is possible (I’m not trying to be the President of USA for example), then it’s doable. You just have to keep working and working at it and never give up. It’s somewhat ironic that finding 100k+ salary jobs was easier than getting a Korean girl to like me, but whatever. It’s life. I can’t settle for second best. I just can’t. You only have one life, and if you can’t find the best mate, then what’s the point? This is love we are talking about here, this is finding a partner to spend the rest of your life with! This is who you are having your children with! I am not easily satisfied with a lower standard like some of my friends. The one and only standard for me, is to be with a Korean girl (and not a Korean-American girl mind you).
The secret of achieving goals is to 1) be specific, 2) break it down into steps, and 3) be relentless. You heard it from me here.